H: Trying to go behind the sides to shoot our video.

J: Ha, by the way, stop trying to make 'behind the sides' happen. Hank, this is a set for a play. Like, we have somehow found ourselves-

H: Oh, well yeah it is!

J: In a small theatre

H: It seems like a really good place to make a video!

J: I don't know my line. Oh! 

H: Hm, that's something. I definitely don't know what I'm doing.

J: Well don't fall. There's the lights the lights, it's over there.

H: I don't know how any of this works.

J: Yeah, just turn it all on, man, it's like flying a plane.

H: I heard voices, I heard a lot of voices behind that door. It was locked. I'm gonna run away. Good morning, John it's Tuesday. We look great.

J: Okay. This is happening. Hank before we start the video in earnest I just wanna get rid of the elephant in the room and acknowledge that yes, I have shaved my mustache.

H: I'm so nervous that people are gonna walk in that door.

J: If they do it's fine. Almost never in my life have I not been nervous when Hank was nervous. This is a very new feeling for me.

H: Pineapple or no?

J: I'm sorry Hank, what was the-

H: It's, It's Question Tuesday thudaythuwe answer weel question fumreal nerdfighders. Pineapple or no?!

J: Yeah pineapples exist.

H: Or... or like is that the option, you either have pineapple or use of the word 'no'.

J: Hmmm

H: I'd take a pineapple

J: I might take 'no', I find 'no' to be a very useful word.

H: What's your pizza eating method, John. I take it off and I roll it up and then I slice it, ah, so that it's like a, like a cinnamon roll of pizza and -

J: Hank is so nervous right now.

H: I just want to get the video over with so we can get out of here before we get caught.

J: There is no getting caught. We are where we are supposed to be.

H: I had to take my shoe off to block a door. Opinions on next day pizza?

J: Oh strongly pro.

H: Reheated or cold?

J: Just pulled out of the fridge and eaten.

H: Oh it was in the fridge?

J: Oh god yes! Hank will eat anything. Like we go gas stations on tour and Hank's like 'Can I have this corn dog that's been slowly rotating for fourteen hours?'

H: They don't rotate the corn dogs, they just keep them under the heat tray. Only the hot dogs get rolled around.

J: How, I mean, that's the kind of thing that you shouldn't know because you shouldn't eat that stuff in gas stations.

H: Why's it there then? John - 

J: Yeah?

H: What would you do inside a whale?

J: Oh, um, panic. How did I get there? Did I get swallowed?

H: Yeah like what part of the whale am I in?

J: Right

H: If I'm next to the butt, can I get out the butt?

J: Whale hearts are big enough you could probably be in the whale aorta-

H: Yeah blue whale, and then it's a bad day for the whale.

J: Right the whale's having a heart attack -

H: I can't swim that fast and I'd just get caught downstream like in one of the junctions right in the nuts.

J: Do whales have nuts?

H: No in my nuts. The blood vessels when my legs go on either side -

J: Oh yeah - 

H: And I go 'ughhhh'.

J: And you do the splits.

H: And also yes whales have nuts.

J: Great, good to know.

H: They're on the inside.

J: And people say you don't learn anything from Vlogbrothers videos.

H: Would you rather have a pizza sized John or a John sized pizza?

J: It's an interesting question, what you would do in real life if suddenly a miniature version of yourself showed up.

H: You wouldn't do anything with it. You would have to let it decide what to do for itself.

J: Right you'd, you'd have to be like 'Go, go free little me and if you love me you'll come back'.

H: Have you ever eaten real pizza in Italy? I have.

J: Yep.

H: It had too many olives on it. It was basically an olive.

J: I find Italian pizza to be a little bit overrated to be honest with you.

H: America. We don't make stuff, we make stuff better.

J: That's a great line, um it's not always true.

H: But it doesn't really matter whether it's true. It matters whether it sounds good.

J: Welcome to 2017. Is it true that whale nuts are on the inside?

H: Yes that is true.

J: How do you know that? 

H: Have you ever seen a whale? I looked it up

J: No.. not...

H: The honest answer is I looked it up. I wanted to look it up one day and I was like 'Where are whale nuts'? and I found out where they were.

J: What play do you think this is for Hank?

H: Huuhhhhh...

J: Could be like Arsenic and Old Lace

H: Death of a Salesman

J: Yeah it could be that. At any rate Hank, I'm glad that we got to perform unexpectedly on this stage. You know what it seems like to me is the kind of formal living room where, like, any time you sat down in it as a kid you knew you were in trouble

H: Or that your hamster died

J: Haha right, we have something serious to talk to you about. Your terrible dog ate your beloved hamster. We do have to go on stage now.

H: We do...

J: Not this stage, the real one.

H: Yeah, yep, we, yep

J: Goodbye!

H: John I'll see you now

J: There I am, oh God