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Preorder The Fault in Our Stars at Amazon, B&N, at your local bookstore, or in the UK I WILL SIGN ALL THE BOOKS.

In which John discusses the business of signing more than 70,000 books in less than a month and tells a cute story about his baby. Thank you, nerdfighteria, for giving me signing madness.

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A Bunny
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Good morning Hank, it's Wednesday, puff levels are high. Hank, as you can tell from the TFIOS-ometer I've made quite a bit of progress. I am now over 80,000 copies which would be great, except I got a call a couple days ago from my publisher saying that I had to get up here to 150,000 copies by November 3rd.

So basically, I have to sign between 3 and 4,000 copies a day, which takes between 9 and 12 hours, which is pretty time-consuming, so I apologize, but my videos are gonna suck for the next month... and, jump cut.

By the way Hank, before I descend deeper into signing madness, let me tell you a cute story. So the other day, I went out into the backyard with Henry and I was showing him like, flowers, and our tomatoes, and I was explaining to him about like, sunlight and pollen and bees and the magic of it all, and then he looked at me and he said, "TV on?"

I don't watch a lot of TV with Henry although lately because of the signing I've had to watch some, but the best part about when he watches TV is that he always walks up to the TV and he pokes it, because he thinks it's an iPad.

Right, but about signing, walk with me. So let me give you a quick tour of the situation. Ow! Right, so this is the approximate number of boxes I have to sign. And these are empty boxes, you'll see their contents in a moment. And this is the current sad pile of blue guys and or Sing-a-ma-jigs - I will put you guys back in the background when I'm finished.

And then I actually sign the books up here using a Sharpie with this thing that my occupational therapist Alan gave me. By the way, shout-out to my occupational therapist, I think I have the weirdest occupation he's ever therap-ed, but he's been very nice about it.

And yes, Hank, I know the lighting's bad, I told you my videos are going to be bad until this is over. Over here we have large stacks of signed sheets. And then here tens of thousands of more signed sheets, waiting to be boxed, including one that's Yeti'd.

So Hank, the Yeti's kind enough to sit with me and watch TV at night while I sign but she gets bored, so sometimes she Yetis them. There's Jumping Yeti, there's the Yeti standing atop Mount J, a Yeti clinging to the scribble, and then sometimes there's just a Yeti hanging out at the bottom.

And here's my bag full of used Sharpies. I've got about 300 used Sharpies, Hank, and I'm only just more than halfway done. A guy could freak out about it, you know, but I try not to freak out, I just try to like, you know, keep calm and DFTBA... there's a chili stain there, sorry about that. I've been wearing this shirt for a few days, I'm not gonna lie to you Hank, I'm not taking a whole lot of showers right now.

I changed, because I realized that we had chili over the weekend. So Hank, long story short, for the next month or so, puff levels may be high, I may seem or even be crazy, my videos might suck, but I am going to sign every copy of The Fault in Our Stars!

Nerdfighters, thank you for giving me such a wonderful problem. By the way, if you're wondering what my hands are doing - WHAAAT? I'm always signing! Those aren't even bad. I should sign without looking more often.

Hank, by the way, great joke to the CERN physicist when he was like "What's keeping you from falling to the center of the Earth?" and you were like "my chair!"

I'll see you on Friday.

Wait, one more thing! The iPhone 4S is just like the iPhone 4. No, we have a chance to be part of a feature film being made by my friend Amy Cross-Rosenthal, my long-time collaborator who's doing The Beckoning of Lovely, and if you don't know what that is it's a thing where Amy and other people beckon lovely into the world.

Amy wants people from all over the world to design their own greetings based on The Beckoning of Lovely anagram, "evoking bent echo folly". So for example, here's one that Amy made:

Man: "Howdy!"
Amy: "Howdy!"
Man: "How are you?"
Amy: "How are you?"
Both: "Oh, so lovely to be seeing you!"

And here's one that my friend Stan and I made.

John and Stan: "Hey there!"

You can click on my face and/or puff to go to a video that shows you how to participate and you can learn more about The Beckoning of Lovely which is an amazing, beautiful, wonderful project that's been going on for three years now. Okay, I really gotta go sign now.