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Hank discusses the true meaning of valentines day and completes the Strawberry Hill challenge


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A Bunny
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((') (')
Good morning, John. It's Wednesday, February 14th. I'm back in Montana for real this time. It's cold; can you see my breath? (blows several times) And it's snowing. I've returned home to a bit of a disaster. My hard drive is corrupt and I think I might have to go get a new computer, but today is Valentine's Day, so I feel kind of bad taking my wife to Best Buy when I should be taking her to, I don't know, wherever you go on Valentine's Day. I should probably make some kind of plan. (in his basement) I've come down to the basement; it's cold out there. Actually, Valentine's Day is a pretty exciting day for me because, while in high school, I deciphered the true meaning of Valentine's Day. Using a little bit of back-of-the-napkin etymology…etymology? Entomology? Etymology? Etymology. I worked out the true meaning of Valentine's Day. The word “Valentine” comes from two roots: the word Valen and the word tine. Now, most of us know what a tine is. It's one of these. (holds up a fork and points to one of the tines. puts the fork in his glasses) This fork has four tines. (fork no longer in glasses) Tine comes from the word “Zinne,” which is a German word that means pinnacle or point. Now, the word “Valen” is less well known. Babylon 5 aficionados will tell you that Valen was the Minbari not born of Minbari who brought the thousand-year peace to the Minbari people after the Shadow war. Thus, we have Valen, a semi-god of the Minbari people and time traveler, and the word pinnacle or point. My assumption must be that Valen came to earth in its past and brought us a slightly different message. And this message had something to do with Valen's (raises finger and wiggles it) pinnacle. Thus, the romantic connotation. I believe that Valen visited earth sometime in the early 11th century and that his visit was responsible for a spike in the human population. Valen brought the message of his pinnacle (shows fork), which increased the birthrate, and gave us a romantic holiday to celebrate. Happy Valen's Penis Day! Is it weird that that's the reason that I like Valentine's Day? Anyway, I promised you the Strawberry Hill challenge and here it is. I just watched it for the first time myself and, well, you'll see. (Hank holds up a bottle of Boone's Farm Strawberry Hill flavored citrus wine. He pours a glass, it has a lot of bubbles in it.) To Brotherhood! (He drinks. He is shocked and opens his mouth wide, allowing some to drip out.) Oh, it made me drool! (He drinks the rest of the glass in one gulp. He shakes his head a lot, making weird sounds. He groans, sticks his tongue out, and grimaces) It's left a kind of film on the inside of my mouth. (He tries to get it out with his tongue; he points to his cheeks.) It's back here. I have successfully completed the Strawberry Hill challenge. (burp) And, it's made me pretty burpy. (Hank holds up the bottle, which is about three-quarters full.) I don't know what I'm going to do with the rest of it because I'm definitely not going to drink it. (Five Minutes Later flashes on the screen) I have a confession to make. (bottle is now only half full) It doesn't taste good, but I keep wanting to drink more. Did you know that this was going to happen? Did you know that I was gonna have one glass and then I would have to drink the entire bottle and that would make me puke? (Hank drinks directly from the bottle while groaning; he swishes it in his mouth.) It tastes so bad! (He is holding a bottle with only about three sips left.) How is there only that much left? (He taps the bottom and drinks the pretty much the rest.) (He is holding the bottle sideways, and a very, very small amount is left in the bottle.) This is what I have left of the Boone's Farm Strawberry Hill flavored citrus wine. There's not any Strawberry Hill left. Eat five sheets of toilet paper while discussing the political situation in Nepal! Eat five sheets of toilet paper while discussing the political situation in Nepal…the political situation in Nepal…eat five sheets of toilet paper while discussing the political situation in Nepal. (eyes begin to roll; incoherent mumbling; eyes close)