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In which john answers as many questions as he can in four minutes. (Feel free to leave more questions if you'd like.)



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Good morning Hank, it's Friday, but in my heart it's Question Tuesday, the day that I answer real questions from real nerdfighters. Among all the vitriolic, poorly spelled, obscene and frankly not very nerdfighterly comments to your last video, there were also many excellent questions.

Are you doing any readings or public events in the near future? Yes, actually tonight, if you are over 21, I am going to be in Chicago performing at The Hideout with my friend Mark Bazer.

What happened in Depew, New York where a few people were trying to remove your book from the curriculum? A ton of people went to the school board meeting on Tuesday, which I really appreciate, but unfortunately due to like the obscure rules of school board parliamentary procedure, none of them was allowed to speak. The five people who did speak all spoke out against the book, although several of them hadn't read the book. One person said that he didn't have to read the book because, and I'm quoting directly here, "You don't have to have cancer to diagnose cancer." That analogy proves why we need good English literature education. There's another board meeting on March 4th, more info soon.

Is there an official release date for Paper Towns? Yes, October 16th. I know I said it was going to be September, but I was lying. God I love lying.

Who the eff is Hank? [cut to video footage of Hank responding] "Hank is a veteran of the CIA directive operations and US Navy Seal Team three. He is five foot ten inches tall, weighs 170 pounds and has green eyes. Hank was an operative of the Third Echelon, a clandestine division of the National Security Agency. Hank is extremely agile and an expert in the art of stealth. When in the field, Hank prefers to work alone." 

Who's more of an evil lady, Queen Ranopandria- Queen Rabodoandumpoiniarandum- rabadopandria- Queen Rabodoandumpandriarano-I WAS SO CLOSE! Queen Rabodoand- Queen Rabadoand- Who's more of an evil lady, Queen Rabodoandriana Impoin i Merina Ranavalona I-YES I DID IT, I FINALLY DID IT-or Lady Elizabeth Bathory? First off I'd just like to say that the person who posed that question, that was an excellent spelling of Queen Ranavalona's first name, and second off, definitely Queen Ranavalona.

What do you think of nerdfighting cows? Obviously I'm in favor of them, I mean everyone knows that drinking milk from nerdfighting cows is the number one way to get your recommended daily allowance of awesome.

Middle brownies or edge brownies? Excellent question, edge brownies.

Is Looking for Alaska a great book or the GREATEST book? Oh YouTube user USAFjeff, you sure do know how to get yourself on Question Tuesdays. Sadly, Looking for Alaska is neither a great book nor the greatest book, but I hope that it is, you know, good.

Lost or Heroes? Um, books.

Are there any puppy-sized animals who you think would be even better than puppy-sized elephants? Well it's no secret that I'm awfully fond of puppy-sized humans.

How nerdy is too nerdy? Let me answer your question with a question: How awesome is too awesome?

Was the character Alaska in your book Looking for Alaska based on a real person? Yes. No. I mean, in some ways she's based on me, but in other ways she's based on other people. There needs to be a word in the English language that encompasses both yes and no like 'nes.'

What is your favorite video game console? Strangely the answer to that question is also 'nes.'

What's your favorite anagram? Um, I'm pretty fond of the fact that Britney Spears anagrams to 'Presbyterians.'

Could God create a burrito so hot that even God couldn't eat it? I think that's what the Buddhists would call a question wrongly put. Like I do think that questions about God's omnipotence are interesting, but ultimately I think the question for people of faith is how and whether God works in the world and how and whether we can participate in that work.

If two nerdfighters have a baby is the baby born awesome or does the baby have to develop into awesome? Good question, and I know just the person to ask: Brotherhood 2.0 resident mathematician and future state congressperson Daniel Biss. [cut to phone call with Daniel] "Quick question, when you were looking at the ultrasound of your new baby, um did it- did the baby look awesome? Okay thanks." They're born awesome.

If you were forced to get a tattoo, what would it be? Well I really would have to be forced, but I'd probably get DFTBA tattooed on my hand so that way, whenever I walked into a room and I couldn't remember what I was supposed to do there, I could be like "Oh, right. I'm supposed to be awesome."

Who is that figure on top of your bookshelf? I believe you would be referring to my black Santa. This will all make sense when you read Paper Towns.

Are you still sticking to the four minute time limit? Yup.