Hank: Good morning, John. It’s Wednesday. [John slides in] Uh!

John: Aw, chair wars! You say it’s Wednesday? It’s question Wednesday; the day that I answer real questions from real nerdfighters. Number one: what was your biggest childhood argument?

Hank: I think that you lying is the problem where you- where something would happen, you would lie, and I would get blamed because you were a better liar than I was. You’re still a much better liar than I am.

John: I’m a novelist. It’s, like, my job. How come you guys never come to Ireland or even mention it?

Hank: Um, mentioned!

John: Done. Would you rather have a unicorn or a Pegasus?

Hank: A Pegasus. Obviously.

John: Really? No, no.

Hank: Yes, it has wings.

John: But if you had a unicorn you could kill it.

Hank: Well you could kill the Pegasus too if you wanted to. You can ride a unicorn and it’s just a fricking horse. It’s like, would you rather have a horse or a flying horse?

John: Is it possible that The Giant Squid of Anger and the Sarlacc from Star Wars share an evolutionary link?

Hank: No, it’s not. Because that happened in a galaxy far far away and there’s no way to transmit genetic material between galaxies.

John: It's also a long time ago.

Hank: Right, that’s not- that's not as big of a problem.

John: It’s more the far far away.

Hank: Yeah.

John: Why does the internet love bacon so much?

Hank: Because bacon is delicious.

John: Yeah. “Bacon is good for me.” Do you ever see those uh, those- those anti-piracy ads that are like “You wouldn’t download bacon.” And I’m like “Yes I would. Is that a thing?” We can download bacon? Does it come out of my printer? What’s your favorite thing about each other?

Hank: I like this part. [points to John’s right cheek]

John: That’s totally creepy. You just inspired a very unfortunate generation of fan-fiction writers.

Hank: I think there’s gonna be a Facebook fan page for this part. [John looks to the left]. What’s up?

John: I was giving them some of that part so that they could make the screen-cap.

Hank: Oh, I thought you found something up on my ceiling that I should know about.

John: No. Oh, look at that. You’ve got Kermit up there.

Hank: He’s just, you know, my household god.

John: I have- That’s where I have Padre Pio. I have a Roman Catholic saint and you have Kermit.

Hank: I figured Padre Pio was a soccer player. [John laughs] Just assumed!

John: Have you seen the new modernized version of Sherlock Holmes?

Hank: Are we talking about the Cumberbatch one or the Downey Jr. one. I’ve seen both.

John: Because the Cumberbatch one: two thumbs up.

Hank: Yes.

John: The Downey Jr. one: one thumb...

Hank: Yeah, see? We don’t disagree.

John: We don’t disagree. Arm wrestling match!

Hank: Arm wrestling match!

John: One, two, three. [commences and fast-forwards through dialogue]. I give up, I give up! Do you guys go back and watch your old videos?

Hank: That implies that we’ve ever watched an old video. I never watched-

John: You never watched Brotherhood 2.0?

Hank: I’ve never seen the show.

John: I really enjoy watching the old videos. Particularly your old videos. When I watch my old videos I’m pretty hard on myself.

Hank: It’s funny because I like to watch my old videos, too. I’m like “That guy’s so funny, oh my god.”

John: Why do you do the things you do? Wouldn’t it be easier to just play games all day? What is the point of doing things in general? Oh that’s a….

Hank: What is the point of doing things in general? There is no reason to do things. There’s no, like, cosmic mandate to do stuff.

John: I feel bad for that person.

Hank: Do you?

John: Because I’ve struggled with that a lot. In fact, I wrote a novel about it called The Fault in Our Stars.

Hank: It’s available at a link below. All copies will be signed.

John: Since there isn’t, as you said, a cosmic mandate to do things, you know? There isn’t a cosmic mandate to make stuff and the world probably won’t be any different as a result of the stuff that you make or do.

Hank: I think it’s human nature. I think that we have a human nature to like to do stuff and interact with people and to make the world better for each other.

John: Yeah.

Hank: I think that we like doing that.

John: Yeah, making stuff is very fulfilling in and of itself in a way that playing video games isn’t.

Hank: Even if it’s making a garden bed or if it’s making- I mean, even, you know video games are set up to do that. They’re set up to satisfy that need.

John: Right. Uh, but they can also become kind of insular.

Hank: Right, no. I mean they’re set up to satisfy that need in a very shallow way.

John: We love making awesome stuff with awesome people. That’s what we’ve always loved and we feel very lucky to be part of a community where that stuff happens.

Hank: I’m gonna turn that right there into a song.

John: Are you?

Hank: I’m going to songify it.

John: Is it gonna be called ‘Making Awesome Stuff with Awesome People’? Oh, you’re gonna songify me? I’m gonna sing on key for once?

Hank: I can’t ac- I do not have that technology. [John laughs] John, thank you for doing my first question Tuesday ever with me.

John: It’s been a privilege.

Hank: And I will see you right now.

John: I will continue to see you.

Hank: Stop looking at me. Stop looking at me-!

[additional ending on hankschannel]