What's Coming: Never has energy efficiency been more important to my happiness and health! Where did she- WHOA, WHOA, WHO ARE YOU?

Hank: Hello, and welcome to Games With Hank! I'm Hank! We're gonna play games!

Hank: This has been suggested a number of times. When I ask people what I should play, it was the most commonly suggested game that I should play. It's kinda been going around.

Hank: Everybody's playing it. Five Nights At Freddy's. I think, Elizabeth, somebody named Lemon, possibly Persephone, suggested it. So thanks to those folks. 

Hank: I actually- here's a true story. I am a big fan- I am a big fan of Showbiz Pizza and the Rock-afire Explosion, and I've heard that this game is basically about the Rock-afire Explosion, the fake, animatronic band that played at Showbiz Pizza when I was 5. 

Hank: I'm not even joking, this game is kind of a dream come true for me. Except for the part where I hear they're trying to kill me. 

Hank: It's time for me to enter my dream land where I get to hang out with Showbiz Pizza Band, all night long! Here we go. Ow!

Hank: Looks like I'm- I'm here for a new job. I, uh, am unemployed and I need a job and apparently there's a night- night watchman position available at Freddy's Pizza? Uh, and here- here it is. It's super creepy.

(Phone Rings) 

Hank: Yeah, answer the phone! Hello? Hello? Hel- okay. Well, it looks like people had a good time here once upon a time. 

Phone Guy: Hello? Hello?

Hank: Hello!

Phone Guy: Uh, I wanted to record a message for you to help you get settled in on your first night.

Hank: There's a lot of- can I clean up a little bit? Would that be acceptable because it's... not good. 

Phone Guy: Um, I actually worked in that office before you. I'm finishing up my last week now as a matter of fact. So, I know it can be a bit overwhelming...

Hank: I wanna drink this soda.

Phone Guy: But I'm gonna tell you there's nothing to worry about, uh you'll do fine. 

Hank: Okay. 

Phone Guy: So, let's just focus on getting you through your first night, okay?

Hank: Just my first night, okay.

Phone Guy: Okay, let's see, first there's an introductory greeting from the company that I'm supposed to read. 

Hank: Do it! Tell me!

Phone Guy: Uh, it's kinda legal thing, you know. 

Hank: Yeah. 

Phone Guy: Um, welcome to Freddy Fazbear's Pizza. A magical place for kids and grownups alike, where fantasy and fun come to life.

Hank: It seems like, the magic may be somewhat depleted. 

Phone Guy: Fazbear Entertainment is not responsible for damage to property or person upon discovering the damage or death have occurred, a missing person report will be filed...

Hank: Oh, I just got a text message that scared me. 

Phone Guy: ...within 90 days, or as soon property and premises, have been thoroughly cleaned and bleached...

Hank: Yeah.

Phone Guy: ...and the carpets have been replaced. Blah, blah, blah. Now, that might sound bad, I know. 

Hank: It does, it sounds bad. 

Phone Guy: But there's really nothing to worry about. Uh, the animatronic characters here...

Hank: It doesn't seem like there's nothing to worry about. 

Phone Guy: ...do get a bit quirky at night...

Hank: Yeah. 

Phone Guy: But do I blame them? No. If I were forced to sing those same stupid songs for twenty years and I never got a bath?

Hank: They're not stupid songs!

Phone Guy: So remember, these characters hold a special place in the hearts...

Hank: Oh, jeez. 

Phone Guy:...of children, and we need to show them a little respect. 

Hank: What the frick was that? 

Phone Guy: Okay. So just be aware, the characters do tend to wander a bit, uh they're left in some kind of free-roaming mode at night. 

Hank: That's not- that's not acceptable. That's-

Phone Guy: Uh, something about their servers locking up if they get left off for too long.

Hank: You know, I feel like you could just...

Phone Guy: Uh, they used to be allowed to walk around the day too...

Hank: ...not. 

Phone Guy: But then there was the Bite of '87. Yeah. It's amazing that the human body can live without the frontal lobe, you know?

Hank: I- I'm not sure that that's true. I think if you lost both sides of your frontal lobe you'd be pretty dead. 

Phone Guy: Now concerning your safety, the only real risk to you as the night watchman, if any, is the fact that these characters, uh, if they happen to see you after hours, probably won't recognize you as a person. 

Hank: 'Kay.

Phone Guy: They'll most likely see you as a metal endoskeleton...

Hank: (Sigh)

Phone Guy: ... without its costume on. Now, since that's against the rules here at Freddy Fazbear's Pizza, they'll probably try to forcefully stuff you inside a Freddy Fazbear suit.

Hank: Being a metal endoskeleton is against the rules? Can we have that be not against the rules? I don't want that. 

Phone Guy: Now, that wouldn't be so bad if the suits themselves weren't filled with crossbeams, wires, and animatronic devices, especially around the facial area.

Phone Guy: So, you can imagine how having your head forcefully pressed inside one of those could cause a bit of discomfort...and death. Uh, the only parts of you that would likely see the light of day again would be you eyeballs and teeth...

Hank: Yeah. Just bleeding and death. Discomfort and death. You know, two sides of the same corn. Corn? 

Phone Guy: Oh, but hey! First day should be a breeze. I'll chat with you tomorrow...

Hank: I feel like I could just leave at this point. 

Phone Guy: Uh, check those cameras and remember to close the doors only if absolutely necessary. Gotta conserve power. Alright, good night. 

Hank: Okay, so I'm see- Oh, God! I didn't- whoa, hello! Hey, how's it going? Do I just click on these things?

Hank: They're all in the- they're all still there. So this- ah, no- this little bar is telling me, the green, is telling me how much power is being used and I don't want to use a lot.

Hank: Can I turn the fan off? Cause that's just a waste! It's a waste of power.

Hank: Ok, they're all still there. It's fine. Everything's fine. Everybody's still hanging out in their place. I mean, they're just animatronic dolls, so they wouldn't move. Why would they move?

Hank: See? It's all good. Everything's fine. I can't look at them all the time, because apparently it uses power to look at them.

Hank: Celebrate! See? These guy's don't look scary at- AHHHH WHERE'D YOU GO?

Hank: Ok, you're just right there. That's fine. Still there. Ok, everybody's fine. This- Oh jeez!- terrifying cupcake there with the one.

Hank: Ok, see the bunny. Bun bun's just hanging out. Every body else is where they're supposed to be. Everything's fine.

Hank: I like- I like my animatronic friends. I'll keep an eye- AHH- on them and everything will be just fine.

Hank: Ok, just stay there. Where can you go from there? Uhh, what about your friends? Are they- oh god, the camera, the camera stopped working. Why did the camera stop working?

Hank: Ah, oh, he's gone now, he's gone. So that's scary. Oh, no, there he is! Bunny friend is now in the other room.  Bunny- OH WE'VE LOST THE DUCK! The duck duck, where'd you go duck? Oh there you are! 

Hank: Okay everybody, I see the duck, I see the bunny, everybody is just, everybody is fine, everybody here's where-basically right where you're supposed to be everything is great. Okay.

Hank: Can we turn the fan off? 'Cause there's all this power usage happening. Turn it- turn it off. 

Hank: Oh god bunny, oh god, okay, okay, where'd the bunny go? WHERE'D THE BUNNY GO? Where'd the bunny go? Where's the bunny now? Where is- oh it's right down the hall. Right there. Ri-

Hank: Okay bunny, you- I mean- what- what time it's- can I just leave? is there a backdoor? Is there a pla- I don't understand why I'm sticking around for this job after finding out about the endoskeleton problem.

Hank: Okay. Oh god where's the duck? I forgot about the duck! Where's the duck? Where's the duck? Where's the duck. No off, don't turn on.

Hank: Oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god, the noise. Stop making noise.

Hank: Hello? Hello? Oh god, don't- no- don't use all the power. Hello?

Hank: Oh jeez, you're really close, you're really close. (Crying) Okay.

Hank: Why can't we use- can we have more efficient lights please? Install some LED's, something, so we can have more power! I'm bad at this game.

Hank: Oh god, I don't wanna die. Ah don't kill me, don't kill me. Oh you're really close, you're really close.

Hank: What about the duck? Bunny's really close, what about the duck? Where's the duck- (OOHH!) that's scary!

Hank: Okay the bunny's closer then the duck so let's just keep an eye on the bunny. You're close, you're very close bunny.

Hank: Okay 48% power. I mean energy efficiency is extremely important, but we really should be thinking about more efficient options if we want to have a safe, fun time at Freddy's.

Hank: Okay where at you? You're still there. Okay I can look really fast, I don't have to- it doesn't have to take a long time.

Hank: No, no, no, ah, door, door, door. Okay how do I know when their gone? How do I know?

Hank: Oh, oh, oh, how do I know? Are you gone? AH YOU'RE NOT GONE, YOU'RE NOT GONE! Okay. Go away! I'm using to much power!

Hank: Are you gone now? You're gone now, okay, everything's fine. Alright, I just pushed- oh I didn't mean to do that.

Hank: Okay where is the duck, where- where is it? Where is it? Where is it? Is it right- ah it is, it is, it is!

Hank: Okay you just stay right there. Ah, oh god, who'd, never has energy efficiency been more important to my happiness and health.

Hank: Where did you- WHOA, WHOA, WHO ARE YOU? Wait, there's more, there's more things. Whoa, I forgot about the- okay, Freddy's just- what is that? Is that the bunny? I don't know.

Hank: Okay. Oh you're still there. WHY ARE YOU STILL THERE? Chicky chick, go away chicky chick. Go away. Seriously.

Hank: Ooooooooooooookay bunny's headed back to me. But what about chicky chick? 

Hank: "Let's eat!" says chicky chick. 'Let's have a pizza!' Oh man. 5 am. What's that mean? Did I do it? Did I win? Did do it, first try?

(Bells ringing. Children cheering)

Hank: Yay! I'm gonna go home and never come back! No, second night? Why would I come back to this job?!

Hank: I don't need money that badly! There are many other support systems available in the United States for people who don't have income!

(beep)

Hank: Oh, oh, okay I feel very accomplished that I managed to survive. I feel like I had a lot of power left, too. Yeah, just five stars to me, I just-I'm very impressed with myself.

Hank: We will, in fact, be coming back for night two at Five Nights at Freddy's. I wanna see how well I can do.

DFTBA.