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Last sync:2023-01-17 09:45
In which John Green discusses his three-week-old son Henry, privacy, Amanda Bynes, misquoting Albert Einstein, dental work, and hot videos about kisses and other.


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A Bunny
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Good morning Hank.

It's Monday! Good morning uncle Hank. It's Monday.

Yay Henry! Henry, show him the puff. Oh!

Very puffy! So, Hank, you'll never know where I'm going this morning, unless you guessed the dentist. This seems like good weather for vlog driving.

So, Hank, the other day I saw this tweet from Amanda Bynes. Right, Hank, so now that I'm home and my mouth hurts, it occurs to me belatedly that among your abundant charms is that you can probably name all six types of quarks, but probably don't know who Amanda Bynes is. Look, Hank.

He's already reading! Reading pictures. Amanda Bynes is an American movie actress who I apparently follow on twitter.

Yes, I am ashamed. So the other day Amanda Bynes tweets,"I hate it when people say I said things that I didn't say. Stop putting words in my mouth." Then, less than 24 hours later, she tweets,"Your imagination is your preview of life's coming attractions.

Albert Einstein." And, Hank, in that tweet Amanda Bynes committed the most common sin on the internet. Confusing you're and your? No.

Exposing yourself on Chatroulette? No! Misquoting Albert Einstein!

Much to my continuing annoyance, the internet fails to appreciate the fact that Albert Einstein was a physicist, not a quotation generation machine. So, less than 24 hours after Amanda Bynes complains that she's being misquoted all of the time, she misquotes someone else. People who make their lives public will be misquoted.

And, if they don't like that they should make their lives private. And that's reason one of three why you won't see a ton of your nephew Henry in the forthcoming video blogs. I mean, it's not like you're gonna see none of him, but I want the choice of whether he has a private life to be his.

Also, number two: Hank, I don't know if this happened to you, but when I was in high school whenever I took a girlfriend home to meet mom, (What am I saying I don't know if this happened to you? Of course it didn't happen. You didn't have any girlfriends in high school.), the first thing mom did was pull out a photo album of baby pictures.

And she would bring the girl over and she would literally be like,"Look at that little baby. Wasn't he cute? Look at his tiny little penis.

I'm telling you when he came out of my body I said 'Are you sure that's a boy?'" Meanwhile, in the background I'd be like,"Hi, uh Mad-Eye Moody. This is John Green. I I'm gonna need disillusionment charm.

ASAP." Anachronism. What? Anachronism.

There were no disillusionment charms when you were in high school. Harry Potter hadn't been published. You're an anachronism version of me talking to me from a slightly different angle.

So, Hank, I don't want to tell embarrassing stories about Henry that instead of reaching an audience of one girlfriend reach an audience of like,you know, lots. Right, so that reason number three: Hank, you are a nerdfighter, and I am a nerdfighter, and nerdfighters, you are nerdfighters, but not everyone watching this video is a nerdfighter. You know how I know, Hank?

Because sometimes we get YouTube messages like this one which I swear I am not making up. I'm not gonna tell you his username (I assume it's a him) so that you don't spam him. "Hello hi friend plz upload hot videos like kisses and other. also plz upload hot videos about animals. ok?" [sic] Mmm. Okay isn't the first adjective that comes to mind.

Hank, the funniest thing about this message is not that its sender wants us to upload hot videos like kisses and other. The funniest thing to me is that this YouTube user appears to be under the impression that there are currently an inadequate number of videos on YouTube featuring kisses and other. And he thinks the only way to rectify this problem is to reach out to the Vlogbrothers.

Hank, call me crazy, but I don't want that guy seeing too much of your nephew. Hank, Henry is awesome. He loves his aunt Katherine's quilt.

Thank you for the video you made. Thank you to Maureen for being Actual John Green so actually. Nerdfighters, thanks for everything.

We love you guys so much. If you have any questions about the baby, I'll try to answer them in comments. Hank, I'll see you on Wednesday.

Shh. Henry is sleeping like a champion.