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Duration:12:57
Uploaded:2013-11-15
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In which John talks about how to successfully navigate an airport. The Wimbly Womblys play the Spurs.

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Hello and Welcome to Hankgames without Hank. My name is John Green and I'm the manager of the AFC Wimbledon Wimbly Womblys and would you believe who's come to town? It's Tottenham. Tottenham Hotspur, one of the biggest teams in the world, a London institution. So today we're playing a London derby.

We're in the Capital One Cup, by the way, and somehow we landed Tottenham. We're in the round of 16 or 32 - there aren't that many teams in the capital one cup left- so if we win this game we've got a chance, but I mean we agh... you know.... we've had fun beating up on the likes of Dag 'n' Red but playing Tottenham is a whole different ball of wax so we'll see how we do today. I'm hopeful, but I'm also full of fear.

Speaking of being hopeful but full of fear, today I'm going to talk to you about my - oh god, they are so good. Look at the way they move! It's so fluid! - I'm going to talk to you about my airport tips, how to successfully navigate an airport in the United States of America. This is something of an area of expertise for me, because-

OOHHH NOOOOOO!!!! Get him, get him, oh Borg Warner, ughh- sorry, Warner Chilcott, ugh, whatever his name is. That was tight. Anxious moments here in the beginning for AFC Wimbledon. The Wimbly Womblys definitely on the back foot a little bit. Uh oh! That... that worked out.

So, Meredith's number one tip was to not flirt with the TSA officers. And then she paused and said, "Or do." My wife's number one tip, which I thought was very smart, was: when you are in the security line and you're putting all - you're opening up your backpack to put the laptop inside of it and you're making sure that all of your liquids have been separated in the appropriate way and everything...

Uhm, oh, we can't even have a spell of 3 seconds of possession right now. This is a little worrisome, but, you know, we're under the bright lights. We're feeling some tension. Ah, everything's fine. The important thing is it's still nil - nil, so it's still anybody's game, technically.

Uhm, so when you're in that situation... when you find yourself in that situation, where you're having to... you're feeling the pressure of knowing there are people behind you and you've got to try to get this done and... and you start to panic and you start to... your hands get cold. You start to feel like I feel right now. NO! I mean that was truly inevitable. Gareth Bale just bringing us down to reality.

I mean, I think... I think we were starting to feel a little bit invincible. I think we were starting to feel like maybe we are the greatest football club in the history of the world. Maybe we are the new Barcelona. It's just that we happen to be playing in league two. And this is a nice reminder that of the fact that we still have a ways to go in the development of our squad. Clearly we are not ready for the premier league just yet. However, we have a ball! We have a ball! Bald John Green had every opportunity. It was a beautiful cross and Bald John Green just couldn't make it happen.

When you are in that moment when there are people behind you and you're trying to get all of your stuff ready for the TSA, my encouragement to you would be: find a way to be calm. Because, in fact, you will be better if you are calm than if you are nervous. Things will go faster if you don't panic than if you do.

This is good advice not just in the airport security line, but in all of life. When ever you feel that, like, wave of anxiety hit you; that you feel like you are disappointing others around you and you need to go fast, fast, fast, in fact what you need to do is just take a nanosecond to try to calm down, because it will all go faster if you can find a way to calm down. Uhm, at least, that's my experience.

So, OHH, we needed the yellow button but hit the green button. I'm so disappointed in myself. That every... That was set up for a goal. Ugh, well, I will say that we managed to weather that initial Tottenham storm relatively well and find ourselves in a bit of a good position. Uhm, we're at least having some spells of possession, though, just as I say that.

Uhm, so, BUCKY FULLER. That's right. And Eliza Bennett. That's what I like to see. Get the ball back. Nope, not for long. We just need to get it up to our forwards. Our two beautiful forwards. Teammates in life and in love. They know how to communicate. They know how to work together. Make a run Other John Green! Make a run, sir! Make that run! Ahh! It was close. Oh, we're on the front foot for sure. We are doing some good things right now.

Sorry, I'm going to talk about airports in a second. I'm trying to score a goal. Alright. Didn't work out. So, uhm, my advice for eating in airports? Uhm, I like to leave... I like to leave a lot of time in an airport, uhm, I don't want to... I don't want to feel nervous trying to go through security and all that stuff. So I try to eat at the good restaurants. Uhm, I also don't really trust, necessarily, your airport McDonald's. It's overpriced. I know that they... I... I... generally, that stuff doesn't make me feel good. I don't like getting on an airport... I don't like getting on an airplane having just eaten a Big Mac. That's not going to be a pleasant two hours for me.

Uhm, so, I try to eat light and I try to eat something that's relatively, you know, relatively good. I know, obviously, you're at an airport. You're not going to be eating the best food in America. But something... whatever... Whatever looks nice. I actually use Yelp sometimes. Airport Yelp - Oh, you gotta get in there! Yeah, I mean, that needed Other John Green crashing the net with some faith and enthusiasm that we can find a way to get back into this game. And we didn't have it. And that's disappointing. And they're going to get a lecture at half time about the important of crashing the net.

Listen guys, there's no excuses. I know that we're playing Tottenham. I know that they're seventy places above us in the football league, but we need to focus because this is a winnable game. Or at least a tie-able game. We could at least send it to extra time, and then you never know what could happen. I'm a little frustrated right now because I... that last pass in particular I feel like we should have been crashing. You know? I'm going to try to move. I don't want to be ultra attacking. Just regular attacking is enough for me. 

Uhm, I would also say try, if you can, not to check a bag. In my experience, it's almost never strictly speaking necessary to check a bag. I mean, even if you're traveling, like, for like six weeks. I did the whole Fault in Our Stars movie and I only checked a bag once. Uhm, because I just don't think it's- Get in! Oh. It didn't fall to the right head. Uh, that was Eliza, Lizzy, Bennett, and she just uhm... she couldn't get quite up high enough. Really talented player. Brilliant defender, but not as strong, uhm, and as tall, as say, a Bald John Green or Other John Green. More, uhm, in terms of height, similar to S'Moore.

Oh! Speaking of S'Moore! He wanted to get some, but he couldn't. Alright, let's see if we can get that ball back boys. Let's try to win this game, okay? Let's not lose faith in ourselves.

Uhm, yeah, I don't ever think it's necessary to check a bag. But, make sure that- Oh no. Ohh no! It all worked out! I should have hit the X button. But everything else worked out. Uhm make sure when you do check a bag, that you are strong enough to lift your own bag into the overhead compartment. I mean, unless you are in a situation where you are, you know, disabled, or an older person or something. If you're some 25 year old perfectly able-bodied individual, who's begging for help about lifting something into the overhead compartment, I'm always a little annoyed by that.

Are you this person, Meredith? Meredith appears to be this person. I just feel like, you know, you're... can we talk about the fact that Tottenham is starting their best team against AFC Wimbledon? Usually, you would expect them to bench some starters at least, but no. Oh, oh, oh. Ohh! I ran the wrong way. Uhm, yeah. Oh, oh, oh. Ohh! Are you going to pull it back for a penalty kick? Maybe? No. Well, we know what my track record is with shooting so I'm going to not shoot. Get the ball, get the ball, get the ball, get the ball, get the ball.

D'you have any other good airport tips, Sarah? Think about that while I try to score a goal. It's the 70th minute, it's looking pretty grim. It's looking like we might lose our first game. I'm going to go into ultra attacking and just kind of hope for the best here, but this is a... This is a tight spot! Oh! But look who it is! It's Lizzie Bennett coming back and brilliantly making the tackle when it's 1 on 2. That was a brilliant... I mean, she kept us in the game just then.

Bald John Green, beautiful Bald John Green with his beautiful mustache. Oh. Gareth Bale, did he just come out of the game? 'Cause that won't upset me. He doesn't even play in England anymore. This game isn't up to date. Uh, it doesn't reflect Gareth Bale being transferred. It doesn't reflect that AFC Wimbledon are suddenly like, the best football team in the league. I don't know. Okay.

Other advice. Gosh, I don't really know. I mean, I think that, uh, the main thing is to try, insofar as possible... persevere, Sarah said. I was going to say try insofar as possible to... (Mouth farting noise) persevere. That's great advice at a time like this, when, uhm, a Tottenham player is dancing with the corner flag having just stuck a knife in our hearts and ended our Capital One Cup run. That's devastating.

I'm disappointed, but life is long. Opportunities will emerge. You know, we had a couple chances in this game, so that's something. I mean, we have a chance now- YES! The dream is alive! Go get the ball! Don't do the robot! Go get the ball! Don't do the robot! Go get the ball! What are you doing! Go get the ball, guys! Get off of each other! I know you love each other, but now's not the time! Go get the ball! Thank you! Now, go, go! That took forever!

I should never have celebrated, I should have just gotten the ball. Okay. Here we go. Here we go. All out attacking. Let's go, boys. We can do this. Let's find a way. Let's find a way. Let's make some Wimbledon history today. C'mon, c'mon, c'mon! Gah! That was almost beautiful. You know what, though? I love the effort. Pass to your husband. Go! Cut back! Yes! What are you doing? NO! Offside! Agh! Okay. We are controlling the ball so beautifully, and now we've lost control of it completely.

It's the 89th minute. Oh, the dream is alive, but only just barely. Get the ball back. Get the ball back. Find a way. Get possession. We've got the ball. But do we have time? Go to the corner. No! Oh! Devastating dispossession. That was our moment. Got the ball! C'mon. Go! Go John Green! We've got a corner kick! We have a corner kick. Last kick of the game. Warner is up. Glory! Ahhhhhhh! No! Agh!

It could have been, but it wasn't. It could have been, but it wasn't. Let's remember this moment. Let's remember how this feels. Agh. Let's remember this, and let's take this into the rest of the season. Devastating. Agh. We were almost in the big time for a moment there. But you know what? Proud of the boys. Proud of the supporters. Thank you for watching. No need to smell your pits in shame, sir. We played hard. We played well. Best wishes.