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 (00:00) to (02:00)

Hank: Hello! And welcome to Dear Hank and John!

John: Or as I prefer to think of it, Dear John and Hank.

H: It's a comedy podcast for me and my brother John, we answer your questions, give you dubious advice, and bring you all the weeks news from both Mars and AFC Wimbleton. How you doing John?

J: Uh, I am doing... alright. I'm alright.

H: Yeah?

J: Uh, you know Hank, as you-- as you may be aware, I am a semi-professional player of the video game Fifa.

H: Mmhm

J: And the two star players, uh, on my team, AFC Wimbleton, uh, are named John Green and John Green, they're two people who are married to each other, they, uh, coparent a child named JJ. And, uh, I just, uh, I just received terrible, terrible news--

H: Uh oh.

J: That bald John Green broke his ankle--

H: Oh gosh!

J: Uh, and he's out for three months.

H: Oh man. Oh...

J: And I, I just don't have a really deep squad--

H: *laughs*

J: Because, uh, you know, it's AFC Wimbleton.

H: Yeah.

J: Yeah, we don't have a ton of money, and we can't afford to lose a player like bald John Green, so I'm furious with the Oxford United player who made that horrible tackle, I'm furious with the referee for not making it a red card tackle, I'm just, I'm just annoyed.

H: Oof!

J: But other than that, I'm doing well. How are you?

H: Oh, well if it's in the game, John, it's in the game. I'm good. I have a sore throat and I'm worried that it's gonna get worse. I--I feel like I'm at the stage where it's like, "Oh! I'm getting sick aren't I. Uh, what should I do to prevent this from happening? Take all of the pills that don't do anything, quick!" And so I do that, and then I get sick anyway because the pills don't actually do anything, but they sure are marketed to make us think that they do, uh, and also we will do anything to prevent the sickness. So I'm having that moment, and I just, I just, uh, took three very large pills that smelled like the inside of a pipe, and now, uh, I've got my fingers crossed.

J: Alright. Sounds good.

H: *laughs*

J: You want a short poem for the day?

H: Tell me a short poem.

 (02:00) to (04:00)

J: This poem's from Richard Brautigan. Several people have asked me why I've never read a Richard Brautigan poem--he did write a lot of short poems. This one is called, uh, Love Poem.

"It's so nice
to wake up in the morning
all alone
and not have to tell somebody
you love them
when you don't love them
any more."

H: *laughs*

J: Love Poem, by Richard Brautigan, that's my kind of love poem, Hank.

H: Ah, goodness.

J: Yeah, Hank, you know, I just got back from an amazing vacation with Sarah. We were in Jamaica for five days. We had an awesome time. We love going to Jamaica. Uh, and I am so incredibly lucky to like my spouse. It's such, it's the--

H: Yeah...

J: Biggest thing in a human life, I think. For me, at least.

H: Yeah, Katherine and I, uh, you'll have, if you watch Vlogbrothers, you'll have seen this video already, but I, just last night, we recorded a video where, uh, we taste test, uh, Valentines Day candy together.

J: Uh huh.

H: And I, uh, was just watching that video, you know, as I was editing it, and I was like, "Boy! Do I like her!" *laughs*

J: Yeah, that's something that, uh, Richard Brautigan never really had in his life. I think he was married four times.

H: Mm

J: And never particularly successfully. And--And he died in his forties. So, yeah... we got, uh, we--we've gotten very lucky Hank. Let's answer some questions from our listeners.

H: Oh, first I want to start out with, I guess this is a question but it is in regards to the last pod in which Andrea asks, specifically to John, "In this week's pod--" last week's pod-- "You informed Dahlia that you are really, really not a liberal, but then you and Hank both go on to state so many liberal positions that you agree with, so in what sense are you a conservative? Is it like taxes? Or what? Please explain," and then Andrea has put a pumpkin with, uh, the linux penguin carved into it as her sign off.

J: Wow...

H: Yes.

J: That's a very, that's a solid sign off. 

H: --Solid sign off.

 (04:00) to (06:00)

J: So Hank is a proper liberal. Right? Wouldn't you say that, Hank?

H: Well, uh, I mean I'm further left of you. Probably. But--but if

J: Yeah, I'd say you're essentially a communist.

H: *laughs*

J: Whereas I believe in markets. I believe that the reason refrigerators are inexpensive today, and why so many of us are able to enjoy them is because, uh, markets and competition. And I really do think that in many ways markets enrich our lives, I think that they are a part of why poverty has gone down a lot in the last hundred years, and so I do believe that markets can solve a lot of problems. I--I also think that there are places that markets clearly fail, especially healthcare. Markets are terrible at dealing with healthcare. They are terrible at dealing with crime. They are terrible at dealing with national defense. There're a bunch of things that markets aren't good at, but, uh, I do believe in them, uh, probably more than, uh, more than you do.

H: Uh...yeah, I--I have actually come around more to, especially since, you know, running several businesses of my own, there are times that I'm like, "Boy! These government regulations sure do keep small businesses down!" Uh, and I, like--

J: Uh, yeah.

H: I, like, there are times that are--that are like that, um, but there--there's also like what I find extrordinarily frustrating more than anything about running a small business is knowing that I pay much higher corporate taxes than Apple and Google do. And I, just take that. I find it extrordinarily frustrating, like why do we subsidize these massive companies while my company pays 40% corporate tax? And, uh

J: Yeah, I mean, the other thing about that is, corporate taxes in the US, I agree, are too high, which is not a--

H: Liberal point

J: Commonly held liberal position--

H: *laughs* Yeah

J: Although actually, President Obama felt that corporate taxes in the US were too high. Uh, I--I think that the great thing about small businesses is they create more jobs per dollar of revenue than large businesses do so, Hank and I, uh, privately have always said that we want to ensure that

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