YouTube: https://youtube.com/watch?v=QSdr0CRyrkk
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Duration:02:46
Uploaded:2014-06-17
Last sync:2018-11-14 16:30
Our World Cup fundraiser for sarcoma research: http://fightworldsuck.org/pickourteam.php

The AFC Wimbledon Wimbly Womblys: http://youtube.com/hankgames

Watch the World Cup with me: http://twitter.com/sportswithjohn

In which John suffers an injury in the most humiliating manner possible.
John: Gooood Morning, Hank, it's Tuesday. Wait, it's Tuesday. That means that I am no longer for the United States. I am now all in for Mexico! Hank, as you know I am auctioning off my World Cup support for sarcoma research - link in the doobly-doo. Every time you donate $1, I donate 3, and in total we've now raised more than $55,000 to fight Sarcoma, which is so awesome. Hey, why are you only gesticulating with one hand? Well, funny story...

So Hank, as you know I am a retired semi-professional FIFA player. For years, I uploaded my FIFA videos to YouTube, people watched them, advertising revenue, etc. But a while ago, I decided to retire from professional FIFA playing because I'm older now and the physical and emotional strain had just gotten to be too much. I decided I had to play just for the love of the game, for the love of the pixels. So all the money we make now goes to an actual football club, AFC Wimbledon, owned by its fans, the first football club to come out against homophobia in England; they're just amazing. 

Right, okay Hank, so if you're like me and you're not actually very good at FIFA it's not enough to like press the joystick in the right directions and hit the right buttons. You have to create a loving, supportive environment for your team made of pixels so that they feel comfortable scoring. Now for me a big part of that is yelling at the screen, sometimes like pulling this way when I want them to go that way, but it also involves some singing, and then when they score, I want to celebrate with them! All of this is to say, Hank, that recently, the AFC Wimbledon Wimbly Womblys scored a goal so beautiful, so amazing that I did what any manager would do: I shot up my arms and I shouted, "AFC Wimbledon!" Only I did it with both arms, because that was back when I could move both of my shoulders. That's right Hank, I shot my right arm into the air after scoring a goal in a video game and seriously injured my shoulder. How seriously? Not yet clear, waiting for some test results. How do you injure yourself playing a video game?! Actually, no, I did not injure myself playing a video game. I injured myself celebrating my success playing a video game. 

So yeah, Hank, this whole experience has made me realize something: I'm old. I have a lot of gray hair over here, but in the two months of promoting The Fault in Our Stars movie I got a lot of new gray hair up in here. Now Hank, thankfully you're not old and, as far as I can tell, you never will be. You have the body of a man in his 30's, but the personality and face of an excited 9-year-old, which I mean as a compliment. So Hank, hopefully you'll be the brother who doesn't get old and, like, stays hip and cool, but Nerdfighters, I am getting old. In fact, I'm older than I was when I started this video. I'm having a little bit of a crisis about being old because I wanna be a Nerdfighter for the rest of my life, so I'm hoping there are other old Nerdfighters. I think there are. But mostly I just wanted to say I hope we can still be friends even though I am old and shoulder-less.

Again, link in the doobly-doo to our World Cup fundraiser. You can follow along the World Cup with me at my sports Twitter, @sportswithjohn.

Hank, don't play video games too strenuously. I will see you on Friday.