Oh, there's a place where you don't want to be,
Where people die constantly,
And they never die in normal ways,
It's preposterous but still cliché.

When your drug dealers aunt kills your mom in a duel,
By chopping off her head with scythe in the pool.
But their not saying it makes sense,
They're just interpreting the evidence.

This is the plot to every television crime show,
From CSI to Columbo and I think you know what's in store:
That guy we met in the first fifteen minutes
Will come back cause you know he did it;
They're not even trying anymore,
And I'm getting bored.

There's semen all over the crime scene,
So they use a super fancy semen testing machine.
And the DNA database gets a hit,
But it looks like he might still get away with it.

But the final piece of evidence,
Totally stops the bad guy's defense,
And he breaks down in front of everyone,
And tells them exactly how it was done.

This is the plot to every television crime show,
From CSI to Columbo and I think you know what's in store:
That guy we met in the first fifteen minutes
Will come back cause you know he did it;
They're not even trying anymore,
And I'm getting bored.

By the middle of the first season,
Murder is eclipsed by sexual tension,
And I guess that probably happens a lot,
Since crime fighting people are always so hot.

But then the serial killer kidnaps the girl,
And they promise to save her if it costs them the world.
And they find her two seconds before she dies,
And they hug, and they laugh, and the screw, and they cry.

This is the plot to every television crime show,
From CSI to Columbo and I think you know what's in store:
That guy we met in the first fifteen minutes
Will come back cause you know he did it;
They're not even trying anymore,
And I'm getting bored.