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I had to cut this video waaay down, here are the parts I took out.
Hank: Now we're recording.
John: Okay.
Hank: We just recorded a video!
John: Meh, it wasn't that good.
Hank: Good morning, John.
John: Good morning, Hank.
Hank: It's warm out.
[John laughs]
John: It's a little hot here in Florida.
John: Can we start the video over where you say "Good morning John, it's Friday" instead of-
Hank: Why?
John: Because you didn't say that.
Hank: I never say that! I just say [silly voice] "Good morning John"
John: Well you should say the date. It's part of tradition and it bothers me that you don't do it.
[John laughs]

Hank: I also live in the present-
John: Yeah.
Hank: -due to the constraints of the space-time continuum.
John: I guess occasionally there's some Star Trek characters-
Hank: Yeah, uh, I mean there's people-
John: Who live in the -in the
Hank: -there's lots of fictional people who live in different timelines.
John: I would not say in a Vlogbrothers video that Time Lords are fictional, my friend.
Hank: Don't listen to the bad man.
[John laughs]

Hank: I'm not even going to tell you. Nope, this one's bad. That one's bad.

John: I think that's a Chicken v Egg argument.
Hank: The Court is now hearing the case of Chicken v Egg.
John: Chicken v Egg. 
[John Laughs]

Hank: Move over a little, you're not in the thing.
John: Well now there's going to be a significant change.
Hank: It's "Jif" if you're the developer of the format.
John: The people who made it thought it was a "Jif", but since books belong to their readers we call it "GIF". We get to decide. what it's called.
Hank: It's not a book.
John: Well things belong to the people that use them, not to the people who create them.
Hank: That's beautiful, John.
[John laughs]
Hank: I've only heard you say that 17,000 times.

John: How would you establish their credibility?
Hank: Oh, I'd just be like, y'know: "I'm gonna roll this die 5 times. Tell me what it's going to come up with each time." Because it's very unlikely that-
John: What is the likelihood of that?
Hank: 6 to the 5th power.
John: So 36 times 6
Hank: times 6 times 6
John: So that's
Hank: Times 6. So that's-
John: Everybody shut up for a minute....that's 1 in 4.
[Hank & John Laugh]

Hank: I would throw a party on Mars if money were no object.
[John laughs]
John: And then you'd have 1 day of party and then-
Hank: Just get on the ship and go back.
John: Or die.
Hank: Right, no, you just party.
John: Party till you die.
Hank: Everybody just runs out like "Woo partaay!!"
John: And then everyone just burns to death. Within hours.
Hank: Burns?
John: I don't know. What do I know about the-
Hank: It's cold.
John: Is it cold on Mars?
Hank: It's cold on Mars
John: Really?
Hank: It's cold on Mars.
John: Really?
Hank: It's COLD on Mars.
John: Are you positive? The whole time? All year round? Even in the Summer?
Hank: *nods* It's cold on Mars. Sorry.
John: Even in, like, August?
Hank: It's cold.
John: Right at the Equator.
Hank: Cold.
John: Right at the Martian Equator.
Hank: It's cold.
John: 'Cause it's further from Earth, is that why?
Hank: Yes. It's further from The Sun. It has nothing to do with how far away it is from Earth.
John: Wait you're telling me that heat is not produced by Earth?
[Hank laughs]
John: Now everything is being overturned! Next you'll tell me that Earth isn't the center of the universe! Or that 6 to the 5th power isn't 4!
Hank: You're bad at being a Nerd.
[John laughs]

Hank: That's it.
John: That's all you had?
Hank: That's all I want to do.
John: I think we should do, like, 3 more. I don't think we've got a very funny video yet.
Hank: I enjoyed it.
John: Well, it's been fun for us. But we have to make it fun for Nerdfighteria.

John: How will our culture change in the next 100 years?
Hank: ....Farts will be acceptable in public.

Hank: Turns out that the month in which I was born has nothing to do with the kind of person I am.
John: I don't know, I follow VirgoFacts on Twitter and it consistently nails me-
[Hank laughs]
John: -As a person who doesn't have everything that he wants. Um, but, he's on his way to getting it.

John: Which is more important: intelligence or common sense, Hank?
Hank: Um, intelligence.

John: Hank what change would you most like to make for your health?
Hank: I wanna have pecs!
John: Um.
Hank: Pecs! Pecs!
[John laughs]
Hank: Pecs! The answer is pecs!

[Hank imitates strange noise]
John: I can't tell if it's some kind of animal or-
Hank: I think it's the gutter.
John: Yeah.
Hank: I think it's the tree rubbing against the gutter.
John: I don't know. It makes me nervous.
Hank: It it.
John: Hank- Hank what would- Hank- Hank- Hank.
[Hank imitates strange noise]
John: Hank. Hank, what one goal do you hope to accomplish this year?
[Strange noise continues]
[Hank laughs & imitates noise]
John: I think it's an animal.
Hank: No, it's the tree rubbing against the gutter!
John: It's one of the most awful noises I've ever heard. It sounds like the last sound a squirrel makes.
[Hank laughs]

Hank: John thank you for playing Table Topics with me. The problem with what I'm about to say, which is: I will see you now, is that we would then turn to each other and look directly into each other's eyes and that would be weird.
John: Creepy.
Hank: Nah. So, goodbye.
John: Yeah. Sorry Slash Fiction writers. Not this time.
Hank: [In background] No no no no no.

John: Do you have what you need?
Hank: Yep.
John: Do you have what you need for an outtakes reel?
Hank: Probably.
John: Alright.
[John and Hank imitate weird noise