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In which John answers real questions from real nerdfighters. Do let me know what tattoo you think I should get.

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Good morning Hank, it's Tuesday. It's question Tuesday, the day that I answer real questions from real nerdfighters.

I asked for brief questions and of course I got them, beginning: briefs or boxers? I wear boxer briefs, lets move on!

"If everybody stopped sneezing, how long do you think it would take somebody to realize it?" Wow, I don't know. I guess I'm gonna say like a month, but I'd like to see some rigorous research applied to the question, it's a very interesting one. I think it would take a little while for people to be like "Hey, have you sneezed recently? Because I haven't."

"How do you think having children has impacted your writing?" I guess there are a lot of times when 2009 me would have been writing and 2015 me is making a Lego Wookiee gun ship. But I gotta say I don't really feel like it's a bad change, I mean this thing holds 2 different Wookiees, it has double Wookiee pilots.

"A girl at my school told me she'd rather be popular than smart, what is the correct response to this?" Mmm... sympathy?

"Hey John, what's your middle name?" Danger! It's not. It's Michael.

"Last TV show you marathoned?" The Americans, which is excellent.

"Hey, are you writing another book?" You know another awesome thing about this Wookiee Gunship? It opens up, it's got like a cargo bay inside of it.

"Who's a relatively unknown poet you love?" There's a lot but the first who comes to mind is the Persian poet Hafiz who I feel like is not as well-known here as he should be.

"Apart from pizza, what do you think is the best..." No, no, no, no, no, no, no. There is no "apart from pizza." Not a lot of things in this world that make me angry, but you should not be apart from pizza. Alright, I apologize for the seriousness but that's something I feel strongly about. Let's return to lighter questions!

"Hey, I heard they're making Looking For Alaska into a movie, who're you going to cast..." I don't cast movie adaptations of my books or actually any movies. "Hey, will you cast Katie Ho..." Yeah, I just don't cast movies. I'm a novelist and a video blogger and a pizza enthusiast, and not a caster of films.

"Hey, when are you gonna do your inkless tattoo punishment?" Soon-ish. Maybe I should get "I don't cast movies" tattooed on my cheek. No, that's a bad idea even for an inkless tattoo but I do need a tattoo idea, let me know if you have any in comments.

"If you could use one dinosaur to ride onto it's back into battle, what dinosaur would it be?" Hey Henry? I have a dino-question for you. Apparently we're gonna go with Apatosaurus.

"Hey now that you're back home, what project are you most excited to work on?" Well, we still haven't put the wings on. I think they like flap, it's gonna be awesome when it's finished. Also, I'm signing my name over and over again so that independent bookstores around the US will have signed copies of Paper Towns for the holidays.

"Hey, I didn't see your cameo in the Paper Towns movie." Yeah it's not so much something you see so much as it's someone you hear.

And finally, "Do you think you or Hank would get further in American Ninja Warrior." Henry and I have been watching a lot of American Ninja Warrior, so I have a built-in advantage because I at least know what it is, whereas I suspect Hank doesn't. I actually like my odds to get past the quintuple steps. So yeah, I'm gonna say me. Hank, maybe we can add American Ninja Warrior to next year's Quadragocon. In the meantime, I will see you on Friday.

Wait, I forgot to answer the most-asked question of the week! "Can wee see Willie?" Willie! Treat!

Hi. (gurgling/babbling noises)