(Hank) Good morning, John.

(Alex) Tell us about your first kiss.

(Hank) Right, I wanna get to that, but first I - I wanted to talk about the fact that I got to interview a scientist from the Large Hadron Collider this morn-

(Alex, interrupting) Tell us about your first kiss.

(Hank) Really? We're gonna do this first.

(Alex) Tell us about your first kiss.

(Hank) Okay, we're going to do this first. In third grade I dated a girl for like six months. I kissed her on the forehead, cheek, and hand. Our friends threw a mock wedding for us in my pool area and she got cold feet and wouldn't fake marry me!

But my first actual, like, germ-swapping mouth kiss was with a girl whose last name was Dubois, but everybody called her "Do Boys" (she was a fan of the men-folk). Including me.

(Alex) Most expensive casual item of clothing ever bought?

(Hank) In Montana, it is good to be prepared for the winter seasons in whatever way you can.

There's something in my pocket...money! Money from last winter, money! Six bucks I didn't know I had.

And also there were some receipts; let's see what I bought last year! Beer...that's all. The only thing on this receipt is a six of Miller life.

♪Making sure my dues get paid♫

(Alex) First job you ever wanted as a kid?

(Hank)Like 85% of my elementary school class, I wanted to be an oceanographer. I wrote a haiku about it, and it was so good I remember it to this very day!

Oceanographer.
That is what I want to be.
Oceanographer.

(Alex) Tell us about your group of school friends.

(Hank) We called ourselves "The Posse". And there were five of us, and I was the only boy.

(Hank puppet) Well, that explains a lot.

(Hank) Shut up!

We passed notes in school and we renamed all the days of the week and we would sit around and listen to Hanson...and it sounds likes its middle school, but it wasn't, it was senior year in high school.

Those four girls, Reggie, Kelly, Amanda, and Casey, remain some of my best friends in the world and I've very lucky to have had them.

(Alex) What would you name your kids?

(Hank) Well, I can tell you exactly what I'm not going to name my kids. Uh...Hunter, Olive, Forest, Lime, Asparagus! Cause my last name's Green.

Cute names are cute for like, 0.1% of a child's life!

(Alex) Who do you want to answer the survey next?

(Hank) I would all of my ex-girlfriends to
answer this, because I want to know if I was their first kiss. I have a feeling that I was no one's first kiss...which is kind-of...sad to me.

And I would most especially like Hatchet-Face from Cry Baby to answer this, because I don't -- I don't -- I'm just curious how she's doin'.

In addition to interviewing myself just now, I alluded earlier to the fact that today I interviewed Joe Incandela, one of the top scientists at the Large Hadron Collider.

Joe is pretty famous in the world of particle physics -- he helped discover the top quark -- and I got to talk to him for a half an hour this morning...and ya know why? Because of you people.

No one would ever talk to me about awesome things if it weren't for you, so thank you.

It was pretty much like the ♪coolest thing that happened to me like ever ♫

That should be a new segment on Vlogbrothers.

♪The coolest thing that happened to me like ever ♫

So Joe and I talked a lot about a lot of things:

(Joe Incandela) To sit here like -- like me occasionally thinking, "My god, we spent so many years of our lives, I've spent fifteen years preparing this experiment, what if we don't find anything, ya know?

It doesn't work that way, because we know there has to be something that's got it good.

If we find it, then we have to study it and the details may tell us a lot where to look next.

And if we don't find it, although it'll be hard to explain this to our funding agencies, it's a much more exciting situation.

(Hank) Where you -- you get to make up your own particles that have your name on them.

One thing we didn't talk about was that neutrino that supposedly went faster than light.

And the reason I haven't talked about this, people who asked me about this on Twitter, is because I'm reserving judgment.

I just have a hard time you know...sort-of, coming to terms with the fact that I might live in a world where matter can move faster than the speed of light.

It makes me wanna make this noise: "BLAAAH...EEEURAAGH...AAAH? EARVRRGH."

...That, actually, was probably the most articulate thing I've ever said about particle physics in my life.

♪John, I will see you on Wednesday♫

(Joe) What's holding you from falling to the center of the earth right now?

(Hank) My chair.