Hank: Hello and welcome to Dear Hank and John. This is the weekly podcast where I, Hank Green, and usually John Green but this week Emma Blackery answer your questions, give you dubious advice, and bring you all the week's news from both Mars and AFC Wimbledon. But first, Emma!

Emma: Yes.

H: You have a poem for us?

E: I do! I decided I would fill in for John and give a nice romantic sort of poem and I'm going to dedicate it to John. I think he'll enjoy this one. OK, are you ready?

H: Yes.

E: OK.

"Daniel my brother you are older than me
Do you still feel the pain of the scars that won't heal?
Your eyes have died but you see more than I
Daniel you're a star in the face of the sky"

H: Thank you Emma. (Emma laughs) I'm glad this is becoming a tradition. As long as John is gone, all of the poems will be Bernie Taupin lyrics, the man who wrote almost all of Elton John's songs. Thanks to Maureen Johnson for starting off that tradition and thank you, Emma, for continuing it.

E: You're welcome. It's a legacy now.

H: So for everyone who doesn't know, Emma Blackery is a YouTuber and a musician and you're something of an advice giver yourself so I'm excited to welcome you on the show. Tell us about yourself.

E: Um, OK. Jeez. Um, I always hate that question. "So tell us all about yourself". How could you? Basically, I started making YouTube videos in 2012. I originally started because I wanted to be a musician and post my own awful self-made music videos which were just me standing in front of a tripod singing which is why I call my channel Emma Blackery. And then I started reading Fifty Shades of Grey online when it was released thinking "Hey! Everyone's reading Twilight, I'm gonna read Fifty Shades of Grey". And after they nearly sued me for doing that, for reading all of it, copyright infringement and slagging off the book, I decided to start doing more, like, comedy vlogs and stuff and that's kind of taken over my channel now. So it's kind of like my channel is a mixture of music/comedy/not reading copyrighted books.

H: Well the funny thing about reading copyrighted books is it's only OK if you're slagging off on it, to use your phrase that I do not actually know the meaning of.

E: Oh yeah. Sorry, that's a, that's a, that's a UK thing. We have lots and lots of slang. But slagging off basically just means you're talking bad about it. Trash talking I believe you would say which sounds so weird in a British accent, you know. Trash talking. "Are you trash talking me?"

H: Well it's like me saying, it's like me saying slagging off.

E: That sounds really stupid.

H: Yeah. So... But yeah. I mean if you're actually critiquing the thing that you are reading then it's OK to read the copyrighted material as long as you don't read all of it in sequence.

E: That's the problem.

H: Which I think is what you did.

E: That's what I did. Word for word. Every single word.

H: Yeah. You shouldn't have done that.

E: I think, I think I probably could have applied the fair use thing if I'd just taken some things out of context and read a few lines.

H: Yes. Yes, that would have been fine. Yes. That is...

E: But I made 40 minute long videos (Hank laughs) just reading a chapter.

H: Just an audiobook-

E: Pretty much, yeah.

H: -of Fifty Shades of Grey but with occasional commentary about how bad it is. I'd pay for that!

E: But the worst part is, the worst part about it is a couple of weeks before mine got taken down and they were like "Hey, we might sue you for this" which they didn't, which was great, another person who was reading books online made a video saying "Oh, I had this book publishing company take my videos down. Don't read books online" and I was like "Oh, that's scary. I'd better stop. Nah, do you know what? It won't happen to me." And then two weeks later it just happened to me. So...

H: Yeah.

E: Word of advice if you want to start a YouTube channel: Don't, just don't read copyrighted content word for word.

H: But was that a, was that a contributor to your success would you say?

E: Yes it was, it was. That's how my channel kind of started getting big so thank you E. L. James. Thank you very much.

H: So Yeah. Well in that case then the thing that you should say is "Do do illegal things that might get you sued but stop once you get big."

E: Yes.

H: Which is really, like, that's the whole story of how YouTube got big. YouTube used to just be like Family Guy clips and Daily Show things stolen.

E: Oh, I remember those days. Yeah, when it was all just TV shows before copyright was even a thing, like... Well copyright was always a thing but I mean, like, content ID and stuff where things just get taken down now and audio gets taken out, you know. I remember those days. Oh! That's like 10 years ago now wasn't it? That's ten years, ten year anniversary this year. Oh.

H: Yeah. Yeah. And I feel like if YouTube hadn't have had those days of just, like, being a really great repository of stolen TV stuff it would never have gotten as popular as it did.

E: Yeah, I think you're probably right on that 'cause a lot of people just wanted to access quick, you know, quick clips and, uh, yeah. 'Cause I mean, the first video was a guy at the zoo, the creator of YouTube, wasn't it?

H: Yeah, yeah. One of the creators, yeah.

E: So if it was just, yeah. If it was just that or people talking on webcams in black and white for ten years I guess it wouldn't have taken off, no. I suppose you're right. That's weird. Basically, break the law kids. It's gonna be fine.

H: As long, yeah. As long as you're small enough to get away with it and then as soon as you're, as soon as you're starting to get on people's radar, run away and hide and then pretend like that never happened. And that's really, you know, the story of many YouTubers, not necessarily with copyrighted content but with doing things that are slightly maybe, you know, uh, little, little...

E: Dubious.

H: Hacks and tweaks and dubious is a good word for it.

E: Thanks. I like using that word. It's my word of the week. I have a word of the week that I never share with anybody. I just, I have an inner monologue sort of podcast going on in my head all the time. (Hank laughs) Dubious is my word of the week. It's not even a joke.

H: No, I believe you. Yeah.

E: It's just believable isn't it. Oh jeez.

H: You're gonna have a lot of opportunities to use the word dubious, I think, today just because you're gonna have a lot of opportunities to use a lot of words 'cause this is Dear Hank and John.

E: Indeed it is, or Emma and Hank this week, right?

H: Indeed. Yeah, well, I mean, as long as, if that's the way you want to say it.

E: Just wait until I can write a book and promote it round the world. And then I won't be available, then it will just be "Dear Hank & Hank"

H: Oh no!

E: And then you're in trouble.

H: Oh God!

E: I'd love to see that.

H: I would too. It'd be awful nice if I could borrow Wheezy Waiter's cloning machine and do an episode of Dear Hank & Hank because, you know, sometimes it's hard to get people on the phone, everybody's busy, but I'm not when I'm not busy.

E: That's true! But I mean I would say that there's a lot of people that say, "Oh you know, one Emma Blackery's enough" or "One John Green's enough", but I genuinely think the world could do with more Hank Greens, honestly.

H: Oh, thank you.

E: That sounds like I'm just, you know, complimenting you and just trying to make you blush, but genuinely, I think if it was a world full of Hanks, if you were to replace every other living being on this planet, I think it would probably be quite a fun place. I'd get sick of your voice, but...

H: I think it'd be super boring.

E: It'd just be, you know, things about Mars all the time, wouldn't it?

H: It'd be a lot of things about Mars. I think probably, yeah. I think that, yeah. Well the problem is that all the Hanks would want to send humanity to Mars, but none of them would want to go.

E: Yeah, I can imagine that would inhibit the process quite a bit. 

H: There'd just be a lot of vomiting on the way.

E: You sure you wouldn't go? You sure?

H: Oh, definitely not.

E: Like this whole one way ticket thing that they're doing right now?

H: No, especially not with a one way ticket. I'm not much on the risking of my own life in any circumstance, and a Mars mission would be very dangerous, one. Two, I get motion sick very easily, and so weightlessness is sort of not an option for me, and three, I just like... I live in Montana, like, if I wanted a really exciting, high-stakes life, I'd move to a big city, but I don't, I like laid back, I like normal things, normal friends, and normal life, and doing the normal human American things.

E: Can I just say, if you want a life where you're just climbing big red rocks in a really dry desert, just go to Utah. Just go to Utah.

H: Oh yeah, we've got some pretty Mars like places in America.

E: Yeah, that was tough. I went to a place called Bryce Canyon which I didn't even know existed.

H: Oh, it's beautiful.

E: And, yeah. It was absolutely gorgeous. Like I genuinely preferred it to the Grand Canyon which a lot of people were really shocked by. But we had a horseback ride down the canyon and it was the scariest thing because the twists and turns were so sharp. And these horses didn't know what they were doing. Mine was a mule so, and it wasn't doing a very good job of being a horse, you know.

H: No.

E: But it was scary but it was so beautiful there, you know. So if you're into the whole red rock kind of thing but you're kind of afraid of space travel and death by alien, just go to Bryce Canyon, just go to Utah. There's a little tiny town called Moab which was absolutely beautiful.

H: Oh my go... Moab is not a tiny town.

E: It's, well, no it's not but, I mean, what we saw of it was tiny, OK.

H: Yeah, OK.

E: I could walk, I walked to the end of it and back.

H: Yeah, OK.

E: It wasn't like, it's not, like, the tiniest town but it's walkable.

H: Yeah, I live in Montana where a tiny town has, like, eight people.

E: Oh, OK. Well we don't really have those kind of towns. We call them, well we say they're villages I guess but we don't really have, like, really small towns anymore. Not that I know of.

H: Yeah, there's just not enough space for that in your country.

E: Well that's the thing. Actually, before we go on, you'd be very surprised because, you've flown to England before and you've probably looked down and the amount of green that we do have in our country, like...

H: Yeah.

E: Apparently only ten percent of our, like, land is inhabited. Seriously, it's all green.

H: Well that's a hugely high percentage on the global scale, like...

E: Well exactly. I don't know if that's actually the specific figure but I know that it's a very small amount. And, like, our politicians will have you believe "Oh, there's no room for anymore people. We shouldn't have any more immigrants come in 'cause we haven't got the room." But it's more a case of...

H: The room?

E: Yeah. They genuinely say that. But the truth is...

H: "Where're you gonna put them?"

E: Exactly. But the truth is, I guess, we don't have the money to build houses, I guess that's what they're trying to say.

H: Right.

E: But they sort of build this sort of, they build this vision of, like, the island being so heavy that it sinks, you know.

H: Can't add anymore people.

E: Exactly. "One more person and we're going down, boys. We can't have it anymore, you know." But no, but a lot of it is just, it's just green, you know.

H: Yeah. Yeah, you got a, you got a beautiful country. It's just, it's just, you know...

E: It's rainy.

H: It's much smaller and with far more people than, per unit of space than America.

E: Yeah. Like it's a lot more compressed, you know.

H: Yeah.

E: It's like drinking squash rather than just juice. It's tough. You don't know what squash is do you?

H: I do not.

E: Oh, cordial? Have you heard of cordial?

H: Nope. That's unfamiliar as well.

E: Um. It's like really really concentrated juice that you water down.

H: Oh. We call that concentrate.

E: Oh, we don't call it concentrate but there you go.

H: You got a whole new word for it.

E: This whole podcast is just me translat... Well you translating what I'm saying.

H: Well you translating what you're saying.

E: To you.

H: Yeah. To me.

E: By saying "What does this mean?" "I don't know. You're supposed to be telling me!" You know.

H: Well thank you for educating me. Do you want to hear some questions?

E: Yeah, that's kind of why I'm here. Just talking about my own country, jeez. Yes, send me some questions.

H: Alright. Our first question is from Alpha who asks "Dear Hank and Emma, this is mostly for Emma. Last year I started a channel for music but I have been inactive for about a year now. Now I'm willing to come back but I can't find the motivation. Emma inspired me a lot these past few days." She's been watching your videos. "And I want to know what keeps her inspired in making music videos and writing music. I need your sage advice."

E: Uh, OK.

H: What keeps you inspired?

E: First I was quite confused 'cause she said in the last few days, I was like "I haven't done anything in the last few days. I sort of sat in bed feeling really tired." That's not inspiring at all.

H: I cut a bit out of the question where she talked about how she's been binge-watching your videos for a while.

E: OK, good, good. I was going to say, like, are you spying on me just eating crisps in my underwear? Oh sorry, chips, potato chips. Oh, too many, oh. OK. Um, in terms of keeping inspired, I mean, in terms of videos I get inspiration from anywhere. Like just today I was in a store and I bought a shirt and the lady said "Oh, that's a nice shirt." And instantly I thought "I'm gonna make a video about this, when store assistants judge the clothes you're buying." You know, like, I get inspiration for that sort of thing just from everyday stuff. That annoys me! Don't do that!

H: Why not?

E: Don't, like, tell me whether you like the clothes I'm buying or not because that means there are some clothes in the store that you don't like. And what if I've picked that up and you're too rude to say? What if you don't actually like this shirt? What if you're saying that because the last thing that you beeped through from my stuff was really horrible, you know?

H: You know what I like though? I really like when I'm, like, at an ice cream shop or some food place where you sort of create your own item. And I'm like "I'm gonna get a root beer float but instead of vanilla I'm gonna use cardamom ice cream" and then the person behind the counter is like "Ooh, that sounds so good." It makes me feel like, "This person is, like, they work in an ice cream shop, they're a connoisseur, they've heard everything." But I like the idea that I could impress them with my superior ice cream ordering skills.

E: That's true. In the UK, I don't know if you guys have this but we have it where you go into a restaurant and you say, like, "What would you recommend?"

H: Yes.

E: You know, and you ask the waitress, like, "What would you recommend?" or server, whatever you guys say. But, like I find that really weird because you're saying to someone else with completely different taste buds, completely different genetics, like, "What food pleases your palate?" It's like, well I mean, everyone is different.

H: Well, but this is a person who is, has more expertise than you do. They work at the restaurant, they've seen the things prepared, they've theoretically tried a lot of the different dishes.

E: Oh yeah, I totally get that but I just find that really really weird because, well, if it's someone... 'Cause I've had it before where they say "Oh, well I really like this and it's topped with almonds and nuts" and I'm just like "Well I hate nuts so that's out of the question".

H: Well yes. I also, often times it will be like "The mussels are particularly great here." And I'm like "That sounds disgusting."

E: Exactly. I will use my muscles and throw them away for you.

H: Do not talk to me about that.

E: Mussels are horrible. Anyway, in terms of being inspired, uh, yeah. Making videos, I think actually kind of sadly it's more a case of it's all I've got right now. Like I quit my job to start doing this. Like I was a waitress and I started earning more money from YouTube than I did from waitressing and I was like "Hey, you know what? I'm gonna try real hard to make a living out of this" and I was able to. But if I stop making videos then I guess I go back to waitressing, you know, where I get up at six o'clock in the morning again. So it's a case of I have to do it which sounds like a really bad sort of inspiration, it kind of makes you sound like you're gonna hate it, like it's a job now. And I think that's very, very good in keeping me inspired. It's like "Well if I don't do it, I'm poor." In terms of music, I'm a really bad role model in terms of inspiring people to make music because I haven't written anything in about a year. So, I don't... This is the thing, because a lot of people, I was saying this today actually to someone else, some people write music everyday. Like there are musicians who just pick up a guitar and write a new song every single day, they force themselves to get inspired. I can't do that, like I genuinely, when I go, my writing process is "OK, I've got an EP that I need to write in, oh, about two weeks, I'm gonna be recording in two weeks. I better write some songs." And I'll just, I'll just work on four or five songs, you know. And luckily they've all turned out pretty alright I think but, you know, I don't really, I don't force myself to write. I think that's one of the worst...

H: It sounds like you do force yourself to write. It sounds like you...

E: Oh, well yeah. But not like, not like everyday.

H: You have to record an EP, right, right. But having those, like having that thing that you have to get done, for me that's a lot of what it is too. It's like, you know, from the beginning of Vlogbrothers we've had a schedule that we have to abide by or else.

E: Exactly.

H: And knowing that, knowing that I have to have a video done every Friday means that I'm thinking, you know, certainly today and also all of the previous days of the week, like, what the heck is that video going to be about. Is it going to be a response to John? Is it going to be something about how to make sure that you don't use... Like, I've been seeing a lot of people, like, friends, emailing me and they use the wrong word and I'm just like "That's fine, I know what word you mean, I'm not going to, like, correct you on it" but if I were, like, an employer I'd be like "That, you can't, you gotta watch, you gotta not do that." 

E: Yeah.

H: You gotta, yeah. So maybe make a video about, like, here's some words that people commonly use wrong and this will prevent you from looking like an idiot, not that you are an idiot, but you don't want to look like one. So...

E: So you just get inspiration from, like, everyday things.

H: You get inspira... But it's not, like, the thing that's really inspiring isn't the everyday thing, it's the knowing that you have to make a thing and so you're constantly, your brain is on looking for things to make things with.

E: Exactly. Like if your creative switch is on, you can find inspiration from a lot of places. I think in a way, I want to say you're kind of lucky in that, obviously you and John started this channel simply, Vlogbrothers, to talk to each other. So it's a case of if you wanted to quit at any time you kind of could but you kept it up because you were dedicated to it, both of you. And then suddenly you amassed this massive community of people, the Nerdfighters, that suddenly were also depending on these videos so now it's not just your brother that wants a video every Friday, it's like, three million people want a video every Friday.

H: In the end, that's the most inspiring thing is, like, the knowing that I can't let these people down, but that's not helpful to somebody who doesn't already have an audience. But like that's really the thing that keeps me making videos and keeps me, like, caring a lot about whether or not they're good and like fretting when I know that they're not what they could be is that I have these people who I rely on and have given me great gifts and I can't let them down.

E: True. But like sometimes I look at all the things you're involved with and I just think "How is he doing this? Have you actually got Wheezy Waiter's cloning machine because..."

H: No. Instead of a cloning machine I hire people which, which is how I do all the things.

E: But it's still you! It's still you with Crash Course and SciShow and Vlogbrothers and I see you all over the place, now you've got a podcast. I can't keep up with you. There must be six of you. There has to be.

H: No. I sleep a normal amount, I work more than an average person but only because my work is so fun and, yeah. I just have lots of help and lots of... And I also have the, like, and also an inspiring thing about having this audience is that they are, like, because they're passionate and they want to help and, like, we share values, if I have a new idea, a new thing they're likely to come and check it out and at least see if they like it and if they don't they might go away but if they do they might become new loyal podcast listeners. And sometimes just the fact that you can do something, it feels like since you can you should and you kind of have an obligation to because especially if other people want to do that thing and, like, you have an easy path to it. And I sometimes feel like a jerk if I'm like "Well, I could but, like, I don't have time to fulfill this thing that is a dream of millions of people."

E: Like the problem with me though is that I often get really spontaneous. I'll go through phases where, like, "I'm gonna make this channel. This is a genius idea. I'm gonna make this and I'm gonna be dedicated to it" and a month later I'll just be like "Oh, I haven't uploaded on there for three weeks". You know, I'm really awful at just making really rash decisions, like I don't plan things out, I just do them which I am working on. It's all about self improvement, you know. You've got to be a better human every day, that's kind of one of my sayings, but yeah. I always, I always get really excited about a project and I'm like "Yeah, I'm gonna film..." And like when I, when I came up with my second channel which is like a lifestyle beauty kind of thing, I filmed, like, twenty videos in advance. I was like "See, now I'm ahead. Now I can keep doing this" and now I haven't uploaded on there in about three weeks. So... It is a case of, like, being inspired is hard, I think, you know. I think it's hard to keep yourself motivated but I would say at first... I don't know because I don't know if it's better to apply a pressure to yourself, as in, you know, you have to have this done like you and John do, or whether it's easier to not apply pressure to yourself and go "I'm gonna take it slow, I'm gonna do it at my own pace" which is kind of what I do. But I think it depends on what works for you really. I mean, I think we both work in very different ways but, you know, we both get our content up.

H: Yeah, that's true. I mean I think that the, for me forcing yourself to do something even if nobody's watching is great because I think no matter what you're creating you're improving yourself, you're, like, you're being empathetic, you're thinking about what other people would think about your content, you're creating stuff that you think is good, you're getting better at creating, you're getting better at thinking critically. Like all that stuff is part of the making process no matter what you're making, if you're making a business or a painting or a video blog, it's all about, like... These are very, it's a very complicated exercise and no matter whether you know, you're doing it just for yourself or you're doing it for an audience it's always a kind of self-improvement. So I try to think of it that way even when I'm making something that I know that somebody's never going to see, I'm like "Well, at least I'm doing this thing that's helping me understand myself better and helping me understand the world better."

E: Yeah, like I think no matter what it is, no matter who sees it, if it has a positive outcome whether it's for you or whether it's just for, like, you and a friend or, like, you know, if no-one's going to see it and it just makes you feel better then do it. If it's only got a positive thing, then there's no, there's no reason why you shouldn't do it.

H: And there's, I mean, it's almost like because there's now this very sort of terrifying internet thing where anybody's creation if it's clever, funny enough can get, you know, a million notes on Tumblr that it's almost not worth it to make something that's not going to get a million notes on Tumblr. But that's of course a fallacy.

E: I think it's, I think it's a trap that a lot of YouTubers fall into. Like a lot of YouTubers fall into.... I mean, I've fallen into this trap where you think "I'm gonna make this video because it's going to go viral." And it's the worst way of thinking. It is completely, completely poisonous. When you choose a topic, you think "Oh, that's going to get a lot of views" 'cause that's the worst thing you can do. 'Cause especially if you've started to build an audience through not doing that like Vlogbrothers, Wheezy Waiter, even me. Like I just started just talking to a camera about my own personal views so when you start making videos that you think "Oh, that's kind of a clickbait title, that's the sort of thing that BuzzFeed would do", you know, which is what I've kind of done recently, admittedly. You know, it's good for views but it's not good for the audience that you already have and they can feel like you're abandoning them so just stay true to yourself and at the end of the day I would say in terms of being, you know, being inspired to make music and videos, just make them for yourself, and I always say that. Make videos that you would enjoy watching and eventually the people that enjoy your stuff will find you, you know, if YouTube works.

H: Yeah, as long as all the parts don't break.

H: Do you wanna, do you wanna give us another question?

E: Sure, I'll read the next one. This one is from Ellen and she says "I'm in America with school for the first time, I'm from the UK, and I tried a corn dog for the first time yesterday and I understand now why you like them so much, Hank. I'm not really sure if John likes them too. I just wanted to ask if you could only ever eat one food again, what would it be?" My answer is definitely not corn dogs. I think they're the worst thing on the planet.

H: You've had a corn dog?

E: So that's a controvers... I have, yeah. I had one at Disney. It was literally a hot dog fried, just deep fried in batter.

H: Yes, correct.

E: It was the weirdest thing and it didn't work. I just thought it was awful.

H: I cannot understand how you feel the way you feel.

E: I understand how... What I mean is I understand how people can like them 'cause they've got that kind of satisfying crunch, the texture, but for me it was just, maybe it was the way it was cooked? Maybe it wasn't done right at Disney? But it was really greasy and I was just sitting there, it made me feel really full. Although, I had eaten an entire dill pickle before I ate that. (Hank laughs) Because as much as I like corn dogs, I can just eat a whole dill pickle. You guys do them in bags! We don't have that in the UK. You guys do, like, bagged pickles. (Hank laugh) It's the best thing. They take the mick out of, you know, they make fun of Canadians having bagged milk but you guys have bagged pickles and I think that's the best invention. So if I could only ever eat one food again it would probably be bagged pickles, dill pickles. I think they're great. So that's the...

H: Oh God, that sounds so awful to me.

E: That's my ans... You don't like pickles?

H: I don't like pickles.

E: Oh no.

H: They're so, there's way too much flavor in a pickle, all the vinegar, it's painful. It's just, it is clearly a chemical that is designed to kill things which is what pickling is and so I don't know why one would pour a bunch of, you know, dilute acetic acid solution into their stomachs.

E: I only found out, like, about a year ago that a pickle is just a cucumber. (Hank laughs) Like I only found that out about a year ago, it's just a cucumber in vinegar and it blew my mind. I thought pickles just grew. Yeah, I'm awful. Well, they give it a different name and everything. Don't rename it because you've shoved it in acid. (Hank laughs) That's not right. I might get that, I might get that framed.

H: Don't rename it 'cause you've shoved it in acid. It's strange that there's lot's of pickled things, like you can have pickled beets and you can have...

E: Pickled onions are great, yeah.

H: Pickled onions and pickled, like, relish is a kind of pickled, like, pickled things in relish but you can't have, you can't have pickled cucumbers, you just have pickles.

E: Exactly. It's stupid. And what if you had a pickle, so it's a pickled cucumber, and then you put it back in vinegar 'cause then it's just a pickled pickle and that doesn't make any sense. It doesn't make sense that they would call it a pickle.

H: Can you pickle a pickle? I bet...

E: A pickle is, the pickle is a verb. You can't do that, you know. Change it from a verb to a noun, that's not right. English language is mad. But I like them, I think they're great. I don't know how often you personally eat McDonald's but I have to ask are you the kind of guy that would take the pickle out of the Big Mac?

H: Yeah. Yeah, well my wife loves pickles so I take the pickle out of the Big Mac and I give them to her and she, like, gets double pickles.

E: OK, good. 'Cause like even though I don't eat Big Macs anymore 'cause I recently went vegetarian, which would explain why I don't like corn dogs, (Both laugh) I'm the person, well, I used to be the person that everyone would just, you know, they'd take out the pickle and just throw it at me. Although, we call them gherkins over here, so that's another thing.

H: That's a good name. See, that's better.

E: G-H-E-R-K-I-N. Gherkin.

H: And can you explain to me what a "haitch" is?

E: No. A haitch. You don't... Oh, you don't say haitch do you? You say aitch.

H: Correct.

E: Oh, do you know what really annoys me and a lot of British people? Why don't you say herb? (hurb) It's got a haitch, it has a haitch. It's a herb (hurb). It's not an herb (urb). What's an herb (urb). It doesn't begin with a U.

H: I just, I'm just really enjoying you saying herb (urb).

E: It's awful! I'm, I'm, I'm using you as the spokesperson for America right now. Why do you say herb (urb)? It's awful.

H: Why do you say, why do you say an herb (hurb)?

E: Yeah, that's true. Because...

H: That's just awful, like that makes no sense. The only reason that the N exists is so...

E: Do we say an herb (hurb)?

H: You do!

E: Is that a thing? Well I know that...

H: I've heard British people say that. I will have to check so that we can cut this part of the podcast if I'm wrong, but I'm pretty sure I'm right.

E: Well I mean in my accent, I'm from a place called Essex which is notorious for having sort of, you know, like Cockney rhyming slang and the sort of commoners like Oliver Twist: "Please sir, can I 'ave some more." I know it's like London but imagine those old time Londoners coming to another place. That's what Essex is and that's what my accent is, like Russel Brand, and it's that accent. And we would say 'ave you got any 'erbs? Like we do say 'erbs, but we say 'ave you got any 'erbs. Not like herbs (urbs), you know. We leave out aitches in my accent. And, uh...

H: You are not convincing me that that's different because of course you say it differently 'cause you have an accent. But you don't use the aitch in herb (hurb) either. So ha.

E: You have an accent. You have an accent.

H: Everyone has an accent.

E: Alright. Happy July 4th. You came from us. I don't know, we are not taught that history, you know that right? I never learnt anything to do with Independence Day in history.

H: Oh, I'm so sorry. I guess you guys still feel bad about it, you're like ashamed of losing the war.

E: Pretty much. July the 4th is pretty much the day where all Americans are really loud and the British just go really, really quiet. Really quiet. You just don't see us on Twitter that day.

H: You know, like, that's so separate. Like July 4th is so separate from the idea of independence from the UK. We never think of independence from Britain, we think of independence just like "We are independent! We are free!" And mostly we're thinking about, mostly just thinking about ourselves and in no way do we consider America's context, like the broader context of America in global society. In fact, July 4th is the day on which you want to do that the least because if you do that then it gets kind of complicated and you're like "Is America great? It's done a lot of good and bad things." But you don't want to feel that way, you wanna be like "Boom! That thing exploded! Give me a hot dog!"

E: Exactly, otherwise you get in a war of whatever the tea thing was about and then you've got the smallpox thing. Like I said, we're not taught any of it at all. It's just not...

H: Well that's fine. You got, well we're not taught anything about all of your wonderful kings and your Cromwells and your...

E: Oh really?

H: No, we don't know anything about that.

E: See, that's all we got taught. That and World War II.

H: Jut skip over World War I?

E: Well, it kind of comes up but not that often. It comes up when you're, like, thirteen/fourteen. It's like "A lot of people died. The end. Hitler!"

H: It was bad. Yeah, World War I, bad idea. Don't do that again. OK, or just do it again immediately, either way.

E: Yeah, just a couple years later with another guy who served in World War I so has the expertise. Smart move. You know.

H: Yep. Alright, we're good at chatting, we're good at chatting. I haven't answered the question. I would probably eat, I don't know, what would I eat? I...

E: Corn dogs?

H: No, probably not. No I think, I, like, I would have to, I would want something that would have enough nutritional content for me to not die of a vitamin deficiency.

E: I would recommend, if it was a single piece of food and you wanted to live forever I would probably recommend a tomato.

H: Ughf, I don't like them.

E: Oh!

H: I mean, I like them.

E: I will leave this podcast. Oh, man.

H: I mean, I like them, I just couldn't eat them like by myself, by themselves every day.

E: I eat them by themselves as a snack, all the time.

H: Alright, Sarah asks "Dear Hank and John, I'm in my first year of med school and I failed chemistry which means that I have to do it next year and it will delay my career. I have always been a good student so this is the worst thing that has ever happened to me and I feel like a complete failure. Do you have any tips on dealing with screwing up?"

E: Yeah, it's happened now, so, so that's...

H: Yeah. Life didn't end.

E: That's it. Like, you can't go back. And I hate when people say like, you know, "If you could do things different what would you do" and then they say "Oh, well I wouldn't do anything differently because it's meant to be this way", because even though I believe in fate, and I honestly do believe everything is meant to happen for a reason, which you may disagree with, being a scientific kind of guy, but I think when it comes to screwing up, you have to say to yourself "At the time, I did my best and it didn't go the way I planned, and now, instead of dwelling on the past, I have to find a way of working around it."

H: Mhm.

E: If it's put you behind a year, that year is going to give you a lot more experience in life; you might even just, you might have some life changing things happen in the next year, you know. And you might find that you're actually a lot more well equipped to do the next year. You know?

H: Yeah.

E: In the year that it's taken you to get back on track, but I think that when it comes to... If you wake, if you wake up every day and feel bad about every mistake you've made, you're just not, you're just gonna want to get out of bed. And I think that's a very bad way of living, if you just live in regret all the time.

H: Completely agree. I actually majored in Chemistry in the first, my first semester of Chemistry, I did very poorly. I don't re- I think I got a C, it wasn't bad enough that I had to retake the class, but it was bad enough that I was like, "I have, I did not expect to, yeah, I did not expect to ever do this poorly in a class!, like, I thought that I had always, would always do well, 'cause I had always done well in high school, 'cause high school's pretty easy and what I did for the next, the, you know, like what I did was I was like, "Well, I can't do the same thing I did again, I have to, I have to think about this differently", and so it was an opportunity to say like, "What, like, why didn't I learn this well? Why didn't- why wasn't I able to do this?" And like, like, I kind of completely reformed the way I studied and tried to learn things and like, I thought about it carefully, not about like, chemistry, but about how I learned.

E: Like I said, I mean, if you failed something, it may be a case of things just not sticking in your brain properly, or that you didn't understand a certain formula, you like, you never kind of got it, and the nerves got the better of you or something, but if you go back, not just relearning that subject that you didn't do well at but the way that you process things, I think you're completely right, I think that's one of the best things you can do, improve on yourself personally.

H: Yep. And one of the like, learning how to learn is really the trick of school.

E: Yeah, definitely, I wish I knew that ten years ago!

H: Yeah.

E: I wish I'd actually revised anything ten years ago, I didn't study at all, I never studied. I was the arrogant kid who never did any homework, never did any studying, and still got As, except for this one time, I was in what you guys would call middle school, I was 15, I think that's middle school?

H: Yep, sure.

E: I think? Maybe going into high school.

H: Yeah.

E: We just call it secondary school, but I got into, I started studying physics, it was a subject you could take in middle school, and in the first lesson, our teacher made us take a pop quiz, and I went in there thinking, "Yeah, I've done really well in science so far, I've got this, I like physics, physics is cool" and I got an E, which was the lowest you could get, 'cause he refused to fail. So I remember just getting it back like, the next lesson, and I just- I stayed behind after class and cried my eyes out, because it was such a slap in the face, not like, not in an offended way, but it was like, reality hit me hard, that I'm clearly not good at this, as I thought I w... I thought I would just waltz in there and do well and come out going, "Yeah, that was easy", but I sat behind with my teacher, I said, "You know, I'm really upset. What did I do wrong?" and he was like, "First off, you need to just, you need to calm down. Crying is not gonna give you an A", and that kinda, that advice just sort of brought me through the next year. I worked super hard, I actually did the homework for that class, I was lucky 'cause my teacher actually made it interesting, and I actually really, really enjoyed studying physics with him, although it's really, really easy physics, you know, we didn't even learn many formulas or anything, it was just Chernobyl, mostly, for the whole year. But at the end of it, when I took GCSEs, I don't know what you guys would call them, your end of middle school exams, I got an A in physics, so I went from having an E at the e... no, I got an A*, which is the, which is like A+. So I got like the highest mark you could get, because I applied myself and I had a teacher whose, who was really supportive, so I would also say like, if you feel as though you've let yourself down in terms of Chemistry, go back to your tutor and just have a chat with them and say "I feel really knocked back, my confidence is completely gone, you know, what can I do?" And see if they can give you extra classes, I don't know, obviously, how the American school system works, but if there's a way of like, staying behind and, you know, having revision sessions, you know, studying, then I'd be all for that as well. 

H: Yeah, absolutely.

E: I talk a lot, wow. 

H: You can really go.

E: Wow, jeez, yeah, sorry.

H: I feel like you- I feel like you've kinda remembered a great deal about your childhood there that maybe you hadn't thought about in a while.

E: Yeah, well, I mean, yeah, it was like, eight years ago, but um, yeah, like, he was a good teacher, but yeah. I feel that this is probably going to be the longest podcast ever, have fun editing this. 

H: Yeah, indeed.

H: Kat asks, "Dear Hank and..."

E: Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, it's my turn.

H: What, what, what?

E: It was my turn.

H: Okay, fine.

E: And you missed a question.

H: Oh, you're right, I did.

E: Which is really important. So you were reading the right question, but you skipped me.

H: Alright, right.

E: What's it like being a Vlogbrother, huh? Um, Andrew asks, "Dear Hank and Emma or Dear Emma and Hank, Eugene" something? Cernan, Kernan?

H: Cernan

E: You know who that is. I don't. If that dude "had left a bacon sandwich on the moon in 1971, number one, would the bacon sandwich still be safe enough to eat? And number two,given the chance, would either of you eat said bacon sandwich?" I don't know about the first one, but the second one's kind of easy. I'm a vegetarian, so no. Unless it was corn bacon in which case I think life's too short to not eat a moon sandwich. (Hank laughs) I would say, if an astronaut came up to me and said "Hey, we found this on the moon, do you want to eat it?" You'd be an idiot to say no. You know?

H: Alright, I will venture a guess on number one which is that it would still be safe to eat.

E: You reckon?

H: Yeah...

E: They do have oxygen in space, just, like, little bits.

H: Just a tiny, tiny bit.

E: It's been 44 years.

H: It's been a long time. The question isn't really has it degraded or oxidized which would not make it unsafe it would just make it less tasty, which it definitely would be less tasty.

E: That's true, actually, yeah. It's about the safety.

H: It wouldn't make it unsafe though because even if it had bacteria on it, it would probably be sterilized by the temperature fluctuations. It would be very hot and then very cold 'cause like the sides of the Moon, one faces the Sun.

E: Does the Moon get hot?

H: Yeah. Oh yeah. The surface of the Moon gets hot 'cause it's in the Sun.

E: I want to pop out to a space dune, I did not do any revision.

H: That's fine. And then, and it would be sort of, it would be bombarded by the rays of the Sun, which would also sterilize it, so it would be safe to eat, I'm pretty sure, and unless I'm missing some way that bacon could decay into something dangerous. 

E: Do you think light rays can sterilize bacon sandwiches? I don't know. I mean it's just light rays. It's some form of radiation.

H: There's a bunch of... Yeah, UV, well... 

E: So it would either sterilize it or completely destroy it.

H: Yeah, so what would happen is, like, the high energy UV radiation of the Sun would sterilize and break down the sandwich, like, if you... If, just like, sort of a bacon sandwich was sitting in space, the thing that would eventually degrade it would just be being bombarded by the radiation, like, solar radiation.

E: Aw, I thought you were gonna say if it just got hit by, like, tiny little asteroids.

H: That actually would be a thing, like, eventually, it would probably be hit by enough tiny little asteroids that it would break apart, that is a good point.

E: That would be so cool, imagine a sandwich floating in space, and this tiny little rock just hitting it, and like, bacon flying out in slow motion.

H: Yeah. That is a beautiful, beautiful image.

E: I have never understood how space worked. Ever. Like, would a sandwich even move? Would it break apart? How do things even move in space? There's no, there's nothing up there. How, I mean, it's also completely dark, how would you see if anything's happened? You know?

H: Well, it's not...

E: If a tree fell in a forest, would the bacon sandwich move? Who knows? I should be on SciShow, I'd be great. So I wouldn't be giving answers, I'd just be doing hypothetical questions and bug myself out like this.

H: We, if you want to just send us SciShow questions for us to answer and like, have an Emma Blackery segment of, like, "How do things even move in space? I don't understand how space works!" Then I would be happy to answer those questions for you.

E: I genuinely did consider being a President of Space so that I could get a question. I don't know what the question was, but now that this is official, there is definitely gonna be an Emma Blackery segment on every SciShow from now on. It's confirmed by Hank Green himself.

H: Alright. It's done. And given the chance, would I eat the bacon sandwich? I would first want to do science on the bacon sandwich. I don't know what kind of science I would want to do.

E: Oh Hank! There's no time for science! It's a bacon sandwich, I mean. 

H: Given the...

E: If you're gonna bring it back to Earth, it's started to degrade, you know? That bacon has started to warm up since it got back in the rocket ship. Rocket ship, spaceship, I don't know? I just watch kids TV. You know, it's gonna start degrading. It's gonna start getting gross. You have to eat it pretty quick. I did food hygiene courses when I was a waitress, and you've only got a few hours before that meat gets nasty, so you don't have time to probe it unless you're gonna, like, freeze it with that liquid nitrogen.

H: Maybe I'll eat half the bacon sandwich and leave the other half to do science on.

E: That would be fine, but don't put science as the priority, alright?

H: But I think if given the opportunity, you have to eat a space sandwich.

E: Thank you. It's a Moon sandwich, but thank you, I agree. Okay, you better ask the next question.

H: Alright. Kat asks, "Dear Hank and Emma, How are you feeling about Google+ these days?"

E: Uh, they... We went on a date and they didn't call me back, they, I think they swiped left or something, I dunno. Google+ don't hate me, which is good, so you have that going.

H: Really?

E: Yeah, they don't. They hated me for a while, apparently, I was actually told by a few people who knew people who worked at Google, that they really, really were mad at me, genuinely.

H: If people don't know what's going on, Emma wrote a song about how she did not feel enthusiastic about the transition of YouTube's sign-in system to integrate with Google+, which is a Google social media.

E: Yeah.

H: Indeed.

E: And so they were kind of mad for a few weeks after I wrote that song, and about a week after I released it I had to go into Google for a meeting, which, it was alright. I thought it would be really awkward, but they just didn't mention it, which I think they just continue to do, I think they just not mention it. But apparently, now, I have actually heard that a lot of people who work within Google+ said they completely agree with the song. Which is quite bad, I think, if you work for a social media site and they go, "Yeah, she was right, our site's awful." I'm not gonna name names, but yeah, a few people have said to me, yeah, they actually like it and they realize you were right. And now, no one's on Google+, and I'm not saying I brought down an entire social media website by myself, but you know, it did go viral. So, you're looking at the person that can bring down a social website with a ukulele.

H: Well, we're not looking at you, but we are listening to you here on Dear Hank and John, the podcast.

E: Sponsored by Google+.

H: That is brought to you by Google+. (Emma laughs)

E: Oh, don't say that, don't say that, I have to write another song about how great they are. I can go and find a ukulele somewhere.

H: You should do that! You should come back and you should write a song about how wonderful Google+ is and how wrong you were.

E: I had a friend overdub the whole song.

H: On April 1st.

E: Saying, "We love you, Google+".

H: Oh, yeah?

E: They just overdubbed it with "It's the best thing since sliced bread". And it was terrible. How are you feeling about Google+?

H: Oh, you know. 

E: The usual. We talk about it sometimes. You know. It's a casual relationship.

H: I don't think about Google+ ever.

E: I don't think it thinks about you, Hank.

H: I don't think it thinks. Let's hope it doesn't think, 'cause if it thought...

E: If Google+ goes sentient, I am running for my life.

H: Seriously. Yes, hide.

E: If it becomes like a Transformer, I am running away, you will not find me. I would be on the Moon. Oh, no, 'cause now he knows I'll be on the Moon. 

H: He's listening!

E: Can I ask you a question about Walmart.

H: Sure?

E: Is it true that they sell guns in Walmart? Like, inside...

H: Yes, that is true.

E: That's ridiculous. That's like my local supermarket. That's like Asda selling guns. What?

H: Yep.

E: That... Do you have like a gun section, is that a thing?

H: Yep. It's like a, it's like in the fishing rod section.

E: It's like a counter, right, you can't just take out the gun?

H: No, no, no. So like, you got the, you got like, where the fishing supplies and the camping supplies are, then there's also guns so that you can take and shoot a deer or something.

E: But I mean, like, they don't let you just pick up a gun and fire it, right?

H: No.

E: Like, you have shooting ranges in the US and everything. Like, you can just take a gun, take your neighborhood gun, you know?

H: Well, it's not like a shared gun, it's your own gun. You take your gun down to, you could take it to the shooting range and practice your gunmanship.

E: That's weird. So weird.

H: Yeah. I also think it's weird. It's not like I am a gun owner myself, I do not. No, I'm not. 

E: Are you? Good. I was gonna say you don't seem like the kind of guy to own a gun. I mean, kids get fucking shot. I mean. It's not, it's not worth it. It's not worth the First/Second/Whatever Amendment you guys have. It's the Second, right?

H: No. Well, I mean, for a lot of people, it is the Second Amendment, yes.

E: And the first one's freedom of speech, right?

H: Correct.

E: That's all I know.

H: Yeah, so we have the freedom of speaking with your mouth, and you also have the freedom of being able to, if the circumstance arise to speak with your guns. Yeah.

E: Oh, this next question's good. Do you want to read it out?

Hank: Uh, sure. Hallie asks, "Dear Hank and Emma, I'm a senior in high school and I'm very, very short. Luckily for me, I am a girl, and girls don't get teased as often about being short as guys do, and also, high heels exist. But I'm also not very good about feeling confident about my shortness and I was wondering if you have any advice."

E: My advice as someone who is 157 cm, which is not tall, it's 5' 2'', my advice would be you can't do anything about it. You're stuck. You're not gonna grow. So, you either hate yourself the rest of your life or you embrace it. For instance, I used to, I was never teased for being short. I had people, I always had people use it as an icebreaker. Whenever I meet people who watch my videos, they say, "You're so short in real life" as if I don't know, you know, and I've actually taken to it sometimes where I've been really sarcastic and just jumped back and gone, "Oh my God, really? Ah! Oh my God, everyone's so tall!" and just freaking out, you know, in a sarcastic way, just to make them feel really awkward about it, but now I'm just like, well, you know, people are just gonna try and use an icebreaker, but in terms of like, being teased, I was never, I was never teased about it, but I started seeing it in a positive light. For instance, if you're short, you are the last person to know when it's raining, and you are the last person that's gonna get really drenched in heavy rain. If you were to climb Mount Everest at exactly the same time as a tall person, you would live longer because the air would be thinner for the other people, although you would be the first to probably die in a room that was flooding if you couldn't get out, but I try to not think of that one. But you know, I mean, being short has its benefits, for sure, like I can walk under many low bridges that my friends have to duck under. I don't have to duck. I hardly ever have to duck, you know, which is great. If I fall over, it's not as far to the ground, so even though you'd think it would be proportional, it doesn't hurt as much. I'm sure of it.

H: No, no, that is definitely true. I would say, as a tall person, so I'm 6' 1'', which is above average, I never notice how, like, the height of other people unless they are taller than me. So because 90% of people are shorter than me, I, like, all people who are shorter than me are the same height in my perception. So just as like, to understand how people who are taller than you are seeing it, they're probably not seeing you as particularly short, just...

E: That's interesting.

H: Yeah, I really, and, well, I guess, like, when somebody gets to be like, 5' 0'', 4' 11'' kind of height, then I'm like, "You are a short person" and like, I see that, but like, I never feel like...

E: Well, I mean, I'm 5' 2'', that's even shorter than that. I am very small.

H: I just...

E: Oh, you mean like 4 foot 11, like...

H: Yes. Yes.

E: Like not even 5 foot, oh, okay, I thought you meant like, 5' 4'' and 11 bits of an inch or something. I was like, that's really specific. No, fair enough, like, you couldn't... That's the thing, you notice, like, the extremities, like, for instance, I wouldn't go up to you, I wouldn't think, like, wow, Hank Green is really tall, because you do see people who are 6' 1'' quite often.

H: Yes.

E: I'm not saying you're very very common, I'm just saying that, you know, you say, yes, it is an above, you know, it's above average height, but it's not., like, ridiculously tall.

H: Right.

E: Like, I know people who are 6' 7'', and they are very, very tall.

H: Yeah, then it's like, what just happened? Like, if you see Rhett of Rhett and Link, then you're like, "Oh my goodness." And then he's got the hair!

E: I've never met Rhett, so that's...

H: Yeah, you'll, you'll come up to, you'll come up to his waist, he's ridiculous.

E: What I find very annoying is that I once had a friend who, like I say, was like, 6' 6'', and we went on tour together and people just made us stand next to each other all the time, just because it's funny. I was genuinely nipple height. It was horrible. I really, really was nipple height, but another good thing about being short is that if you are a kind, generous person, if you are quite short, if you are 5' 2'', you are the absolute perfect height for an armrest. If someone tall or of an average height is standing next to you and they want to ponder, they wanna just think, you know, stroke their beard but have their arm resting on something, you are the best perch. Your shoulder is an incredible perch. I make people do it when they need to think. When they're stressed out, I say, "Perch. Perch over here." And just tap on my shoulder. And they do. And they feel better, so, you know, it's all about embracing the things that you don't like about yourself. I mean, if you're really, really, really insecure about things that you can change, then I am all for people changing them. I'm completely pro-plastic surgery if the reasons are good, if the reasons are just because it makes you feel more confident, but with your height, there's not much you can do apart from, like you said, wear high heels or that really drastic surgery, I don't know if you heard about it, where they...

H: Yeah, yeah, yeah, they break your legs, yeah.

E: Break your legs, and then they regrow the bone, and you gain about two inches, and I've read stories about people who have done that and they say they don't regret it even though you lose like a year of your life, but I would say honestly, quite frankly, you can't do anything about it. You're short.

H: Yeah.

E: You know?

H: Well, and the other thing about being short is that it's fine, like, I don't know that anybody has a lot of negative, like, there are sort of a general negative series of opinions about short people, especially short women.

E: Yeah, there's not like, there's not negative connotations, you know?

H: Yeah.

E: Short men, you kinda see them as like, Lord Farquaad from Shrek, a little bit, sometimes.

H: Yeah.

E: You think short evil man, like Plankton from SpongeBob, you know, you think, "Oh, he's a short evil person". With women, a lot of people just see it cute, you know, they see it as cute. Which I guess is actually very, very sexist, but...

H: Totally, oh, yes, definitely, but...

E: You know, not all short men are evil.

H: And this is a problem with society, not with the people who have, who are, you know, at the outskirts of a bell curve, and there's, yeah. So the good news is, it's not that bad of a thing to be in terms of society's weird hangups, not in terms of like, reality, which of course it's not in terms of reality, but and the other good news is that even if it were something that is like, society is weird and hung up about, the best thing that you can be is confident about it-

E: Yeah, embrace it.

Hank: -in your knowledge that society is weird about things that are even the very slightest bit different and that has nothing to do with you and everything to do with how weird our like, in general, cultures can be. You can't change culture immediately or on your own, but just, you know...

E: Yeah.

H: Being comfortable and like, I know so many strong, powerful, amazing, short women and it turns out that it has nothing to do with anything about them except for how high up they can reach.

E: Yeah, basically, the shorter you are, the better you are, is what Hank is trying to say. So if you're tall and listen to this, if you are over 5' 4'', Hank is not gonna like you. But I mean, you're completely right, like, you know, your height doesn't reflect anything about you apart from how you feel about your height, that's the only thing it reflects. People, I mean, I always say, as a final thought to Hallie, if that's how you pronounce it, it might be Hayley, it might be Hallie, I don't know, I'm English, I would say, how often, how many hours a day do you spend looking at people and going, "Wow. They're tall. Wow. They're short. Wow. They're average." Those people are probably spending the same amount of time as you. Not... none at all, you know. It's very easy to overthink it, especially if you're really insecure about it, like, I used to be really insecure about my teeth, and I used to think everyone was constantly staring at my teeth. The fact is, when someone's talking, they're looking at your mouth to lip-read, you know, but you do get very self-conscious, but it's about overcoming it and embracing it. I'm totally fine with being short now, I mean, you may, Hallie, you might be shorter than me, but it's a case of you have to find the positives in it, otherwise it's just gonna completely wear you down, or get your legs broken, so. Your choice.

H: Those are the options. 

E: Your choice.

We have one last question, I think. And it's from me, apparently. Apparently I asked it.

H: It is. 

E: It's a girl called Emma, I wrote this question. No, I didn't. I was gonna say, it would be really, really weird if I sent this question in a few weeks ago, thinking, "Oh, I love this podcast, I hope John answers my question", that would be bad, but um, I shall read this. So Emma asks, "Dear Hank and Emma, I know that as people we're always growing and changing. I'm someone who believes everything happens for a reason." I'm completely the same. "However, some of the things that we do are just absolutely cringy and horrible, so my question is, how do you not regret the bad or strange things you've done even knowing it made you who you are?" That's a good question.

H: You just, you already answered this question in this podcast.

E: I did! That's weird.

H: You do, you regret them, you regret the bad and strange things you've done, and part of that regret is what made you who you are.

E: Absolutely. Yeah.

H: Even the regret. And don't regret your regret, because then you just get caught up in the cycle.

E: Well, the thing is, like, when you hear that day in and day out, you still get really like, cringy about the things you've done. It doesn't really help when someone says, "Oh, well, it's made you who are you today," because that doesn't negate the fact that what you did was really embarrassing.

H: Right, yeah.

E: I think it's completely, I think it's a very, very, very positive thing to regret something, because it means that you've grown. It means you've changed. It means that you, going back in time, you wouldn't do that thing. Therefore, you are a better person. As I said earlier in the podcast, my main motto in life is to be a better person every day. Improve on yourself every single day, and looking back at things that you've done thinking, "Oh, why did I do that?", that means that you wouldn't make those mistakes again, and it's good, because if you said to yourself, "Oh, I don't regret anything I've done", then, in a way, you're almost being foolish, in a way that you're thinking, "Oh, well, it was meant to be that way." You know, and you're leaving the door open to thinking that you might do it again. You know, like with my music, I don't want to keep, you know, I'm not trying to promote my own music which you can buy on iTunes, this podcast is sponsored by my EPs, but I would, I look back at my old music and some of the songs, I'm like, "Oh, that song is so boring", or "Oh, that song is so simple", 'cause like, the first single that I released on YouTube, I loved the song at the time, I thought it was so catchy, but now, I listen to it, I was like, "Oh, this is so awful. The lyrics are so bad" but I don't see it as a bad thing, I see the song as bad, but I see it as good that I now look at it as an improved person, saying that, clearly, I have got better at writing if I find this bad, you know.

H: Yeah, I mean, regret serves a purpose in us, and it's a thing that is unpleasant, but it triggers the analysis of our previous actions that led to negative outcomes, and that analysis is good up to a point, you know, overanalyzing that, getting caught up into it, and never leaving it behind is, is, you know, a kind of disorder. But, you know, in general, regret and considering and like those cringy feelings of like, "Oh God, I did that thing", it's about giving you an opportunity to think about, you know, the actions you have taken that have led to negative outcomes and why they led to those negative outcomes. So don't get caught up too much in regretting things, but don't not regret them. The thing that you, that like, I really dislike in our culture is often this idea that like, you can't, you have to stay true to your something, and to me, you know, the self, like who I am, is a different person every day, like, we constantly evolve, we create ourselves and we're different from day to day, and that is not something to be ashamed of, that's something to be proud of, because that means, you know, like, ideally, you have more life experience, you have a better understanding of yourself and other people, and that's allowing you to grow as a person, which means that you're gonna look back at some of the things you've done and said and be like, "Oh, why was, why did I believe that?" or "Why did I make that stupid mistake?" or "Why did I give into that base emotion and do that mean thing?" and that's good, because it means that like, hopefully, in the next time you're faced with, you know, like giving into a base emotion and doing a mean thing, you'll be like, "Well, I don't wanna feel this bad, this regret that I've felt for years about that time that I did a thing like that, so I shouldn't do it this time". It's good. 

E: Yeah, like, if you order chili cheese fries and you didn't like them, it's okay to regret it, because then you're not gonna order them again, is what Hank is basically saying.

H: Yes.

E: I just put it in an analogy of chili cheese fries, which I don't like, and which I haven't ordered since.

H: Yeah, except the problem with your analogy is that chili cheese fries are amazing.

E: Ugh. You like everything I hate. I would just have the dill pickles, I'm fine. 

H: Ugh!

E: Ugh, how horrible.

H: Ugh!

E: But I mean, I would also say really, really quickly before we move on to the news of this week's podcast, I don't know if it's weekly or monthly or what by now, I would also just really quickly say that even though I say, you know, you should, you know, it's okay to regret things, don't live in that regret, like you said. I think it is important to be able to, you know, keep the past separate from who you are now. Like, let your past experience affect who you are today in a way that means that, you know, you won't do that bad thing again, but don't, just don't, don't dwell on them too much, you know? I mean, I know that's something... I said, I don't like it when people say that, but I completely agree with Emma that I personally do believe in fate, I believe in destiny, I do believe that everything is planned out, I believe it's all mapped out for you, and I understand that might not be something that a lot of people agree with, but that's the belief that I have and it keeps me going. I try not to preach about it, but if, it's a case of you have to be able to say that was then, and this is now. It's, it's gonna keep coming back to haunt you, but over time, like, you do get less cringy about things, you don't... In the instance of like, if you've done something embarrassing a week ago, that cringe-burn is still gonna be there, like, your cheeks are still gonna go deep red from doing something. And that's good, 'cause that means in the space of a week, you regret doing something, but over time, like, I don't regret things that I did years ago, 'cause I don't even remember doing them, you know, I don't remember any of the things I said to ex-boyfriends or anything. Like, a lot of cringiness and embarrassment is short term. I think that's very important to remember, you know, and just ride it out. Just ride it out, embrace it, and just say I'm not doing that again. Draw a line under it and just keep going. You know?

H: Yeah, absolutely. 

E: That went on. Sorry. I thought I knew what I was talking about, and then I just had like a ten second silence while I was trying to buffer, I was buffering my brain, that's what I call it. 

H: That's why we can edit podcasts.

E: I think it's time for the news.

H: It is. 

E: I think.

H: It is. Do you have any AFC Wimbledon News for us?

E: Oh, I do. Basically, AFC Wimbledon is a football club, and it's my favorite football club. It's one that I have personally followed for all of my life, I've definitely heard of it before John did something with them. Although, I would like to say, and I think this is very obvious to anyone who lives in the UK and listens to this, no one has heard of AFC Wimbledon apart from John Green. No one on this planet. I live in this country and I've never heard of them. In the UK, football pretty much, if everyone in the UK who likes football supports a club in the Premier League, which is like the big league, you know, I don't know what you guys would call it, but like, the big players. 

H: Yeah, the big league.

E: You know, like you've got the Miami Dolphins, I think, right, is that a thing? Chicago Bulls?

H: I don't, I honestly don't know.

E: I don't know. But that kind of thing, right? So like, everyone who supports, who likes football will support the club that is closest to them, even if it's not close to them at all. Like I'm from like I said, a place called Essex, and the closest geological club to us, you alright there, dear?

H: Yes, thanks.

E: Just the closest geological club to us is a club called West Ham, West Ham United, and that's nowhere near me. It's miles out, but it's the closest club that's in the Premier League, so most people in Essex will support West Ham, you know, very little people support small clubs, so I think it's great that John's doing that, genuinely, I really do. But no one's heard of them, so that's a thing. If you're in anything below like, League 1, which is I think they're, AFC Wimbledon's League 2 or something, like no one watches and no one cares. I feel so bad for saying that. I worry that John is the only person who turns up to matches, but I will tell you the news about them which I went down to AFC Wimbledon myself and I got this news direct from the source. I clicked the link that you emailed me, so basically from what I can gather from this week's exciting AFC Wimbledon news, which hopefully John will be able to clarify in the next podcast. From what I can gather, AFC Wimbledon put in a request for planning permission to build a new stadium quite a while ago, like, a few months ago, I think, like November last year, and they have been recently making a couple of changes to the original plans that they've submitted. So I guess they would have, you know, said, "This is the stadium we wanna build. Oh, wait, no, we're gonna do this to it." And I think, by the looks of it, there were, there were a few people around the local area who live near the stadium who were kind of like, "Well, we don't want you to do this" so I think they've made some revisions and it's causing some sort of controversy but I heard that John himself is gonna fly out and make some videos with the people who are upset about this development and mostly convince them that it's a good thing, that's what I heard. John, I'm sure you'll be able to do that. But basically a statement on AFC Wimbledon's official website revealed that the London borough of Merton will shortly be conducting a further consultation and adding this additional information to the council website.

H: I love this so much, it's so exactly as weird and esoteric as normal AFC Wimbledon news.

E: This is, this is, is this actually news? Is this a thing that John cares about?

H: As far as I can... I looked, I tried to find some AFC Wimbledon news, and this is all I could find that seemed like actual, as close to news as I could get.

E: Although I would say, very important point on this development of this stadium for a club that no one has heard of, the changes that have been made for the planning permission primarily relate to the basement, ground, and podium level of the residential blocks, which I assume means that people live in the stadium, which I would not recommend, because football players practice all hours of the day, and you don't want to be kicked in the head at 5 o'clock in the morning with a football. The north-south street and the east stand elevation of the stadium, so I can also imagine that they just want it to be really, really tall on one side, so it's more like a slope. I mean, they're gonna probably have problems with the football rolling down it, but hopefully, what they, I think what they're probably planning on doing is putting the away team's goal on the bottom of the slope. I can imagine that's a good move, 'cause then the ball is gonna build up momentum and just roll in.

H: Yep.

E: Which is clever, I genuinely hope that the Dons, which is their colloquial name, are given this permission, as a lifelong fan of the Dons, I can only hope that this is a start of something fantastic for the Dons.

H: In Mars news, for the first time, opal has been found in a Martian meteorite. The meteorite in question was blasted off the surface of Mars millions of years ago and finally fell in Egypt in 1911. The tiny slice of the meteorite provided to scientists for analysis was found to contain fire opal, a mineral that tends to form here on Earth around hot springs. Hot springs, of course, are perfect places for life to form and opal could, in fact, potentially trap microbes for future examination and inspection by us, which is pretty cool. That's the Mars news.

E: And that gemstone, Opal, was likely created by the interaction of water with silica. 

H: That's, that's... Yeah, good.

E: I Googled Mars really quickly. 

H: Good job, yeah, that's...

E: It's a planet near us which is kinda hot and dry. It's basically a planet of Utah.

H: It's not, it's colder.

E: But it looks hot. It's red. 

H: Yeah, that's not...

E: But it hasn't got any water on it.

H: Correct.

E: So how, but if it hasn't got any water, it must have gone somewhere, 'cause they said that there was once proof that there used to be water on Mars, right?

H: There's ice on Mars. There's ice underneath the surface of Mars and there's ice on the poles.

E: Water has existed. Which kind of, which kind of makes you think, "Okay, well, the water's evaporated, 'cause it's hot, so how come we still have..."

H: No, it froze, it's frozen, it's frozen on the planet. It's still there, it's frozen.

E: But Mars is sand. It looks like Utah.

H: Yeah, it's below the surface, because on the surface, do you want to know? Do you want to know the answer to the question? Okay.

E: I do, 'cause I want... This saves you doing a SciShow on it. (laughs)

H: The, so, Mars does not have a magnetic field the way that Earth does, so Earth has a molten core, or a molten mantle and a solid core.

E: Yeah, we have the hot middle.

H: And the core spins around, and it creates a magnetic field which deflects a lot of high energy solar particles, so that we are safer on the surface of Earth.

E: Oh, that's cool. So like, we have like, a barrier-

H: Yes.

E: -that's just like, "No, go away, evil particles" and I'm guessing Mars doesn't have that.

H: Yeah, we also have a higher, a much higher gravity. We're like, three times more gravity here on Earth than they have, "they", than Mars has. I don't know who "they" are. 

E: No one knows who "they" are.

H: Those two factors combined, the fact that Mars does not have a magnetic field because it does not have a liquid mantle.

E: What kind of mantle does it have?

H: It's solid. Just solid all the way through. Mars is, I think. Actually, we're not sure about this. We know that Mars doesn't have a magnetic filed, but we're not sure whether or not there are still some molten bits of Mars, because actually, the most recent eruptions of the volcanoes of Mars were not that long ago geologically.

E: No, no, no, no, no, no, see, no, this is where you're totally wrong. If it's a solid core, how do they have liquid magma? Huh? I could answer that. I should go work at NASA. There's gotta be liquid stuff in there if you've got a volcano with stuff spurting out of it. Obviously.

H: Well, the volcano hasn't been active in a few million years, but, uh, I'm not sure how long it was.

E: They've gotta have a liquid core. Why don't we drill into it? Okay, if we can like, if we can slingshot Philae onto a comet, why can't we drill into Mars?

H: Well, maybe someday we will be able to.

E: Why can't we now, Hank? Why haven't you done this, Hank?

H: I haven't finished explaining to you why there's no water on the surface of Mars.

E: Alright, fine, fine. Explain.

H: Um, so, that, those two things combined would... Because there is no magnetic field and because the gravity isn't as significant, solar wind can actually, like, blows the atmosphere regularly, like, knocks the atmosphere off the planet and into interstellar space, so there's a very thin atmosphere on Mars, it's very low-pressure, so any water on the surface of Mars would even if it were ice, in a lot of cases, would immediately sublimate, so go straight from a liquid form to the gas form, and then be in the atmosphere and then get knocked off by the solar wind, so all the first layers of Martian dust is dry, but we've found that below the first few layers where the atmosphere isn't interacting with it as much, there actually is quite a lot of ice.

E: But right now, it's like a sauna.

H: It's a very cold sauna with absolutely no water vapor-

E: Aw, thanks, that's great.

H: -because it's all been knocked into space.

E: Just, just take a water bottle and just enjoy yourself, get a tan. I think it sounds great. I might go. If you're too scared to go, Hank, 'cause you're too scared, I would go. I'll go to Mars. Whatever.

H: Alright, well, I hope that you do.

E: I don't know. I mean, download speed is probably kind of bad.

H: It'd be... internet would be a problem on Mars. You'd have to bring it with you.

E: Okay. That's a problem. I don't know how to set up servers. Another quick question about Mars. You say it has no magnetic field? 

H: Yes.

E: Could we resurrect life on Mars if we just made a spinning ring of magnets and spun it round real quick? The planet.

H: It would help, I don't think that life would...

E: If we just took lots of fridge magnets, stuck them together, wrapped it around Mars, like, slightly bigger than Mars, bigger circumference, 'cause then it can actually go round it like a Saturn ring, yeah, and we just spun it round somehow, like, if we just, like, flew a comet into it, 'cause we can control comets now, I just decided. Would that help? 'Cause I mean, then, it could knock all that radiation, and maybe in a few million years, grass could grow there and we could have nice sheep on Mars, it would be nice.

H: That is, I mean, one of the big concerns in the world of how do we travel to Mars is the radiation, because it is not a safe place for humans to exist on the surface of, so possibly, if we went to Mars, we would certainly have to have radiation-proof structures and even maybe build the areas where we would live underground to protect us from that, which doesn't sound like very much fun, living underground on Mars.

E: Sounds like District 13, yeah, that sounds like it sucks. Do you reckon it's more radioactive on Mars or Chernobyl when it first happened?

H: You know, I don't, I don't... Well, when it first happened, I mean, if you're talking about like, right in the basement of Chernobyl where like, the bad stuff was, that's definitely worse.

E: That's probably worse.

H: But, you know, around Chernobyl, I'm not sure if now, Mars is more radioactive than the surroundings of Chernobyl, I... The Chernobyl exclusion zone, as they call it, the area where you can't go because it's still radioactive.

E: Yeah, where that Geiger counter thing ticks a lot. See, I know a lot, I can physics. 

H: Tick, tick, tick, tick.

E: The thing is, you said, you know, they're sending people to Mars, right? On a mission.

H: No.

E: No, you said they were sending people to, there is a thing, they're sending people to Mars. Right, yeah?

H: Uh, I don't know. There's this, basically a private organization that says they want to but they don't have enough money to do it.

E: Yeah, but I've heard there are people who are applying to do it.

H: Yes.

E: But you just said that you'd pretty much fry to a crisp, so why would they do that?

H: Right.

E: That's stupid. 

H: Well, I mean, if you have...

E: Why are people stupid?

H: (coughs) Sorry. If you have radiation shielding, you can make it, I think the, part of the deal with that mission is that it's a one-way trip and they expect the first people to go to Mars to also be the first people to die on Mars, which is not how the government would do it, and also not how I would do it, and also not how I think we should do it.

E: They should put a dog on there first, like, like the Russians did with that Sputnik thing. Send a dog first.

H: Laika, yeah.

E: The dog, if... Oh, that one. I thought it was the Sputnik, I don't know. If they send a dog and the dog lives, then we go. Or possibly send a multitude of dogs first.

H: That sounds... Just, I, well. What I like is idea of just puppies, just Mars puppies.

E: And then a horse. Throw up, like, slowly. Oh, no, deep fried puppies.

H: I think people would...

E: Oh no, deep fried puppies. No. Crispy puppies. That's sad. That's the thing. 

H: We'll genetically engineer the puppies so that they'll live safely and happily on the surface of Mars, and then we'll go there in, you know, 30 years time, and it'll just be covered in small dogs, it'll be great.

E: Another real thing, you said Mars is cold? 

H: Correct. Mars is cold.

E: But radiation warms you up and crisps you, so...

H: Nah.

E: Yeah, radiation, like, have you not used a microwave? It warms things up.

H: It can. It's different.

E: And have you never held your phone to your ear for five minutes? It's hot. So, like, surely, they cancel each other out. It's like having a really long phone call. Like this one. Right? This whole podcast is me just asking you why Mars is and why Mars does. Who Mars are.

H: We should, we should do a new podcast. It's called Who Mars Are?

E: Yeah. I wanna do it.

H: With Hank and Emma.

E: I like it. 

H: And where you just ask me questions about Mars and I get increasingly exasperated.

E: Oh, oh, oh! I had a question, a genuine question that's not just really stupid. 

H: Okay.

E: Do you remember I said it to you on Twitter?

H: I don't.

E: I said, "If they exiled the club members of AFC Wimbledon to Mars, who would be more mad, you or John?"

H: I wouldn't be mad at all.

E: Really? Because the first people to colonize Mars would be a relevant sports team, not leading scientists, you know?

H: I mean, that's...

E: I mean, John would be pretty mad if all of the football players for AFC Wimbledon were exiled to Mars, they would have had to do something real bad, but I just don't know who would be more mad, you know?

H: I think John would really, really be very angry that AFC Wimbledon lost their team and I would just be sort of happy that anybody, like, any old person, as long as they're given the proper equipment, can do some good science.

E: I think you'd just sort of sit back, watching it. Oh, no, no, no, they're sent in their football kits.

H: Oh, it's just the football... I mean, I would be, I would be upset. 

Emma: Yeah, it just the shorts.

H: I actually, you're right, I might be more upset, and I think that a lot of people would be very, very upset at just sort of the unnecessary expense of such an exile.

E: Yeah, but I'm asking who would be more upset, you or John? See what I mean? Because you'd be upset for the sake of humanity, for the kick in the face of science, about it not being done properly, the, you know, the lack of, you know, the loss of life, and then, you know, not being able to, they're not scientists, so they can't report their findings, they're just... The first humans on Mars are just there for no reason, you'd be pretty mad. I think you'd be mad.

H: Yeah, I'd be pretty mad. I'd be pretty mad.

E: But John would lose his entire football team, so it's a tough question. I suppose John, I suppose John would be more mad, 'cause I mean, how mad can you really get?

H: Yeah, we'd have to have him here to answer that question. We'd have to compare our levels of anger. 

E: Yeah, I hope John addresses this.

H: I hope so as well.

E: Sweet!

H: I think that's important.

E: That's the news section plus all of my questions about Mars. I could have probably Googled it, really, but you were here and I watch SciShow and I like your voice, so I thought it would be easier just to ask you. I didn't have to...

H: Definitely. No.

E: I didn't have to pay for my own SciShow episode, I just got you right here.

H: Abso...

E: Sweet. 

H: Oh, thank you, Emma for guest hosting this episode of Dear Hank and John, and thank you all to the people who are listening. We hope that it was enjoyable. 

E: Yeah, it was good, and if you'd like to support SciShow, then you can go to patreon.com/scishow and I'm just used to the outro of everything you do, I'm sorry. I can't help it.

H: And if you wanna keep getting smarter with us--

E: There you go! That's the one!

Hank: --you can go to youtube.com/scishow and subscribe.

E: That's the one! I like that one! Oh, I heard it in real life! That's definitely clipped on the mic, but that was me genuinely freaking out that I heard you say that. I'm gonna ask you to do that at VidCon, are you at VidCon? Are you at VidCon?

H: Yeah, I'll be there.

E: I'm gonna ask you to do that, I'm gonna ask you to film it. That's so good. Sorry. 

H: Oh God.

E: Yeah, you might wanna just do the intro--the outro for this, 'cause I don't know the difference between an intro and outro apparently. Ahh, I'm so happy now.

H: Alright, our theme music is by Gunnarolla, the podcast is edited by Nicholas Jenkins who's a big Emma Blackery fan, I'll add. Can you say hi to Nick for us? 

E: Hey, Nick, how's it going? Sorry, I'm still happy. I'm so happy.

H: If you have any questions for us, you can send those questions to hankandjohn@gmail.com, and as we say in our hometown:

Together: Don't forget to be awesome.