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In which John shares a sneak peek of the movie adaptation of his novel The Fault in Our Stars, shanks Hank for giving him a cold, and attempts a backflip.

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Good morning Hank, it's Tuesday. Thanks for giving me your cold while we were together in Florida. I'm just kidding. NO THANKS! What is the opposite of thanks…? Shanks. Shanks for the cold, Hank.

Anyway, it's Question Tuesday, the day that I answer real questions from real Nerdfighters. Let's get right to it.

Would you rather be a world famous banjo or accordion player?
I'm gonna go with world famous banjo. I mean, being an accordion player would be fun and everything, but I'd have to be human, and all things being equal, I think I'd rather be a banjo.

Hey, how to you feel about the trailer for the TFiOS movie leaking?
Kind of upset, mostly because the trailer is not, like, an iPhone video of a low-res screener. It's in high definition, and it's beautiful. Also, it is debuting TOMORROW! So you can see it then. You only have to wait like twenty-four hours. To hold you over, here is the world premier of a ten second teaser.

[Teaser plays]
[Music: What You Wanted by One Republic]
Voice over (Hazel Grace as played by Shailene Woodley): I can't tell you how thankful I am for our little infinity.
[Teaser ends]

That is what it really looks like. French the Llama I am excited! I am still trying to make that into a thing.

Hey speaking of movies, if a movie were to be made about Dave Green, who do you think would play him?
Benedict Cumberbatch.

John, do you like Dave Green more than you like Hank?
I'll tell you one thing: Dave never gave me a horrible cold.

My daughter doesn't like pizza. Is she a monster?
Doesn't give me any pleasure to tell you this, but yeah, I—I think she might be a monster. I mean, it could be lactose intolerance or a gluten thing, but it—most likely monsterness.

How excited are you about Esther's book coming out today?
SO flipping excited. This book is wonderful. Please run, don't walk, to your nearest bookstore to get a copy. There's also a link in the dooblydoo where you can buy one on the Internet. In fact I'm going to do a live show tomorrow to read from the book and talk more about it, so I'll see you then.

Have you ever thought about the fact that guinea pigs are basically just meat potatoes?
Mmm, I prefer to think of potatoes as like hairless, vegetarian guinea pigs.

Who's your favorite member of One Direction?
I don't know, is there a nerdy one? Hold on, I'll call Meredith and ask. [On cell phone] Who's the nerdiest member of one direction? All right, Niall. Thank you. [hangs up cell phone]. Niall is my favorite member of One Direction. I don't know how to spell his name. Is it like the river?

Anyway, enough about how old I am. Let's move on.

Do you like your handwriting?
[Holds up handwritten sign reading "Give me the cookies or else it's TANTRUM TIME."] Not really. Everything I write looks like a ransom note authored by a seven year old.

I just read Franny and Zooey, and I can't stop thinking about the quote "I'm sick of not having the courage to be an absolute nobody." What do you think of that?
That's one of my favorite lines in that book, actually. I think it takes tremendous courage to do things that are worth doing rather than, like, worrying over whether you're going to be celebrated for having done them.

Chocolate chip cookies or Oreos?
I think you meant "and." Chocolate chip cookies and Oreos. And the answer to that is yes.

If all the drawings you'd ever drawn came to life and followed you around, how would you react?
[Holds up drawing of either two horses or two giraffes] I'd be like, "Man, I don't know if those are horses or giraffes, but they sure are ugly."

Which U.S. president would you have play a character in The Fault in our Stars movie?
All right, Gus is Obama; Hazel is Thomas Jefferson; Hazel's mom and dad are respectively Millard Fillmore and James K. Polk; Andrew Johnson plays Van Houten; Isaac is played by Ulysses S. Grant with no beard; Patrick-the-support-group-leader: Jimmy Carter; Gus's mom: Martin Van Buren; Gus's dad: Ronald Reagan; I cast the whole movie!

Do you have any fishing boat proceeds for 2013? Sadly, no, still no fishing boat proceeds. My Tumblr generates lots of gifs, but no income. The fishing boat proceeds joke is now, like, fully seven years old, and almost no one gets it, but I assume that old Nerdfighters will explain it to new Nerdfighters in comments.

At what point am I considered a Nerdfighter?
If you wanna be a Nerdfighter, you probably already are one.

Favorite fairy tale growing up?
The Emperor's New Clothes.

Favorite museum in Amsterdam?
The Stedelijk.

Do penguins have knees?
Yes.

What color are your socks?
Green.

And lastly, John, how many back-flips can you do?
[Gets on floor] So I think you just kinda—you go down like this, and then you just—y'just kick your legs way up, and you do a back-flip. Hyuh! OAHH. Hiyehgy AHHHH. Oww hohoho. Haww. Zero. Zero, I can do zero back-flips. 

Now Hank, I don't want to make excuses for my inability to do a back-flip, but I did get pretty close to success even though, you know, I have a massive cold that was caused by you.

Hank, I'll see you on Friday, but before I go, here is the teaser one last time.

[Teaser plays]
[Music: What You Wanted by One Republic]
Voice over (Hazel Grace as played by Shailene Woodley): I can't tell you how thankful I am for our little infinity.
[Teaser ends]