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Uploaded:2013-05-09
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Previously on beer and board games: "is physical violence allowed?"

Matt: Now that you've taken off the frog head, you just look like a maître d' from the future.

Hank: We rollin'

Matt: Don't slap me with crust...Hey folks! Welcome back to beer and board games. Come on in and play a game with us. I hope you know the password!

Aaron: (sound effects)

Hank: What?!

Aaron: Even the Maitre D is surprised.

Greg: Yeah, ha ha ha. 

 Beer 4


Matt: This is a toast from Maya B to her boyfriend James for his 21st birthday. While they were abroad last semester, some of their dates consisted of watching our show together via Google Hangout. They're both big fans.

Aaron: Oh, that's awesome!

Greg: Maya and James, so sweet.

Matt: You know what?

Aaron: W- no.

Matt: James bought a toast for Maya B!

Hank: Oh, did they not...

Greg: What!?

Matt: I don't know if they coordinated it or what. He wants Hank to toast Maya B, she's the best person ever and a huge fan of Vlogbrothers.

Hank: Maya, you are a Nerdfighter.  I think you both smell like strawberries, without anus.

Matt: Yeah!

Greg: Without anus!

Matt: That just seems like a good, a good toast just by itself, just "without anus!".

Hank: This dice is not from this game.

Aaron: (Laughs)

Greg: You didn't see it folks, but this is Matt's beer, and that's a die.

Matt: Great, I will now drink everyone's freakin' finger... stank.

Hank: We are drinking Bohemia, established 1905, (?~1:49)

Aaron(?~1:52): I think it's great!

Matt: I really like Bohemia when I've had it, but this doesn't taste good, maybe it's the stanky die that was thrown into there.

Aaron: It tastes like fingerprints, doesn't it?

Matt: It tastes overly citrus-y, and it doesn't - it's not strong enough, it doesn't have a lot of body.

Hank: Yeah, I actually don't like it myself.

Aaron: I like it after that sweet beer, I kinda liked the tang...

Hank: It's very -

Matt: This, to me is sweeter though.

Hank: There's very little to this beer.

Matt: The game of Password is played like this: we go into teams together, I'm with Mr. Smacky and, uh, Fuckface and Ass-Nabs...

Aaron:(?~2:24)

Greg: I don't know which one is Fuckface and which one is Ass-Nabs.

Aaron: You're Ass-Nabs and I'm Fuckface.

Greg: I don't wanna...

Matt: Clue-giver starts, they give a one-word clue to the guesser, and they try to guess the word.  If they don't guess it, then the next team does the same thing.  If they don't guess it, then we go down to nine, and then we go back and forth until someone guesses their word.

Aaron: And you have to say one word. S- stomach.

Greg: Ache!

Hank: That's pantomime, you ass, he said stomach and then he said - 

Greg: Don't be a sore loser!

Matt: You guys get ten points.

Aaron: All right!

Greg: Great.

Hank: I'm not entirely sure what this word even means.

Aaron: C'mon, you're a mastermind.

Hank: Secretaries...

Matt: Day.

Hank: No.

Greg: He would know what the word day means.  
Parental...

Aaron: Guidance.

Greg: Correct!  Bing!

Matt: It's twenty to nothin', our team is shit!
Raincoat.

Hank: Yellow?

Matt: No.

Aaron: Defendant.

Greg: Plaintiff.

Aaron: Bam.

Greg: Whoa! Ging!

Matt: Okay, thirty to zero!  Freakin' Password!

Greg: Steel.

Aaron: Metal.

Greg: Oh fuck, you suck at this, you suck at this.

Hank: Hitchcock.

Matt: Suspense.

Hank: No dude...

Greg: Burglarize.

Aaron: Um... thief.

Greg: Oh fuck...

Hank: Shower.

Matt: Oh, Psycho.

Hank: Correct...

Matt: Hey!

Hank and Matt: Nine points!

Matt: Our turn, we're gonna try and gain some points.  Right now it's thirty to nine, we're suckin' the- the big pipe.
Listen closely; (singing) baby...

Hank: What?

Greg: I don't think he can sing.

Hank: (singing) baby...

Matt: Yeah... in retrospect it's a bad clue.  The next clue you'll definitely get it.

Hank: Fire.

Matt: I trust you - No, that's not right, good guess.

Aaron: Recreation.

Greg: Reenactment. 

Hank: Is that a word, recreation?

Matt: Beck.

Hank: Loser.

Matt: Hey! Yeah!

 Beer 5


Hank: I also have never been on a Beer and Board Games live, I have also never been on Beer and Board Games, and so I am very pleased to have been invited, it is one of my favorite television shows.

Matt: You're talking like a steampunk character.

Hank: Are you on the television?

Greg: Tom Grundy has sponsored an insult, "Can you please abuse my friend Matthew Remmer -" haha 'rimmer', that's gonna be an easy one!  Uh, "for being a total bitch!", his words.
Matthew Remmer, your favorite movie of the Matrix trilogy is Matrix: Revolutions.

All: Whoa. wow, etc.

Aaron: Too real!

Hank: Matthew Remmer, your face killed a baby chicken.

Greg: It's true.

All: Laughter

Hank: It's going to be confusing we can't edit things back and forth now.

Greg: We have switched sides. Hello Matt. I love you Matt. Oh yeah, oh yeah, come on. Yeah.

Hank: I look better in this camera.

Matt: Ok, you want to give clues first or guess first?

Greg: MMMM, this is beer! Ahhhh.

Hank: Get it on, man. 

Greg: Breaststroked. 

Matt: Swam.


Greg: BAM

Matt: Yeah. 

Hank: I have to put on... 

Aaron: Yeah that's good.

Matt: He's wearing his dick hat. 

Aaron: X-ray

Hank: Vision.

Matt: Wit.

Greg: Humor.

Greg: You didn't do it right. 

Aaron: Baby.

Hank: Oh, um, that thing that you get when you have a baby and they do the thing where they put like, jelly on you.

Greg: When do they put jelly on you when you have a baby?

Hank: You're thinking of breakfast! A sonogram?

Matt: Brief.


Greg: Joke.

Aaron: Pregnancy.

Hank: We have a baby x-ray and it's not a sonogram, what kind of other baby x-rays are there?

Matt: You look like a fucking deep space jester. 

All: Laughter

Matt: You've got your oxygen tube here. Soul.

Greg: Soul?  I have never been more confused in my life.

Matt: Greg gives up.

Matt: One-liner. 

Greg: That's a brief witticism.

Aaron: Ok I got this. Noise. 

Hank: It's a noise-based baby x-ray. Which is a sonogram. You may be confused about what your word means

Matt: That's not it. 

Aaron: Nope.

Matt: Levity. 

Hank: The fuuuu-

Matt: I know!

Greg: Sklearn. 

Hank: B-b-b-brevity. Sklearn is not the word. 

Aaron: Mega.

Hank: Ultrasound.

Greg: YEAH! That is it. 

Hank: I think it's the same damn thing. 

Greg: It's not.

Hank: In the comments below tell us whether or not they're the same, damn thing. 


Greg: Or in the comments below, do not leave a comment. 

 Beer 6


Hank: A sonogram is an image created by an ultrasound. Our research assistant looked it up, and I am a cow now. 

Greg (as Jimmy Stewart): I am a camera. I take pictures and write a poem (accurate Jimmy Stewart noises)

Hank: Jimmy Stewart is a fucking national treasure don't make fun oh him. 

Greg: I love Jimmy Stewart I met him in the last couple years of his life and I just- 

Matt: Cried? 


Greg: one of the biggest moments of my life. I took a picture of me with Jimmy Stewart and it looks exactly like this. See I wasn't lying.

(as Jimmy Stewart) I'm just trying to sign- four hours later- (accurate Jimmy Stewart noises)

Greg: That's how he talked! 

Aaron: What did you do during the four hours that you were waiting for him?

Greg: Just masturbating.

Aaron: Yeah of course. What else would you do? I would like to toast to Jack Collins. It is his birthday.

Matt: Oh happy birthday Jack!

Hank: Jack!


Aaron: This is part of his birthday present from his girlfriend Jemima. 

All: Jack Collins! 

Hank: Jemima this is your present

Matt: Jack may this next year of yours be full of surprises, be full of delights and candies.

Greg: And may you levitate to your own delight and surprise.

Hank: What's happening? Ahhh

Aaron: Oh my god! You're levitating Jack!

Greg: Now when this doesn't say how much what percentage of alcohol this is why doesn't it because the other thing I drink is 5.

Aaron: Because when this don't say with the, what's the, percentage of-

Matt: You're just like firing words out of your mouth. And they don't have anything to do with each other. This beer words alcohol! Bing bing bing. Content. Tilt. 

Greg: I don't do this very often. 

Hank: I don't like the tone of your voice. 

Greg: (singing) what a night.

All: ding ding ding 

Matt: Five, four, three, two, one. 

Greg: (screams like an old witch)

Matt: Oh!

Greg: One of the funniest sketches of all time. You better know what we're talking about. 

Hank: No. But first-

Matt: I'm 32, I don't-What? I think that Mumford and Sons is my favorite band. Mumford! And Sons! Dancing round to Mumford and Sons.

Hank: I don't know what's happening. 

Greg: Folks, we had a good time tonight.

Matt: Greg had a little bit too much alcohol. 

Greg: You know it was ok because it was an unusual experience for him. He had some fantasies about the same sex which was odd and surprising. Overall we got along well and we showed each other the meaning of love. 

Matt: Goodnight folks. Mumford and Sons!