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In which Hank gets freaked out by some random crying and probably enjoys his new war-hammer a little too much.
I'm back, returning to play more Assassin's Creed. If you remember last time, I went back in time and, uh, tracked down a girl named Christina and initiated romantic, uh, longings for her in the hopes that it would, uh... my longings would be returned. So, that was weird and now I'm wondering where an actual mission is 'cause there's so much you can do in this game. But, uh, much of it is just extra and I'm not really an 'extra' guy, you know? I'm not a guy who does extra stuff. But, you know, people seem to like it, when I do extra stuff, so maybe I will become a guy who does extra stuff. But I'm going to this tunnel so I can get closer to the actual mission that I'm doing.
And, it's over here. I knocked myself over. Excuse me! I decided I wanted your horse. Nah, I just wanted to throw you onto the ground. That's... that's cool, right? It was, it was an accident, I swear.
Okay, where is it? There it is. 'B' to interact; thanks, don't mind if I do. Um... Nope. That's probably the closest one. I'm sure. I'm absolutely positive. SPQR.
(singing) White screen, exclamation point, doing a dance on my TV screen. White screen, exclamation point and the infinite grid. (end) 
Yeah, I know how to hold an enemy while in combat. I am not... not that stupid. Okay... um. I'm gonna go, now we're gonna do some walking, 'cause I'm a walker. I walk hard.
I feel like I end up right here a lot, unless a lot of the ruins in town look a lot like this. I guess there's a big ruined part of town that I just spend time in. I feel like a lot of good, uh, criminal activity would go on here. There's some, down there, some nice criminals, good.
Oh, I missed. H'ya! Oh... missed again. (crying) What's that noise? What's that... hello? What's going on? What's crying? That's weird, that's creepy! What was that?! Hello...? Crying person? Um, what is the crying noise coming from? Are you under the dock? (laughs) What, there's nobody around.
Are you in the boat? It's very loud. Nothing on the map. There's, what was that? I almost fell off this thing? Yeah. And when I get closer she stops. That was creepy and weird and I didn't like it.
Um... okay. Well now that I, I'm, maybe that's a glitch? I don't know. I don't know, that's weird, and I'm very close to the mission, so I should just go to the mission. Who's crying!? Oh man, okay, somebody look that up on the internet and see if, sometimes Assassin's Creed just cries at you.
Are you... is it this, all the way over here? You? Is it you? You have a loud cry! Jeez. Oh man, that was disconcerting.
(commentary) Uh, oh. What kind of boat ride? (commentary) Yes. Um, yeah. Is it like one of those cougar cruises? (commentary) Okay, do it. Well, that's a really great Italian accent you have there, kid. Um, right, here we go. (reads from screen) Holy crap, um... so I'm looking for a guy with no left forearm and a, and a grudge, uh, I assume.
Okay, what am I looking for? Press 'Y' to activate Eagle Vision and find my target. Right there. And I'm just, I'm just... Follow Silvestro to the captured slaves and remain undetected. Yes, okay. It's easy to remain undetected when there's lots of people around. I'll just blend. Will it blend?: Ezio Auditore edition.
Oh, I don't even have to push the button, he just walks along with people. Just walking with people. I'm totally blended, you don't know I'm here. And, uh... I could assassinate this person with the touch of a button, but I don't think I will, because that would probably cause some ruckus, call some attention to me. You keep... people with the stopping and turning around for no reason, that's not how it works; being a person.
Okay, slowly getting fewer and fewer people in my group to blend with because of this jerk on the horse! Jeez! That was annoying. One jerk on a horse ruins everything- ah! Nya nya nya nyan. Gee, he really did, that jerk on the horse, ruin everything. Okay, can't see through a horse.
I would rather just kill this guy and have it done with. Oh, why is he running? He started running, without me d-aah, shoot. He stopped.
There was a 'Call Assassins' button, I've never used that button. I don't really know what it does... except call assassins.
Hey. I'm, I'm tracking this guy down. Restricted area? Oh no. oh, there's slaves here. (commentary) There's a lot of people... (commentary) Yes, he did, but you're not afraid of him. Should I call assassins now? Nice! I can just push a button and someone else does the dirty work.
I'm glad to see that we're not doing the thing that we talk to the person after I've stabbed them in the brain. I didn't kill this guy though, somebody else did, so what am I doing there? Nice claw, jeez.
Yup. I wanna try my new weapon, where is it? Where's my new weapon? I bought a thing! That's just money... Oh, I don't know how to equip it then. Oh, there it is. Hello? (laughs) Oh God, dayum, that was hardcore! What...? Gee, I really killed that guy a lot. It wants me to go to the pigeon coop. Did somebody say something about pomegranates?
Okay, it is, it is time for this episode to end. Uh, when you see me next, or by which I mean, when you hear me next time, I will go to this pigeon coop. Uh, you will see me then. Goodbye- hear me! You will hear me then! Goodbye.