Hello and welcome to Games with Hank, I'm Hank, this is games of me! As previously mentioned, I'm Hank.

Now I'm not one of those people who hasn't watched Game of Thrones because I'm some kind of book purist. I've read the books, I liked the books, I'm really excited about future books, but when the show came out I watched. I was excited to watch it. I watched it and it kind of... it wasn't that fulfilling to me because, the plot twists, I knew they were coming. And the bigger thing was that my wife didn't really want to watch that again, because once you've lived through the horrors of Game of Thrones, why would you want to do it again when you know it's coming?

So, I don't really watch shows without Katherine, that's just how I feel. If she doesn't want to watch something, I'm probably not going to watch it. But I will play video games without my wife, so today on Games with Hank we're going to be playing Game of Thrones: A Telltale Games series! I know nothing about this game, but I assume that it will be violent, and it may have graphic, uh, it might have, who knows? It might have nudity, it might have cursing, but it will almost certainly have lots of blood. So get ready for that as we dive into the world of this Telltale Game Game of Thrones game. Which I, again, have never played, and never looked at, and know nothing about. Woo!

I'm a little surprised to find that this is... can I make this full screen? Can I make this full screen? It's a- it's not letting me make it full screen, so I guess this is going to be four by three, which you don't expect.

Oh, hey there.

Is there a settings? Are there some settings that I can click on that will allow me to play this game full screen? Because I'm just not used to that. Uh... no, none of those things. Four by three it is. That's weird! I'm not used to that.

The Northerners will never forget! Episode one, begin. We're gonna begin episode one, you guys. We're gonna play episode one today on Games with Hank. Got some gears going.

(Sings Game of Thrones theme.) Apparently I've seen enough-

For thousands of years House Forrester have been loyal bannermen to House Stark. In the darkest reaches of the Wolfswood they harvest the rare Ironwood trees. Now the North has been ripped apart by war and rival houses seek to claim Forrester Ironwood for themselves. And the fate of House Forrester hangs in the balance.

 I can read.

The trout, the trout, the trout in the towers, the wolves dropped the fish 'n they all ran away. The trout, he flopped on for hours 'n hours, and spawned a Walder Frey! Another Walder Frey! Two weddings, two beddings, brought on by beheadings, a night in me cups for me. Two weddings, two beddings, brought on by beheadings, yet all ends happily! All ends happily!

The trout? Yeah! The trout, the trout, the trout of the towers! Ironwood Trout. Is that Lannister? Is that Jaime Lannister? They all look like- oh, maybe that's Jaime. Yes! Yeah. Just drinking and singing a drinking song. Drinking a singing song.

The great Jaime Lannister! King-slayer, Oath Breaker, brought to his knees by the men of the North! 

Gared Tuttle. Yar!

And set free by the women. You'd think he'd done it himself, the way he tells it. Lord Forrester's sword won't clean itself, you know.

Is he all tied up right now? Probably should be. If you've got him, you should tie him up. Okay, I guess not. Select-

Make sure it's spotless this time. Lord Forrester won't be happy with blood and brains all over it.

Okay, what am I doing? Yeah, cl- okay. I'm clean- oh wow. This is exquisite gameplay. I clicked on a sword.

Ah. Proper sword. I'll have one like it myself one day.
You? You'll never have a sword like that. I say that as a friend. And if we're being honest, you are just a squire.
I will. You'll see.
Of course, your lordship. After you take your rightful place on the Iron Throne.

So this isn't Jaime Lannister. He looks just like Jaime Lannister! (3:56)

I had a hand in it you know! 

I'm confused.
A hand in what?

Capturin' him.

Silence is always- You can learn more by not talking.
He was nowhere near the king slayer. He was so drunk, he barely made it out of his tent!

Next he'll tell us he caught Tyrion too.

Shh. Let him finish. 

Oh he'll talk all night if you let him.

You captured the king slayer?

Ahye. Well, I had a hand in it.

Aye Aye.

I held down his ankle as ten others took him down!

(laughter)

See? What did I tell you.

Well, you know. Nothing wrong with breaking ankles. Of the, King slayer.

Brought him to his knees!

(more laughter)

But not before he dragged you halfway across the battlefield on your face!

(chuckle)

You're questioning Norin's honor?

Uh Oh!

I'm questioning Norin's story.

The story's more far fetched every time he tells it!
Get your liege lord some wine. Go on.

Right. Thanks.

You're welcome.

Okay! I'll get uh yeaah ? I'm a nice guy. I mean I'm a nice guy, that's what I would have said. Thanks for letting me know what to do, cause I'm new to this world; I've only just arrived. Literally.

Thank you Gared, I'll do it.
Norin's family has faithfully served House Forrester for centuries.
Pouring wine for people.

His honor is beyond reproach. House Tully is forever in his debt. They've never seen a field plowed so well...
Is this a Tully here?

...as the day the Kingslayer dragged poor Norin across the battlefield.

Well he lived, didn't he? Yeah. I feel like I'm doing a pretty good job. 

Fetch your cup. Tonight we celebrate.

Yeah, okay! Gimme some wine! You have gin here? In this world? I don't think you do. You even have juniper berries? Probably not.


To Rob Stark, the King in the North!

(chorus) The King of the North!
I..Iiiiiiiii

Tomorrow we march on Casterly Rock, and House Forrester has been given the greatest honor, to lead The Young Wolf's army, and ride as the vanguard!

Woooo!

The gods have favored us.

Wo0o!
Onward to Casterly Rock!

(chorus) Aye!

Ahhhhhh.

Death to the Lannisters!

(chorus) Aye!

Ehhhhhh.

The North remembers.

(chorus) Aye!

That's right! We do. Tony Stark! Father of Ned Stark. Little known - little known fact.

Laddie. 

Yes mi'lord?

I need you to keep an eye out for Rodric. As his father,

Wow, you almost, his eye almost came right out! I'm keeping eyes out. Put your eye back in.

I could not be more proud of the man he's become. But a night like this, men find false courage at the bottom of their cups. I'd rather he were here.
Coops.

Yes mi'lord.

There's also the question, what's to be done with you?

I don't know, maybe, playing an actual game.

 It's been on my mind for a while now. Something must be done.

With me, mi'lord?

You've served House Forrester well for several years now, and I can't expect you to squire forever.

Yeah! You wanna give me a sword?

How should I reward your loyalty? What can I offer you?

Maybe uh, that's a, this is obviously the first.

You serve me well...

To bring honor to House Forrester, mi'lord.

You have more honor than those who were born to it. There are those who had their doubts when your uncle put forth your name as my squire, but you've erased those doubts entirely.

He'll remember that. Ya gotta learn how to speak to these people.
It would be an honor to see you ride by Rodric's side in the vanguard tomorrow. Not as a squire, but as the equal of any man who serves House Forrester.

Gimme a sword.

It's well deserved Garret.

Give me a sword.

Your hard work has paid off.

Thank you, mi'lord. I promise, I won't let you down.

I won't let you down. What? Are they? They're from Westeros, not Scotland. I'm confused.

That's what I told the others, but for now, keep this between us. Tonight is for celebrating. I wouldn't want the other squires to get discouraged.

Yes, mi'lord.

Apparently this area of Westeros is analogous to Scotland.

Now go, and find Rodric if you can.

I will, mi'lord. Thank you.

Alright.

Bloody out??... Squire? Fetch us more wine!
Arg. Oh my God, are you serious? I just gotta click for the whole game?

Can you give me a hand? Come on, make it up to ya!

Yeah, no problem.

I'm a friendly lad.

I've been a squire longer than you.

So?

I outrank you. You should help me.

Rank? Who's rank? What's rank? Was I not?... I like being pushed around, what can I say? I would like it better if this game involved more than clicking on words.

Fetch more wine, scrub my armor, clean my boots. Just my luck to end up with Norin while you serve the lord. let him fetch his own wine for once. He's a drunk, liar, and an arrogant prick.

It can always be worse.

You'd better watch your tongue, boy. It could be much worse.

You could be literally dead, which definitely will be. Oh!

*Bleep* do you know about it? Nothing is worse than Norin.

We have a curse word. Okay.

See that's were your lucky. Low expectations.

 I'm almost certain.

If I had grown up covered in pig *bleep*, shoveling slop, why maybe I'd think saddling his horse was the greatest honor in the seven kingdoms.

Oh. More curse words.

I suppose this beats pig farmin'.

Oh yeah.

Uh, not by much.

Who doesn't love bacon?

That's right. Everybody loves beycon.

*sigh* pig farmers.

Well, you know, they have a longer life expectancy than soldiers from the North.

All I'm saying is, at this rate we'll never be more than this! Which is nothin! The lowest of the low.

Well, your alive. You're literally not squatting on a sword with it poking out the top of your mouth. Which I can't imagine...
For all I know, we could be squires for life. Hauling wine around a *bleeping* wedding.

...God stop cursing I'm tryna have a show here.

If my uncle were castallen to House Forrester, maybe it would be different.

Seriously! Silence, that's what I'm doing. That's what I'm going for.
How much farther?

Seriously!
It's right over there. (9:19)

Ah, the Twins the stronghold of House Frey. The Red Wedding. The Red Wedding? Is that happening now? 'Cause I don't know where we're at in the story. 

Take your time.

You lot have drunk your share. Good thing Lord Walder's in a generous mood

Are you ser- I didn't realize this game was just going to be clicking. 

*bleep* Freys. 

(sighs)

Nice night for a wedding.

A white wedding? What kind of wedding is it a nice night for, Billy Idol? (9:49)
Not often he finds a husband for one of his daughters.

What did you see?! What did you see?!

Don't expect me to carry it for you Sir Gared
Will you stop the red wedding?!

I am looking like a robo- I have turned into a robot due to stress. I am a stress robot. Ohhhh no. 

What's gotten into you? You're acting rather odd. You've had too much wine.

We need to get back - now. 
They're fine! They can wait.
No, you don't understand we need to go.

I am a stress robot!

(?~10:26) flagon already.
*sings* Run, run, run, run, run! Run away, run away!

Something wrong with him?
 Nothing's wrong with me!

Something the matter?

No! Weird face!

We have to go.

You go if you're in such a rush!

*singing* I'm going to die. Uhhhh S. Bowen

We have to warn the others.

I told him he was gonna die!!! I - Oh my gosh! I was remarkably accurate in my predictions! You should've been a pig farmer!

I did - I chose to leave Bowen, I had to warn my lord! Who is more important in this situation?! Everybody's going to die!
Aaaah. Ah ahh. Ugh.
I did not realize I had more to do. AH. To the side! Ok. 
I didn't know how the game play worked in this game. 
You guys are not good at sword-fighting.
Save him! Nice! *man gets stabbed* OOOh!(?~11:25) 

Get that, get the thing, get it, click it, click it, drag it - oh yeah! eat that wood-face-death.

Did my - did the lord just die anyway? Oh there's a guy behind you with a pokey poker...

Ready boys!

Who's about to get shot. Throw it! Throw the shield at his head!

Shoot that one!

Ohhh Aaaah! Ow! Ow! OOOHHH! Woooahh war is bad.

Valar Morghulis. Click to continue.

*Laughs*

Well I didn't know really what to expect. Oh I have to do this again? Wow I sacrificed my friend, and yet still!

Where's my - 

Ready boys!

Ready boys!

Shoot that one!

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh come on! I did it! I did it! I did the thing! I did it! I like - my mouse went - all the way over. I guess maybe I overshot?! 

(12:45)

You're not giving me any extra info, game! 
Maybe I'll just do it really slowly and in a continuous movement.

Ready boys! Load!

Raising up my shield. Okay.

Shoot that one!

Ok. Alright. Arrow rises - WHAT THE FRICK?!!? I don't understand.

You know like - UP. There's only really one up. It's not like I'm confusing left and right. 

Ready boys!

Yeah ready boys - shoot that one!

Shoot that one!

Oh OK. Well that didn't do me any extra good, did it?! It's really quite unpleasant to watch this guy die over and over and over again -

maybe the game could give me an auto-pass, in situations where I clearly am incapable of solving the riddle of how to push up!

Ready boys! Load!
Alright. 

Shoot that one!

WHAT THE FRICK AM I SUPPOSED TO DO?!

Well thanks for watching this episode of Games with Hank! It's awful and I guess I'll come back and play this game again if I ever figure out how to not die in this awful situation that involves pushing my mouse upward, which I apparently am incapable of doing. 

Thanks for watching. If you wanted to watch more of this - which why would you? Let's be honest. You can go to youtube.com/gameswithhank and subscribe. Or just unsubscribe. Because - why would - just I'm embarrassed for you for having spent time watching this, so that's just - you better leave!
That's uh...yeah.

Thanks! Anyway. Though. If you did watch, thank you. And DFTBA.