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What are the top ten kinds of spoons? Why do boys kiss like dying fish? What would happen if we lost gravity for fifteen seconds? And more!

NerdCon: Nerdfighteria:
Email your questions:

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H: Hello and welcome to Dear Hank and John!

J: Is that the Count from Sesame Street? I prefer to think of our podcast as Dear John and Hank, by the way.

H: It's a podcast full of comedy uh... talking about death in which we answer your questions, give you dubious advice, and give you all the week's news from both Mars and AFC Wimbledon. Hey John, you're my brother, how ya doin?

J: I'm doing well. Uh, Missy Elliott has released a new single, Beyonce is pregnant with twins, the world is full of hope. I don't know what you're talking about that things are dark. Everything is great- Beyonce's having two kids at once; [Hank laughs] that's wonderful.

H: I didn't know that; that's really exciting. Um, I-

J: I love being able to break news to you! Just wait til we get to the news from AFC Wimbledon, Hank, unless you're a hardcore follower of AFC Wimbledon you probably haven't heard it!

H: I very likely have not heard it. In fact, I haven't even heard the news from Mars today, I'm gonna have to try and pull some out really last-minute here; I apologize for not being great at podcasting.

J: That's all right, we've come to expect it. No I'm just kidding, you're way better than I am.

H: Uh, I am, I am good. You know the other day John, I uh, a car broke down on the side of the road and I was helping them push it out of the road, and the person was like "Uh, I'll be honest with you, I just ran out of gas." and they were driving a Volvo 240, and I was like "you know, I've run out of gas in that very car."

J: I remember when you ran out of gas in that very car, uh, because I remember mom coming home after, like, picking you up, and she was in tears because of how goth-y you looked.

H: Ahh... was- I mean, was that it? Was that why- I would love to talk to her about that now, cause she was so mad, and I think maybe... maybe it's because I ran out of gas and was being irresponsible?

J: That's possible. 

H: But maybe it was cause I had a bunch of makeup on? I don't know.

J: I don't know. Would you like a poem for today, Hank?

 (02:00) to (04:00)

J: This is actually a recommendation from Julian, longtime nerdfighter, a nerdfighter for ten years now actually, who recommended this poem by Aisha Syed. Uh, it's called Broken English, and it's by the daughter of a refugee.

"When my mother struggles to spell a word in English
I want to break the entire language
into little pieces
so the edges of these letters
will stop cutting her"

H: Pretty good. That's a nice short poem.

J: Pretty good.

H: That is a short poem for the moments we are living in. Um... life is hard, and also has good things. Let's try and have a little bit peppier Dear Hank and John today than last time.

J: I mean, right now we're pretty low energy. [Hank laughs] To quote the current president of the United States: Low energy exclamation point.

H: Oh. Uh [laughs] Okay I found my Mars news; it's excellent, excellent news. Hooray. Um... let's, uh, let's-

J: Thanks for preparing.

H: [laughs] Let's do some questions, John. Uh, I've got a really pressing one that I really wanna hit, uh, it's from Jay, and I want to make sure we get to it so I'm gonna start with it. Jay asks: "Dear Hank and John, I'm very overwhelmed by the variety of spoons for sale. Would you please rank the top ten types of spoons every aspiring gentleman should own? -Jay."

J: Sure, yeah, of course, uh... actually I don't have ten types of spoons, I only have six types of spoons. How many types of spoons do you have, Hank?

H: Oh did you, did you count? Did you go count?

J: I, well, I mean Hank, unlike some people, I prepare for this podcast.

H: I mean, it depends on your definition of a type of spoon. I definitely have more than ten spoons, and like, they all are different from one another in varying ways. Some of them just have, like, different manufacturing defects and scratches from years of use, but are otherwise very similar, and some are made of entirely different things, and very much different sizes. So it's, it's hard- 

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