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Last sync:2020-08-22 10:30
In which the band experiences some highs and lows...for example, we win the lottery. We also go to a children's theater and tour it with an exhibit creator dude. And then we play a show at The Rex in Pittsburgh for a bunch of frikkin great people.

 Intro (00:00)

Hank: Just woke up in the hotel in Cleveland. We're headed to Pennsylvania now. Um. There are a lot of different ways to--you know, you can experience tension on tour, like, you're stuck with the same people for you know, not very long in this case, but in some cases for weeks on end, and you're bound to, you know, run into issues and, you know, money's a big thing, like, how are we gonna spend money, are we gonna--are we gonna get nice hotel rooms or are we gonna crash at peoples' houses, 'cause, you know, for some people like, you know, you wanna squeeze every dollar you can, and for some people, sleeping on couches isn't a big deal.

I am a hotel guy, personally. Gotta make this experience not awful, so that you'll want to do it again. We don't really have that tension, which is nice. It can be personal drama, of course, there can be creative drama, you know, there can be like, diva stuff, we're all pretty mature, you know, we've been doing the music thing for a while, and we've also been doing the living thing for a while, so we're good communicators, that's very important, it's a lot like any other relationship, where you wanna make sure that you're open and honest about what's going on with stuff.

But the tension we do have, and it's not a big deal, but is between people who want to stay in the bed and be, and other people who are maybe a little older and people who want to go do awesome things while we can while we're in parts of the country that we don't get to go to very often and of course, tour can be a little bit of a vacation and it can be a little bit of an adventure and a journey, and that's awesome and I--I love that part of it.

But when it's like choosing between six hours of sleep and doing something awesome and eight hours of sleep and not doing anything particularly interesting that day, I'm always in the eight hours of sleep camp. That's just who I am. So right now, I'm in the hotel room and most of the rest of the band has gone off to some very fancy coffee shop and I'm just like, why--how'd you--in a million years, trade sleep for fancy coffee, I do not know, but um. Sleep is what I chose. So I'm waking up, have to take a shower, and we're gonna start on our next journey.

(Intro plays)

This is the Podcast Because Awesome, the daily tour diary of Hank Green and the Perfect Strangers, Rob Scallon, Andrew Huang, Harry and the Potters, and Driftless Pony Club. Today, we are headed from Cleveland to Pittsburgh, where I'm going to be playing a concert for all of these nice people. (Crowd cheers)

(Music plays)

 Playing the lottery (3:30)

Mike: Also I owe you 15 more cents, I think.

Joe: You do?

Mike: Yeah for the lottery ticket.

Joe: Oh, yeah, nice.

Hank: We're discussing what to do with our lottery winnings.

Joe: Why don't we play the lottery in another state?

Hank: You don't think Ohio deserves any more of our money? Do you not like Ohio schools?

Joe: Hank, I think you took a lot of money out of Ohio.

Hank: I did.

Joe: You did, yesterday.

Hank: I did. I'm taking it to Montana.

Paul: You took a lot of-- moving that Ohio money to Montana. Oh, I did get a Netflix account for a month!

Mike: For eight dollars? There's the Full House Reunion--

Hank: Twelve dollars, though?

Andrew: I think. Someone was telling me they changed it.

Hank: In Canada, maybe.

Paul: oh, there's the van. Hi!

Hank: It's on the wrong side of the road.

Mike: Hi van!

Katherine: Hi!

Hank: We need the lottery ticket.

Joe: I know. I had it ready.

Hank: Yeah you did, he had it ready. He knew.

Joe: Thanks.

Hank: Cash it.

Mike: Joe! You want to cash it with me?

Joe: Yeah, I'll cash it with you.

Mike: Do we do it here?

Joe: Let me load the van.

Mike: Oh, ok. (beep) (whispers) I've never done this before.

Joe: (whispering) Me either.

Mike: So this is right, right?

Hank: I sure hope so. We sure did get excited about it. Yeah, start here, yeah.

Cashier: Thank you.

Mike: Does the barcode say what -- that it's a winner?

Hank: Probably. It probably does.

Mike: I think this is a winner. (scratch noises)

Hank: Oh, in there?

Mike: That. whooooo!

Hank: Yeahhhh. Thank you.

Mike: That's eight dollars. A five and three ones.

 Where to? (5:25)

Paul: -- is Cleveland's Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. Pittsburg's --

Joe: Pittsburg's Andy Warhol Museum --

Paul: -- Andy Warhol Museum --

Mike: -- or the Children's Museum --

Paul: -- the Children's Museum which would be free.

Joe: We could look at lake Erie,

Hank: we could drink Lake Erie.

Mike: Drink lake Erie.

Joe: There's also--

Paul: You want to bottle some?

(Tessa laughs)

Craig: We could do it.

Joe: I never drank Erie. No, I did drink Erie.

Paul: Yeah, you've drunken some.

Joe: I got married on Lake Erie so yeah I must've drank some then.

Mike: There's good food in Pittsburgh in different places. 

Paul: Yeah.

Joe: Uh yeah well Katherine needs to eat a Primanti Brothers sandwich for sure.

Paul: Ok, I think we should--

Joe: Might not fit the "good food" category, but...

Katherine: --do that tomorrow on the way.

Paul: I think there is more of a pressing need for us to go to Pittsburgh.

Mike: Pittsburgh is a good place for dumpster diving, too.

Joe: Oh, yeah.

Hank: Oh, yeah, go dumpster diving.

Mike: you could always go adventuring.

Katherine: You but if you find good things we have to put them in the van and take them with us.

Hank: No, we could just talk about them. 

Paul: Yeah, yeah!

(Katherine and others laugh) 

Katherine: I guess. Or try to sell them.

Hank: uh, yeah, we could auction them off on stage.


Hank: I don't know...

Katherine: Schenley park.

Paul: I'm gonna cast a vote for the Andy Warhol museum.

(silence, Katherine laughs and the silence)

Rob: There's also--

Hank: Alright, Joe's vote wins. The only person with an opinion.

Paul: They have a cool photo booth too.

Mike: Isn't this the Heinz ketchup factory or something.

Hank: I just feel really passionate about ketchup, so.

Mike: I love ketchup.

Joe: Ok, I'm casting my vote to the ketchup factory.

Katherine: We could go do--

Paul: oh yeah!

Katherine: We could go to the Allegheny cemetery.

Hank: Ooooh we could go to the cemetery.

Joe: You're so goth Katherine.

Katherine: There's always cool stuff in cemeteries.

Paul: I'm ordering us to drive to Pittsburgh now and we can discuss this while en warp.

Hank: OK. Sorry, Cleveland, your Rock and Roll Hall of Fame I'm sure is lovely, we are moving away from it.

Joe: We could get in free to that too, bands get in free.

Paul: Bands do get in free to that.

Hank: Aw man, that's cool. What a cool thing.

Paul: We could go there.

Joe: You give them a CD and you get in free. We've given them a lot of Harry and the Potters CDs. (all laugh) They have our entire discography. Plus side projects.

Mike: Some Joe in the refrigerator?

Joe: Yeah, Ed in the refrigerator,

Hank: Do they have Giant Squidstravaganza?

Joe: uuhhh...

Paul: They mi -- I think we gave them a Giant Squidstravaganza CD, too.

Joe: Just knowing that it would get archived there.

Giant Squidstravaganza: I'm in the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. (they laugh)

Katherine: There's also the ToonSeum, which is the Pittsburgh Museum of cartoon art.

Many people: oooh.

Joe: That's cool, too. Where did the psychic soviet go, Paul?

Katherine: Science center...

Hank: Let the record show that Joe just reached into his leather jacket and pulled out a book called Patternmaster by Octavia E. Butler. (they laugh)

Katherine: Which appears to have been gotten from a library.

Paul: It's from my library.

Joe: From my jacket library. (they laugh)

Katherine: Ok, great, the ponies have left, we can go. (they laugh) Didn't want to leave before them.

Mike: (Siri beeps) Data, take me to Pittsburgh. (Siri beeps)

Siri: Getting directions to Pittsburgh.

Hank: Data's voice changed.

Katherine: Thank you Data.

Hank: So that's not Lal.

Paul: It's kind of similar in uh--

Katherine: Does sound like Lal.

Paul: --in tone. It has the same cadence as Data's voice.

Hank: Little bit, yeah. It sounds like Lal.

Joe: Who's Lal?

Hank: Data's daughter. Ooh, I'm sorry spoileeeeer! From the second season! (whooping and howling laughter from everyone for an extended period)

Hank: I just blew Joe's mind.

Joe: I didn't know it was possible.

Katherine: What date is it?

Siri: (voice fades out)

 Patternmaster (10:00)

Paul: Patternmaster by Octavia E. Butler. Here's the description on the inside jacket: "In the far future, Patternmaster Rayal is dying. He rules his own race of selectively bred psionically powerful patternists and he rules the non-psionic mutes, a hostile third race. The mutated Clayarks is beyond his control and so is his successor. Succession to power depends wholly on psionic ability. Coransee, Rayal's son decides that his younger brother Teray is too powerful, too much like Rayal in both appearance and ability..." (fades out)


(beeping noises)

(Hank laughs)

Paul: Thanks.

Hank: That was... my new --

Paul: It's a cool instrument.

(more beeps, clapping)

Paul: That's really good.

Hank: (roboticized) I ate five cookies and I didn't feel bad. (Katherine laughs)

 Squished pennies (11:30)

Hank: I just got some Doritos and my change was exactly 51 cents, which is exactly how much you need to get yourself a squished penny at this machine.

Joe: Do you get to pick which one you get?

Hank: No, I think you just get it. I think you get whatever one you get.

Joe: Oh. I really want the one with the woolly mammoth on it.

Hank: (machine cranking) Katherine needed money.

Joe: Is this a similar machine as DFTBA?

Hank: Yeah, except that this one's broken.

Joe: That sucks.

Hank: I got two halves. Is that my fault? I don't know.

Joe: Wh-- how did Joe's come out?

Hank: Fine. Look at you.

Joe: Oh. I don't-- I don't have enough quarters. I put them in the Ms Pacman machine. At a cost of 50 cents, Hank Green has destroyed one penny.

Hank: Worth it!

 Not an accurate representation of the lottery(12:35)

Paul: --three dollar ticket.

Hank: Oh, a three dollar ticket! I just squished a penny but it did it wrong so I got half--

Paul: It didn't-- You had to line it up the right way. Yeah, you had to line it up.

Hank: I didn't know how to do that. You gonna get the $50,000 winning--

Mike: Andrew, Joe, press the button with me. One, two, three. (grunting)

Paul: That wasn't a good button sound.

Hank: How does it work? That was a lot of things to scratch off.

Paul: uh... "Match two like numbers in the same game, win that game's prize. Match three like numbers in the same game, win triple that game's prize. Reveal a bed--" oh no, that's a money. "Reveal a money symbol in any game, win five times that game's prize."

Mike: Use your special secret -- your lucky penny. Squashed penny.

Paul: My Ohio history center Columbus Ohio mammoth souv

Tessa: Can you scratch all of them?

Paul: Yeah, we'll do game one...

Mike: Is that allowed?

Hank: Yeah, just go right across there.

Paul: Yeah, you're scratching the prizes though, we want to see if we got matching-- OH OH, hell yeah!

Mike: Two two's! Two two's! So we got a buck!

Hank: THREE two's!

Paul: No, no, you win triple the prize.

Hank: So we got three bucks. Which is how much money we spent.

Joe: Oh, it was a three dollar ticket?

Hank: So almost certainly we're not gonna get anything else.

Paul: You don't know that, Hank Green.

Joe: Where's the bonus multiplier? Andrew?

Paul: If you have one match you get double the number, if you have a triple match in a game you get uhm --

Hank: Triple.

Paul: Triple.

Hank: Triple the prize.

Paul: If you get a money symbol, you get some sort of cool --

Andrew: -- kinda higher. 9, 40, 37... two nines!

Paul: Oh nice! Scratch the prize! Scratch the prize!

Joe: Two nines is a winner?

Paul: Yeah.

Hank: Two nines is a winner.

Many people: Four bucks! (clapping and cheering)

Joe: This podcast is not a good representation of playing the lottery.

Hank: Yeah. 

Andrew: Alright. So we got these ones, we got these ones.

Mike: Aw, man. Let's go buy candy.

Paul: So yeah, let's cash it in cuz these ones are a match. Andrew, you should cash it in.

Hank: Oh man, we are so good at the lottery. We should always play the lottery, it seems like you always win!

Giant Squidstravaganza: And then Hank Green cashed in all the lottery tickets.

Hank: This is how we're spending our fancy hour.

The machine that cashes the tickets: Winner! Winner! (air horn sound)

Hank: Cool winning sound.


Hank: Are you gonna wheeze the juice?

Joe: Fill 'er up!

Hank: Oh, water, OK.

Joe: No no no, Dr. Pepper works. (Hank laughs) Oh, I don't have a cup.

Hank: If you filled... hey, hey goofpunk. Hey, hey. you're an adult now. Don't steal from Panera bread.

Mike: That's how we got arrested in Ohio.

Hank: Geez, there's really no one around.

 Children's Museum (15:45)

Hank: I keep getting an error.

Mike: Hi, we're looking for-- well, I guess we're gonna-- well no, we see a sign that says "Children's Museum parking" we're going there.


Hank: Oh, it's wind.

Katherine: It's rippling.

Hank: It's got a wind surface on it.

Katherine: That was awesome.

Mike: That roller coaster used to have three cars and three sapling plants in it and it would just go up and down and around.

Katherine: Aww.

Paul: Sapling plants in the cars?

Mike: yeah.

Hank: God dang it.

Katherine: What?

Hank: I'm having to re-export my podcast and now it's not ready and everybody's like "ok, well we're done, we're ready to go to the children's museum" and I'm like "But the podcast isn't online!" everybody's like "god dammit Hank and your podcast!"


Katherine: Everybody is like that.


Hank: We're at Pittsburgh Children's Museum because apparently we know somebody-- or somebody knows somebody who works here and we're gonna get a behind the scenes tour. It's really cool. It's got a weird wind flappy wave... thing.

Katherine: (laughs) Good description.

Hank: Whoah! It just did a crazy.

Katherine: Yeah, man. Super cool.

Hank: Just a bunch of adults going to a children's museum. That's all. It's gonna be worth it. It's gonna be cool.


Hank: Headed downstairs to go to the office of the person that we just met who is helping us... uh, get our secret tour. Oh yeah.

Mike: Behind the scenes.

Hank: We're walking right into the--

Tour Guide: yeah, go for it.

Hank: Yeah oooh, it's a workshop.

Andrew: Museum.

Katherine: Smell the smell!

Hank: Yeah, it smells like (sniffs) hot glue gun.

Katherine: Yeah.

(they laugh)

Hank: Would you be okay with being on a podcast? Where we're just documenting our tour.

Tour Guide: Sure.

Hank: Can you introduce yourself?

Tour Guide: Oh, ok. I'm Greg. I work here. I'm exhibits developer, so I design and build and fix stuff the kids destroy.

(they laugh)

Hank: Sounds like a cool job.

Mike: He designs it to break so he has job security. (they laugh)

Greg: Yeah, I try to use some weird stuff that nobody else knows what's going on so, you know, if they fire me, they call me back like "it's broken..." and everyone feels weird about it.


Katherine: House? For children only.

Hank: ooh. This is a giant bouncy tunnel. I assume I can't go in it cuz I'm too big but that looks-- I want it adult size.

Katherine: So colorful.

Hank: So colorful and wonderful.

(machine clinky noises)

Katherine: Andrew, you need this one.

Andrew: Yeah!

Tessa (?): Andrew, is this your dream right here?

Andrew: With the lil... get it!


(music plays)

Hank: oooooh.

Greg: That's what you hear from downstairs, if it's busy, we get a lot of this (gears grinding) It's really loud down there.


Hank: I'm coming down! Ow! ggggg OW! Dang, that was a shock! And now I'm stuck... Skinny jeans. Skinny jeans! Skinny jeans! ah! g-dang.

The stairs make noises when you step on them. (uhhh, awesome, wow, awesome, ooh, aaah, ooo) This is creepy.

Mr. Rogers' neighborhood is here! You ok, Katherine?

Katherine: I'm gonna cry.

Paul: Daniel Striped Tiger. He's right here!

Mike: It's the one!

Joe: No way!

Mike: You want your picture with it?

Katherine: Is that the one that-- oh my god, everything has ever been there.


Hank: What is happening when you're doing this?

Greg: The light behind it is changing color, and different gummy bears are different colors so like the red ones are brightest when there's red light, and kind of

Hank: And when there's all green light they're like... they'll go black.

Greg: Yeah, the red ones turn black and the green ones get real bright.


Hank: That was really cool!

(agreeing noises from several parties)

Katherine: Thank you so much!

Greg: Well, have fun.

Hank: Thanks!

Katherine: Do that thing we gotta do.

Hank: We gotta do the thing.

Mike: (far away) Put your name on the list.

Hank: The thing is a thing we gotta do.


Mike: Right and then a left.

Katherine: You gotta make a right.

Mike: Yeah you wanna take a right onto...

Katherine: Stanwick. This one right here.

Joe: You gotta be like, two steps ahead of Siri here.


Hank: How was your ride?

Rob: It was awesome.

Hank: We went to a children's museum.

Rob: Yeah.

Hank: That's why we're late. And then we got lost. For both those reasons.

Rob: (laughs) Yeah.

 Backstage? (20:30)

Hank: Alright, let's see what's going on here. Is there a backstage at all? This might be one of those places that doesn't really have a backstage. This is definitely not a backstage, this is just a... hallway.

Rob: Did you pee in there, man?

Hank: Did I pee?

Rob: Yeah.

Hank: Yeah, I mean a little.

Rob: Oh. Habits.

Hank: By which I mean a lot. I peed a lot.

This definitely does not have a backs--well unless, no. That doesn't look like a place where I should go but it does look interesting... It looks really interesting, I don't know if I can resist the urge to do this. Can I turn on my camera light? Oh man, this is creepy, I found a creepy spot. Oh geez, I'm gonna get myself in trouble, aren't I? Oh yeah, little bit. Oh, ooh. If I would... bet on there being asbestos anywhere in the world, it would be in this room. Oh man, yeah. Oh, nobody's been in here in a-- well, no, maybe not. There's a bottle of water there that looks not super old. But it does have condensation on the inside which would indicate that it's been there for a while. Uhm... but it's not a big room and it's definitely not the greenroom. It has an air conditioner in it, or some kind of air-handling system. Uhm... so I'm gonna get out of here before I get cancer. But neat! That was a neat...

 Sound check and pep talk (22:00)

Andrew: (echoey singing) Venus, I have come to know you. Go on. Did do that right again?

Hank: I think you should keep going, though. I need some of them, yeah.

Sound guy: You need some of them?

Paul: Yeah. I just want them cuz it sounds good.

(they laugh)

Sound guy: Alright, everybody has it now, let me see how that is.

Andrew: (echoey singing) Near and far, wherever you are I believe that the heart does go on.

Sound guy: Sweet. And uh, stage right.

Paul: Ehhhhh. How's it going? What do you-- how do you make two popsicle sticks stick together? Clamps! Aooo! (groany noises in all pitches)


Paul: Andrew, Paul, Rob, Hank. There's a lot of people out there! And they're hungry for what you've got to feed them so...

Joe: Which is hummus?

Paul: Which is what?

Several people: Hummus?

Rob: Is it hummus? I didn't bring any hummus.

Paul: It's chickpeas.

Rob: OK, I brought that.

Paul: It's spicy jalapeno chickpeas soaked in extra virgin olive oil

Rob: Yes!

Paul: I want you to squeeze it on 'em, Hank.

Hank: Alright!

Joe: Ready?

Paul: Confirmed?

Everyone: Confirmed.

Paul: Alright. Goop on three.

All: GOOP!

 Encore (23:22)

(crowd chants "one more song" in background)

Rob: They might just be saying that.

Andrew: Yeah, it's just being polite.

Paul: I think they really want one genuinely.

Hank: But do they want two, though?

Rob: I don't know, should I text them back?

(they laugh)

Joe: Text them-- let's see what they're saying on Yelp.

Hank: It's so nice outside, it's so cool and so hot inside. Why can't we play the rest of the concert outside!?

Hank: How about three more songs?

Rob: How about three more?

Hank: OK. That sounds good.

 End (23:53)

Hank: The show is over, we did the show, the show is done. Now I'm by myself on the streets of Pittsburgh. I'm not by myself, my wife is here. And we're looking for a place to eat, to eat food. Going to get it and eat it. Yeah.

We're at Primanti Bros in Pittsburgh. It's good. I like it.

(?): Describe your sandwich, Hank.

Hank: It's two big old pieces of bread, white bread.

Katherine: The whitest.

Hank: Super white bread, a--some kind of hamburger patty.

Katherine: It's a cheese-steak.

Hank: It's a cheesesteak. And um, and uh, some french fries and some slaw, I think, some kind of slaw. It's not bad. It's been a good day.


This has been Podcast because Awesome, the daily tour diary of the Tour Because Awesome with Hank Green and the Perfect Strangers, Rob Scallon, Andrew Huang, Harry and the Potters, and Driftless Pony Club, tourin' around the East coast of the United States of America. Why did that giant beeping noise just start happening? Whatever. This is gonna be--it's a dirty podcast, you guys, this is not a well--why? Why? It's just a van. You're just a normal sized van, you don't need that giant binging beeping. Just a van. Don't think so highly of yourself, van. DFTBA.