Hello and welcome to Games With Hank! I'm Hank, and this is Games with me! Today we're going back to visit our friends Bill Clinton and Jimmy Carter, uh, I mean, it turns out that Bill Clinton is a lot more interesting than Jimmy Carter. What a surprise! Bill is, uh, already got a girlfriend. It hasn't even been four hours of gameplay, and Jimmy's done a lot of sitting on his bed thinking about the toilet. (0:21)
(Beep)
Alright, well, they're both sleeping, so I'm going to fast forward. Like, literally, I have to sit through them sleeping? That... that's a functionality in this game? Bill Clinton is ridiculously happy right now, by the way. Oh, I'm a test subject at the lab! I'm not really... I'm not really in the scientific career so much as... Jimmy Carter is... is a test subject, I don't know if he's going to be able to move up to a better, better career there. (Beep)
It's the carpool for Bill, coming in about an hour, so you'd better wake up. Oh. He's put on a few pai -- oh my -- what the heck, Bill Clinton. How on earth -- what did you eat? You were the most muscular Bill Clinton I'd ever seen -- wha -- it's been a day! You had -- whoa. He's way skinnier now that he's in the shower. Get -- what! Are you here now? Is that -- is that the -- Bill's carpool right now? Bill, get in the carpool! Stop taking a shower! No, I turned it off. Get -- go to work! Stop showering and go to work, man! They leave without you right now, I'm gonna be so mad at you. Get -- yes, go! Oh, he's in way better shape now. What the heck? Bill, you have -- oh no! Not again! What is happening with you? (1:44)
(Beep) Jimmy Carter is understandably and unsurprisingly far more -- wait, he's just eating. I was gonna say he's more disciplined that Bill Clinton but he's sitting down eating ice cream, so maybe he's not so disciplined after all. (1:55)
Are you still in your bathrobe? What are you wearing, Jimmy Carter? That's your work outfit? Business as usual? "Work hard, relax -- in the specimen closet? Spending time geeking out with your fellow scientists can help you make new friends." Jimmy Carter's not really into friends. Do an independent experiment, Jimmy Carter. You take your life into your own hands! (2:17)
(Happy music begins to play)
"Extra appendages are fun!" I have to read "Living with Mutation" and return to work to increase my job performance and relationship with my boss. I'm going to increase my relationship with my boss? That makes no sense. (2:32)
Bill earned a hundred dollars -- a hundred and sixty one dollars at work today, that's great news! Let's go see -- since he's off work, let's go see what he's up to! Bill, what are you doing? What are you doing? What are you doing? You're just going home? Dah, that's boring! Don't go home! Call... S... Celia. I don't remember her name. Call Sim. We're gonna call... ask on a date! We're gonna ask Blaire on a date. Call Blaire, ask her on a date. We're going to go an a date to... the gym. That seems like probably the right call, at the moment, but we're gonna go to the beach. Yes, I want to go the beach. (3:08)
What? Try calling back in about one hour? But? I mean, we could schedule it for a future time! Alright, we're going to call Blaire again. It's been an hour. Cell phone -- call Sim -- ask out on a date. He's doing it. He's doing it! OK! Let's see, how are you doing, Jimmy? Do you need to do something? Read science book. Yeah. You need to do that. Uh, I, no, I don't care about lifetime happiness. Obviously. (3:43)
Blaire thinks Bill is being very alluring! Excellent! Are you guys having a great date? I'm talking about unicorns! I'm talking about the Loch Ness Monster! My muscle definition is still very good, but I have gained a lot of weight. I don't know what to do! How do I kiss her? Do I have to flirt more before I can kiss her? (4:06)
Yeah... amorous hugs. Maybe I have to amorously hug you a few times before I can kiss you. That makes sense, I guess. Romantic -- first kiss. Go in for that kiss, Bill Clinton! Yeah! (4:27)
That hesitant meeting of trembling lips is a memory that will surely last a lifetime. Alright. Man, I got so many different things I can do now! I can hold hands... I can give her an amazing massage. I'm gonna give you an amazing massage, Blaire Underwood! (4:46)
That was very brief. That was the briefest amazing massage of all time. How do I ask you to be my girlfriend, Blaire? Alright, we're -- yeah? Did you like that? Romantic. Make out. Leap into arms. (Bill: Wahee!) Oh! What? I thought that was going to go the other way around! (5:15)
I would ask you to be my girlfriend, but I don't know how. Propose going steady. I'm going to propose going steady! And maybe it's gonna work. Aww! Bill Clinton just entered an exclusi -- oh, it's exclusive? Hmm. Let's see. Alright, have you guys had a great date yet? He's getting tired. Aw, poor Bill Clinton, saw that he's falling in love but he's also very tired. (5:44)
It seems like it's been a great date, but you're gonna hafta go to bed eventually. Awwww. Dance. I like how when I'm far enough away, he's normal sized Bill Clinton, but then I get close and he gets big. Alright, you guys gonna go swimming! That's a good idea! Maybe you will, uh, you know, it's exercise! Exercise is good. Oh! Blaire just got into the -- oh, I mean, that's not -- I mean, that's weird, that your muscles are so -- do you have two tattoos? Oh! We had a great date! We had a great date! (6:23)
Well, I am embarrassed for poor, poor Jimmy Carter, who is still, after all this time -- Bill Clinton has met the love of his life and Jimmy Carter is just sitting at the kitchen table, reading a book. Oh, he's -- no, he's re-reading a book. Oh, Jimmy, I'm so sorry. (6:43)
You know, Jimmy Carter is perfectly happy to sit at the kitchen table and read a book again about living with mutation, and that's OK. Jimmy Carter is a good man, and he doesn't need all that. (7:00)
Thank you for watching this episode of Games With Hank, Jimmy Carter's gonna go to bed, Bill Clinton's gonna keep swimming -- no, he's gonna eat dinner.
The game has been Sims 3, I have been the Hank, this is Games with Hank, thanks for watching, and DFTBA.