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Uploaded:2013-08-14
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In which John answers real questions from real nerdfighters. The Swoodilypoopers play Stoke City in the Capitol One Cup.

Follow Us on Twitter: @SwindonSwoodily
Hello and welcome to Hank Games without Hank. My name is John Green; I'm the manager of the Swindontown Swoodilypoopers. We're playing Stoke City. They're in the premiere league, we're in the championship. Why are we doing that? Because this is the Capital One cup. Do not let me forget that this is the Capital One cup and ergo, there might be, uh, what do you call it... extra time and/or penalties. Umm, as you can see we're starting our best team: John Green, Leroy Williamson, Fireball Wilson Grobertson one side, the Judge on the other, Green Eggs and Foderingham, our ends in, in goal, and Ginger McShane, and Silva e Silva e Silva e Silva e Silvaaa heading up our efforts in the back. We are going to need their help, because Stoke City have an impressive, very impressive team. They're a lot better than we are on paper. But these games aren't played on paper. They're played via pixel. We can do this.

Alright, we're gonna do Question Tuesday today. Meredith, what is my first question? What is my favorite board game? Hmm. That's actually quite tough. It's like one of my- OH THAT'S A- THAT'S A PENALTY! THAT'S A PENALTY! THAT'S A PENALTY! Oh, you don't have to like it, Huth! You don't have to like it one bit, Mr. Huthy! Oh God. Wordsworth? No. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. No. No.No. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. No. Wordsworth? Wordsworth? I mean, Green Eggs and Foderingham is better at penalties than you are. Well, that's an idea. Meredith, is that crazy? Meredith doesn't think it's crazy. I don't think it's crazy, either. I think it's brilliant. Wait, he's terrible at penalties! Alright, I can do this. OH! Green Eggs and Foderingham! He scores when he wants, he scores when he wants! Wesley Crusher Foderingham, he scores when he wants! Swindon hero! Swindon hero! We love you! Oh, what a finisher! Oh, my God. We're gonna need his confidence for the rest of the game, and that's gonna help. He's a finisher. He is an absolute finisher. Oh, are you Messi? Are you Messi? Are you Messi in disguise? What a hero, and what a servant to the people and the city of Swindon he has been. Oh, I love it! My favorite board game is Risk. And I just showed it by showing you what I- how I can take risks. Oh, yeah. BALD JOHN- no! I- oh, he doesn't play for us anymore. Womp, womp, womp. What's my next question?

Which superhero is most likely to be a nerdfighter? That's a good question. Um, it's not Batman. It's not Superman. Oh, it's definitely Spider-Man. He's crazy nerdy, and he's a teenager. That seems pretty obvious to me. It's gotta be Spider-Man. Um, yeah, I think Spider-Man probably is a nerdfighter. You know who else is a nerdfighter? Benedict Cumberbatch. Alright, c'mon. That's a nice lookin'- oh, other John Green! You gotta sorta like, turn your body to that ball! Maybe we need to take you ballroom dancing sometime, so you learn some new moves. Alright, what's next?

Do I prefer doing peanut butter face or sharpie face? Well, peanut butter face feels more exfoliating. Yeah, I prefer peanut butter face. Sharpie face takes a long time to get off, and peanut butter face is pretty straight-forward. That said, I don't love either. Um, from a purely selfish point of view. But you know, I'm willing to suffer for my art. Oh, Leroy Williamson, Leroy Williamson. Leroy- oh, he's trying to be too fancy. I feel like Leroy Williamson lately has been a little bit too fancy. Oh! Great turn, but all for nothing. Okay, what's my next question?

Tacos or burritos? Um, burritos. To me, that's not even a question. I like soft tacos. Um, but, the main reason I like them is thatbec- is because they're like tiny little burritos. Yes, that's great defense. Stay in front of it, stay in front of it. He who shall not be named! Okay, good job guys. Nope. Nope. Nope. No! Yes! Oh, at the last possible second, every- nope! Yes! Yes! Oh, I know. I know, I need to use the X button a little bit more. I know. Let's just stay calm. Let's remember who's winning this game. TheSwoodilypoopers are. So everybody, just stay cool. Stay collected. Pass to you- no, obviously I wasn't trying to pass to the other team. What's my next question, Meredith?

How do I cheer myself up? Oh, I like to read to cheer myself up. and then I also um, I don't know, I like to do...it's part of why I write, to cheer myself up. Um, I don't- I get cheered up by doing things kind of by myself. By being um, by having some 'me time' as they say. That's what I find relaxing. So I guess that's what I do. Is whatever it is, whatever it is that I do kind of for- for y'know, uh, for my own time. GET IN THE GOAL! Ugh, these premiere league goal keepers get down so fast. They're just really good at going to ground. Alright, what's the next question?

Angel or Spike? This is gonna be an awkward moment. Um, I'm not even ready to tell- tell people that, so I'm just gonna make a guess and I'm gonna say Angel? I'm right. Okay, I'm right. That's good. Oh, speaking of right off the post. Right off the post. Oh, if only I'd watched more...Buffy? I probably would've gotten that right. Get- Leroy Williamson! Leroy Williamson! You gotta hustle to that ball, my friend! Alright. It's alright. Um, y'know. There's so much y'know- there's so many things that- that I love. Oh, God. Green Eggs and Foderingham has it. Um, Star Trek: The Next Generation I can talk about all day. The vampire-slaying stuff and it's spin-offs and- and Whedon in general is not my 'verse. It's not my universe. We're winning. Thanks to a goal from Green Eggs and Foderingham. Oh, it was a beauty. Okay, here we go. Here we go into the second half, winning against Stoke City. All we need to do is not give up a goal, but if you might remember, from previous games with Swoodilypoopers, that is not- THAT WAS NOT A FOUL! I- we we're doing a little knee stuff! I was touching the ball while I was touching his knees and there was- it was sensual, but I don't think it was illegal. Green Eggs and Foderingham. Oh, brilliant at the front, brilliant at the back. Man of the match, no doubt about it. C'mon, guys, better passing! What's my next question, Meredith?

Favorite breakfast food? I'm not a huge breakfast eater, but I do enjoy bag- oh, God, oh, God, oh, God, oh, God, oh, GOD! *sighs* Still alive in the Capital One Cup. I do enjoy the occasional bagel with cream cheese. I like all breakfast foods. The problem I havewith- well, what are called breakfast foods. That's an example of oppression. Get it, get it, get it! Finish! Oh...in that situation, you've just gotta finish. Gotta find a way. Gotta find a way to finish. Um, yeah, I- I like the foods that are associated with breakfast, but I enjoy eating them later in the day, when I am actually hungry, and not, um, not recently awoken. Um, so, yeah.Maybe- I know people say that's bad for my health or whatever, but I can only tell you what I like to do. Alright, what's next?

My favorite city to be in? Well I love Amsterdam. Um, I've loved Amsterdam for many, many years and I have- feel very quite happy there and, um, but my favorite city to be in right now is in Indianapolis, because that's where my family lives and that's where my home is and, y'know, that's gonna be my favorite. Uh, y'know, a home is- places are mostly made out of people, and for me, that'suh- right now, that's Indianapolis. Um, but, I don't know. I like a lot of places. I enjoy traveling. I like Sydney a lot. In Australia. Um, I don't know. But, yeah, I guess Amsterdam's my favorite city. Definitely my favorite city. I'm always, like, really happy when I'm there, because I'm usually on vacation and it's so pretty, and the people are really cool. yeah, I like it there. So. Oh, God. Alright, what's my next question, Meredith? 

*sighs* See where that hit the post, Green Eggs and Foderingham? Made a save and hit the post and I peed on myself? The best of all match I've ever seen is the 2005 Champions Final. That's not even a competition. It's not even close to a competition. 2005 Champions Final? Maybe the best- Oh, God. *sighs* -football match anyone has ever seen in all of human history. It was that good. Um, I mean, the Manchester- the last five minutes of the- of last year's Premiere League were very exciting, um, but, the 2005 Champions League Final- it's just...the whole entire game- forget the fact that I'm a Liverpool supporter, so obviously, it was like, amazing. Um, the whole entire freaking game was just like... the tension, particularly in the second half after- for those of you who don't know: Liverpool came from 3 Mil down, with three second half goals within six minutes of each other, and then held on 'til penalty kicks, and then won on penalties. Um, but for those- like, I mean, the tension for the last, like, hour was just unbelievable, like, just un...I would say unbearable, but we all bore it. It was borne. But it was the most intense feeling I've ever had about, um, not just about sports, but really about any- really any variety of experience. Like, it was so- it was just un...unimaginable. I mean, I- I'd never experienced anything like it, and it went on, and on, and on, and on. I got fouled again, but I'm not gonna get credit for it, because life is full of disappointments. Um, still, I am winning, with just ten minutes left. we just have to hold on for ten minutes. What's- what's the next question?

Ah, favorite restaurant? My favorite restaurant in Indianapolis is called Recess. It's very good. It's one of those restaurants where you don't get to pick what you eat. There's a different menu every night and the chef decides it. OH, NO! ANYTHING BUT THIS! ANYTHING BUT THIS! NO, NO, NO, NO, NO! AWWWW, SHMOOK! Alright, let's get a goal. Let's get a goal, guys. C'mon. Let's just, y'know, let's go find a way. We've gotten close a couple times, we hit the post. We can do this. This is a winnable game. bandalovski is exhaustalovski. Oh. What are you doing not getting to the ball? Bostock, you're better than that! Sorry, I'm getting angry now. I'm getting frustrated because I like to win and I hate to lose. There we go. Probably have one- time for one more attack. One more attack. That's a nice ball. God, Bandalovski's so tir- what? What was against the rules there? C'mon. Aw, you gotta get to the ball, John Green! You are our best player, you've gotta play like it, you are our hero! Alright, we're going to go to extra time. We can win this game. Meredith, gimme one more question.

Lord of the Rings or Star Wars? That's actually really hard. Um, I'm gonna go- I mean Lord of the Rings, for the overall sort of- well the universe of Star Wars is really enhanced by books, too, but the Lord of the Rings books are really special to me, so I'm going to go Lord of the Rings, just for the books, but Star Wars is great. I think Star Wars is kind of an under-appreciated universe, and not- not- not only for George Lucas, but for everybody who's donat- who's like devoted so much, uh, okay. So I'm gonna do a couple weird things here. I'm gonna bring in Andy Rooney, and I'm gonna put him out on the right side. Our only other option for right midfield is Awesome Dawson, who is a 55 in terms of skill level, he's fast, he's good- forget it, I'm gonna do Awesome Dawson, he's- I love him. I know he's not great, but I just don't care. I'm gonna bring on Andy Rooney, um, for Wordsworth. And then, how are the boys in the back looking? Bandalovski is exhausted, I'm gonna bring on Ginger Rampage to be in his position. It's a runny position, and he's still got some energy so, uh, those are my substitutions. This is just- just- this is- I just- I hate extra time, and I hate penalties, and I'm- can't help but be anxious about the prospect of penalties against, uh, Stoke city. I mean that's uh, pretty serious business. It's not like, uh, y'know, whatever teams we've been having penalties against. This is serious. We've gotta win this game. And the thing is: we can win it. We've outplayed our opponents dramatically. Um, well not dramatically. It's been close though. Alright, what's my next question, Meredith?

Do I ever run out of video ideas? Sometimes. I mean, I don't run out, as such, but there are video ideas- Oh, God you're better than that! We need a better first touch. There are video ideas sometimes where I don't know if it's gonna work, or yeah, I mean, or I don't know what I want to make my video about this Tuesday. Sure, I mean, we've been doing this for- what, is it seven years? A long time, and um, so naturally there's gonna be some times where you're just like: "wow, what am I doing?" But, I mean, the great things is that the nerdfighters can always, sort of like, give us ideas. Um, so if I 'm ever in a real idea rut, I do turn to nerdfighteria for advice, OHHHHHHHHHH!!!! DO THE ROBOT, SIR! HE'S BIG, HE'S TOUGH, HE HAS A BRILLIANT PUFF! OTHER JOHN GREEEEN, OTHER JOHN GREEN, YES! Finally, he found an opening through that Stoke City defense and he proved why he is a world-class John Green. arguably the greatest John Green in all of FIFA '13. Oh, is he better than his husband? I don't know. But he's becoming a great- oh, God. A great player. Why did you do that turn so fast? Oh, I used the X button! I want to be credited for having used the X button properly for once. Okay, go, go, kill time! Don't be afraid to kill time! Just take your time on this. Oh, okay, that's it. That's the end of the first- Meredith, I can't handle any more questions, if that's okay, because I really gotta focus on the second half of extra time here. I gotta win this game.

Alright, it's two-one, we only have fifteen minutes to kill. To be fair, we only had ten minutes to kill last time, and we couldn't do it. C'mon, no, no, anything but that. Gotta get the ball back. Gotta get the ball back, guys. Now it's just possession football. Possession football, yes. You see that guy making a run? You see that- yes! Oh, that's pretty. It's Awesome Dawson. It's Awesome Dawson. People said "oh, you shouldn't bring him into the game" but look at him. Look at him. Look at his control! Awesome Dawson. Leroy Williamson! Leroy Williamson! OH! Oh... oh... I thought that was it! Oh, I'm sick to my stomach from the pressure. Leroy Williamson! I don't know why your- why your big idea there was to shoot, sir. Oh, cause he's Andy Rooney. He loves to shoot. Mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm! NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! NOOOOOO! Ohhhh... c'mon. Alright, if we go to penalty kicks, I just want to remind you that we've already scored one of them in this game, so there's no reason we can score another. But, lots more. We're probably going to have to score more than one. Um, but do we have to go to penalty kicks? Maybe not. Maybe we can find a goal. Maybe it'll be through Leroy Williamson! DAH! Alright, blow the whistle, ref. Okay, we're going to penalty kicks. Oh, my goodness! I hate penalties! Alright boys, c'mon, c'mon, c'mon, Green Eggs and Foderingham, Green Eggs and Foderingham, he's the greatest Foderingham of all time! It's off the post! How do you like them eggs? HOW DO YOU LIKE THEM EGGS? He had it covered though. Ginger Rampage, Ginger Rampage... OH! Ginger Rampage, Ginger Rampage, Ginger Rampage has a soul! Green Eggs and Foderingham. D'oh! I thought I should go right. I was- oh. Okay. Andy Rooney, Andy Rooney. Andy Rooney! Andy Rooney, Andy R- yes, ooh, ginger's on the scene. Andy Rooney, Andy Rooney has a soul! OH, HE MISSED! Okay, okay, oh, God, okay. Awesome Dawson. Awesome Dawson. Awesome Dawson. Oh, that's not a great penalty. BUT IT'S GOOD ENOUGH! IT'S GOOD ENOUGH! He's a fifty-five skill level, but he's a hundred heart! Alright, here it is. Green Eggs and Foderingham, the greatest keeper, arguably, in the history of Swindontown. He's right there. Okay. Oh, I will eat them in a boat, I will eat them on a float. GREEN EGGS AND FODERINGHAM! GREEN! EGGS! AND! FODERINGHAM! HE SCORES A GOAL! HE STOPS A PENALTY! AND THE SWINDONTOWN SWOODILYPOOPERS ARE MOVING FORWARD IN THE CAPITAL ONE CUP! Thank you for watching! Best wishes!