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In which John mows, discusses ex-girlfriends, invents statistics, and fantasizes about a Dutch takeover of the U.S.


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A Bunny
( - -)
((') (')
'Hi Hank!'

(cut to John) It's Wednesday. This is what I look like when I finish mowing the lawn.

I hate it. I hate it so much. I mean, I know it'd be one thing if I was working hard for something I believe in, but I'm working hard for something I hate- GRASS.

Ahhhheewwww I'm so gross; I have to take a shower.

Heh, I feel much better. By the way Hank, the other person who said hello to you was nerdfighter extraordinaire Kelly Fineman. So about... hey bookshelf background! Nice to see you again. How you guys doing? Everybody still cataloged? Yeah? We got some reference, we got some general Christianity over here... down here we got some child prodigies. PERFECT.

Hank, I know you said I should just get rid of all the grass on our property, and it does definitely... I just said property funny.

And it does bother me that we spend all of this water and all of this energy in order to maintain a lawn that I only walk on when I am mowing it...

But unfortunately for me, the only thing that I hate more than wasting water and energy and time mowing a lawn...
is being ostracized by my peers... and I know that's not very nerdfightery of me! ...but it's a fact. I just can't bear the thought of all of the people in this neighborhood hating me. I mean, they're already kind of dubious about us...

So until I can gather up some nerdfighter courage, I'm going to keep mowing the lawn.

Incidentally Hank, do you know the difference between regular cupcakes and nerdfighter cupcakes? Instead of containing a lot of sugar, nerdfighter cupcakes contain a lot of awesome.

Now... about the ex-girlfriends. When I did this... (looks in corner of eyes) none of the stuff I was thinking was very funny, so I didn't want to say it. But since you called me on it, I'll explain it- what I was thinking, was that, uhh, I spent all of these years being really mean to my ex-girlfriends. You know, because they dumped me, and the manners in which they dumped me were kind of seemingly excessively cruel.

But now when I look back on it, it doesn't seem like this dichotomy, where I was good, and they were bad, and I stayed with them, and they left me... It seems more like-thank God I ended up with the Yeti!

And maybe they've been through enough, because what I've realized is just because you date someone for 2 and a half years, and dump them over Instant Messenger, doesn't mean that it's entirely your fault that the relationship ended. In fact, you could make an argument that I wasn't a great boyfriend until I met the Yeti. And now, you could make the argument that I'm not a great husband, although I did just mow the lawn! And that is one husbandly duty.

Okay, onto another topic. Hank, in the past few days, there's been a lot of talk in my pants about whether or not people in other countries, and people under the age of 18, should be able to contribute to Daniel Biss' campaign fund.

Hank, I tend to agree with you that people under 18 should be allowed to contribute and in general, contribute more to the political process. And initially, I thought I agreed with you that people from other countries should not be allowed to, you know, give money to American political campaigns. Because it's not like, we would want, say, the Netherlands in the American political process.

But then I realized, I DO want the Netherlands to run the American political process. They're a lot better at it than we are. I mean, Hank, there are more murders on American TV in a week than there are actual murders in the Netherlands in a year. (I made that statistic up, but I bet it's true).

But Hank, who knows. Maybe my optimism about the American political experience will change- specifically the most reasonable way it might change is if people elected Daniel Biss to be the state representative in his district in the state of Illinois.

Contributions to Daniel's acabalu page made before midnight Eastern Time on Friday will count toward my punishment, as will contributions from people outside the United States and from minors to the fund to decrease World Suck.

Hank, I'll see you tomorrow.