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[opening theme]
Hank: Hello, and welcome to this here episode of Dear Hank and John.

John: Or as I prefer to think of it, Dear-

Hank: It's a comedy podcast about, oh, sorry, I forgot about you, John.

John: Usually I get to come in there.

Hank: What did you want to say?

John: Forget it.

Hank: [laughs] It's a comedy podcast about death where me and my brother, John, we answer your questions, give you dubious advice, and bring you all the week's news from both Mars and AFC Wimbledon. How you doing, John?

John: I mean, I was doing alright until I didn't get to say my line. But now I feel like I've been left out. I feel like I got picked last on the playground. Actually, you know what, Hank, it's not so much a question of how I'm doing. It's a question of how I'm smelling, and the answer is fantastic, and do you want to know why? 

Hank: Oh! Oh, sure, yes, go.

John: It's because I've acquired a new sponsor, Hank.

Hank: Did you get 378 of something?

John: So you may remember that I got 378 Snickers bars after telling the nice folks at Mars that I loved their work at Vidcon Anaheim. I'm no dummy. So when we went to Vidcon Europe, Hank, I sought out all of the sponsors whose products I enjoy, and I was sure to let them know about it. 

Hank: Are you serious? Did this happen again? Am I going to be really mad?

John: Including Lush.

Hank: What?

John: The makers of fine bath balls. Hank, I don't know if you know this about me but I am a bath person.

Hank: I know you're a bath person.

John: I don't take showers. I think showers are just terrible. It's a form of assault. You're basically agreeing to be assaulted by droplets of water coming at you at a high rate of speed. They're kind of like slow water bullets, is how I think of showers. 

Hank: Ok? 

John: And so I am a bath taker, and I have always loved Lush's bath balls, and I'm not just saying that because they're now my personal sponsor. So I met the people from Lush, and I was like, "Obviously I love your work. It's cruelty free, it's organic, it's great."

 (02:00) to (04:00)

John: "You make some wonderful soaps and shampoos. All kinds of stuff. I love it!" And sure enough, four days later, what shows up at my office but a metric crapton of of bath balls. 

Hank: God dang it! Ok, John. I... ok, ok. So, first of all, I am happy for you. I don't know why this keeps happening to you and not to me

John: Thank you. I am so excited, I have already had two bath ball baths, and they're wonderful. 

Hank: But I do have two things to say. First of all, I have received from not sponsors, but fans of the pod, two different 378s. I have received 378 pennies, from some ne'er do well, who can go find a hole to crawl inside of and be ashamed of themselves. But I have also received, and my office has been very pleased, or certain members of them, from a bunch of fans of the pod 378 of a candy snack thing from Philadelphia called "Oh Ryan's Irish Potatoes". Which is a weird thing to say because potatoes are kind of already Irish potatoes. But they are kind of like a coconut ball dusted with cinnamon, and they are not my bag, but lots of people in my office like them, so we've got them up. And they're getting gone through pretty quick. So I did receive that sponsorship from Oh Ryan's even though Oh Ryan's didn't pay for it. So if you live in Philadelphia and you want to try something that's mostly coconut, check out Oh Ryan's Irish Potatoes. They're candy?

John: Hank, you know I don't like to be pedantic, but I would just like to point out that potatoes aren't Irish. Potatoes are a new world food that only came to Ireland after the Columbian exchange. 

Hank: [groans] I know, but they were very important in the history of Ireland! (03:58)

 (04:00) to (06:00)

H: We think about potatoes as an Irish thing, just like how we that of potatoes and an Idaho thing, even though they are also not from Idaho.

J: I think they actually might be from Idaho.

H: They're not, they're from South America.

J:Only South America? Didn't they travel north?

H:I mean they have now. Potatoes are everywhere now.

J: (Interuppting) Where is anything from in the end? Point being, Hank, LUSH makes wonderful bath balls, and I've just learned-as a result of this gift basket that I was given-also excellent soap.

H: Uh-That's wonderful, I, you know, I know that we are still talking about this and it's been ten minutes of podding already-it hasn't-but-


H: I also, I did do the thing. I tried to do the thing and I reached out to Pocky on Twitter, the makers of the Pocky candies, and they got in touch with me, and they sent me a Pocky gift basket, but I feel like it didn't quite count because I was expecting 378 boxes of Pocky and what I got was maybe 378 individual Pocky sticks. If- I didn't really count, but that doesn't seem like it to me, because it's like saying: "oh I got you- rice sponsored your podcast with 378 individual grains of rice." That's-

J: Well, Hank, here's the thing, I mean you'e good at a lot of stuff obviously , like you're really good at planning and executing vidcons, which I personally appreciate, because it allows me to have sponsors. But what you are not good at is talking to corporations and corporate representatives in a way that makes them want to send you free stuff. And like, that's why there's two of us. We have you to organize the confrences and run the bussinesses and all that boring stuff, and we have me to look dead into the eyes of the person who runs LUSH's marketing and say I love your bath balls. And to say it so sincerely that they cannot help but send me amazing high quality A number 1 bath balls. By the way, it came in, it was a huge variety of bath balls too, and I was just having the best time.

H: *laughing*

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