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The final part of the super intense Green brothers' Let's Play!

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Edited by Tim Thomas


Both: Whoa, whoa, whoa!
John: Slow down, cowboy.
Hank: Stop with the fighting, we're friends.
Hank: Ah, crap.
John: What?
Hank: I don't know, but. The record stopped.

 Race 1 (0:09)

Hank: Okay, eh, we had a little technical difficulty, but everything's fine.
John: I don't know how long we were gone for, but we're back, I am in excellent position.
Hank: He's doing well! Eugh! Not-- not, maybe, the best time to pause, but...
John: It all worked out.
Hank: Your door...
John: My door's not on--
Hank: It's off.
John: It's also not off. 
Hank: (Laughs)
John: You know? It's like in that, uh, it's-- that's what-- that's what students of religion and philosophy call liminal space. Whoo!
Hank: They just cleared themselves out hard. 
John: My door is in a liminal space.
Hank: You are now in 4th place.
John: 4th place, that's right. I would take a top 5, I'd consider that a moral victory.
Hank: You've got (?)(~:45)! You're in 3rd.
John: I'm in 3rd, alright, and I finally got rid of that stupid door that was causing me so many problems, too.
Hank: No--
Both: It's still there.
John: Just kidding. Door's back in the game.
Hank: That's a lot of-- that's a lot of burned down wrecks there.
John: I know.
Hank: So, your door is still in a liminal space.
John: Whoo! I gotta dodge that.
Hank: That car was on super-fire. And-- oh, there's some serious, serious carnage here.
John: Guys, guys, guys, I'm trying to win a race here!
Hank: Oh, God, this is not what you wanted, that's not-- you do not want to be pushin'-- pushin' people down that. You're still in 3rd.
John: I'm suddenly in 8th.
Hank: You're still in 3rd.
John: Oh, no, it's 8th lap.
Hank: Yeah.
John: I think that's the guy--
Both: Oooooh!
John: Surviving!
Hank: I don't know how you came out of that so good, but you came out of that pretty good
John: Now I'm in 4th though.
Hank: Yeah.
John: I lost a spot. I really wanted to finish on the podium.
Hank: Oh, stop, stop, stop!
John: Me, or him?
Hank: Oh, him! Gah, stop pushin' it, dude! You do not need to push him right now. Oh--
John: You're making nothing but bad things happen.
Both: There we go.
Hank: Oh, that was bad for both of you. Why didn't he know that? Wow, that, that was quite a trip for that little car.
John: Wow, I can't believe we can't do more that 10 laps, this would be so fun the last two laps.
Hank: I know! 'Cause it all clears out a little bit.
John: Whoo!
Hank: Why did you crash (forward?)?
John: I know, not my best work. I'm excited and nervous.
Hank: It's 9 of 10, you might-- you might end up on the podium, my brotha. Maybe if-- I don't know, how--
John: Podium finish!
Hank: Is this guy in the running right now?
John: I don't know. I don't know. He doesn't look good.
Hank: This guy here? He does not look good.
John: He's going fast.
Hank: He's going surprisingly fast, considering he doesn't appear to have a front wheel.
John: Eh, it's optional in this game.
Hank: Aww, you really wanted a collision there.
John: I didn't want a collision.
Hank: Well, you wanted them to collide.
John: Yes, that would be great.
Hank: Well, I don't think these are the top 3 people, here, that you're about to pass--
John: No.
Hank: --but if you could pass them, the end--  the finish line is right there.
John: Oh, I finished 3rd! Ah!
Hank: Well done, John.
John: The podium finish!
Hank: I mean, it's-- it's a victory to finish at all.
John: It's intense. It was fun.
Hank: Yeah.
John: I'm gonna do it again.

 Intro (2:47)

Hank: --Yes. Hello, and welcome to Games with Hank! I'm Hank, this is also Hank-- this is the Hank version of John. John is here on Games with Hank, being Hank, and he is about to start playing Wreckfest, and doesn't know how to push the record button, which I just did, right as he started the game.

 Race 2 (2:59)

Hank: Last time, John got in 3rd place here on the-- the figure 8 track--
John: I was the heaviest hitter, no one mentioned that.
Hank: Yeah.
John: I was-- I won $50 for heaviest hitting.
Hank: He dealt the most damage of any car.
John: I will say, at the expense of my vehicle.
Hank: Well, yeah, but now it's all better.
John: There is more that $50 of damage to my vehicle.
Hank: Look at-- it looks fine now.
-- (3:15)
Hank:Well, you forgot all the lessons I taught you.
John: Stick with the crowd... and have fun!
Hank: (Laughs)
John: Alright. I'm restarting.

 Race 3 (3:23)

Hank: Wow, careful up here, there's--
John: It's easy, it's easy just stay on the inside and then-- this is the exact opposite of how racecar drivers make turns, by the way: outside-- inside to outside. That's-- that's exactly wrong.
-- (3:35)
John: It's amazing how much damage these fake cars can take.
Hank: (?) look at that (?)
John: I'm really not going as fast as I'd like to be.
Hank: I think you may have lost a tire.
John: Uh-- (laughs) Well, I mean if that doesn't kill me, what will? Well, It didn't kill me. Alright, lets see if I can go into rewind.
Hank: See, I don't-- I don't think so.
John: Yeah, I'm fine. You're freaking out for no reason, I've--
Hank: Well, you caused some damage to that car.
John: Come on. I'm going down in a blaze of glory! Yeah!
Hank: (?)(~4:03) sandwiched.
John: How am I still?
Hank: I don't know.
John: Come on!
Hank: (?)(~4:06) the same it's done to every single car.
John: You! You are the one! You! God, I can't die!
Hank: (Laughs)
John: Oh, man, it's like Tuck Everlasting! - Surely! Surely someone-- someone take me out of my misery! - There we go!

 Race 4 (4:25)

Hank: Alright, John. This time. This is the one.
John; This is the one, we just gotta stay with the crowd for a little while, lets not get too aggressive, nothing crazy--
Hank: That was (laughs) gonna be bad.

 Race 5 (4:34)

John: Alright. This is the one where I finish first, stun the world, it's gonna be beautiful.
Hank: Alright, now you just gotta-- now you just gotta drive smart, John, you've--
John: I just gotta not (?)(~4:43)
Hank: 3rd lap and you are in second, so you just gotta drive sm-- ahh!
John: Oh! Oh, no!
Hank: Okay, you're okay-- no, just-- just-- just-- why are you going backwards?
John: I was scared, I wanted to get to the corner because I don't-- I can't get hit there again.
Hank: Oh, no, he's just going as fast as he can--
John: I can't get hit there again. Oh, totally t-boned.
Hank: Yeah, you are. Oh, God, just--
John: Back off me, bro!
Hank: What are you even doing?
John: Yeah, what is your-- what's your endgame?
Hank: Oh my god, 9th, 9th, John, oh, 10th, oh, 11th-- Turn around! Why are you turning in that direction?! You-- go forward!
John: I'm upset, I'm confused, I'm disoriented, I'm j-- I'm clearly concussed, I mean you can't take a hit like that--
Hank: Oh, no.
John: --and not be pretty seriously injured.
-- (5:30)
John: I can't take any more hits to my right front end-- right there. That's where I can't take any more hits.
Hank: You've also, I think, uh, I'm not sure if you've got a tire? Up there?
John: Oh, yeah.
Hank: Not sure. You've definitely got... You're definitely not going to complete this race.
John: Not-- well. Strong disagree.
-- (5:47)
Hank: You just exploded.
John: (Laughs)

 Race 6 (5:50)

John: Just one more time.
Hank: Okay, one more time.
John: This is actually the last one. Unless it's not a good one.
Hank: (Laughs) This is the last one. Unless I don't finish first.
John: Yeah, exactly. You nailed it, buddy. Okay, that's my-- that's my plan, stay in the back and don't get (?)(~6:06).
Hank: Nice, good... Be more conservative...
John: Yeah, just like (?)(~6:12)
Hank: Let them destroy each other...
John: Let-- yeah, let these guys-- these guys could get crazy.
Hank: Yeah.
John: (?)(~6:17) are just plain old crazy. I don't-- Your crazy is not my issue.
Hank: The funny thing about the figure 8 is, I a little bit want you to make it, I also, a little bit, want just absolute destruction.
John: Right.
Hank: That was a good-- I also just -- I like when destruction happens right in front of you.
John: Yeah, that was beautiful.
-- (6:39)
Hank: This is a really interesting dent. I've never seen a car get dented in the way that your car is dented
John: One of the things I like about this game is, like, the real, like, the fancy, fascinating dent we get.
Hank: It is really, really exceptional dent work.
-- (6:50)
Hank: Stop crashing into that same wreck every time.
John: Aww. Must I? But how else will I get t-boned by this...  noodle?
Hank: (Laughs)
John: Oh, God.
Hank: Get him! Get him, go get him! What is your car made of???
John: (Laughing) I have so little car left! I'd like to restart the car.
Both: (Laughing)
Hank: Go! Go! Move! Move!
Both: You can do it! 
Hank: We're gonna finish this race, we just have to get 10-- we have 3 more laps, at 20 miles per hour! It'll be fine!
John: Is that how fast I'm going?
Hank: Yeah. 44, suddenly.
John: Can I-- because I just got hit in my rear. Can I-- It's like more of a motorcycle than a car.
Both: Aww.
John: That's not cool, man! Alright, just one more time.
-- (7:34)
Hank: (?)
John: Just going around the outside, as you do.
Hank: Oh, yeah. Oh, no! Oh no. Restart. Reset.
John: Reset car.
Hank: 4th, though. Wow. Good thing everybody just flew right through you.
John: It was a huge relief because I would have been dead.
Hank: I'm not sure if this can (?)(~7:57)
John: Am I almost dead anywhere? Just so I can try to really (?)(~7:59)
Hank: Um, your front left is worse, but it's really all pretty bad.
John: Mhm. How was that? Did that make things better, or worse?
Hank: I made it-- mm, it didn't actually change it that much.
John: Did anything get, like, repaired in that process?
Hank: (Laughs) Did the dent-- did the dent go back in shape?
-- (8:17)
Hank: Oooh! You are still 4th.
Both: Wow!
Hank: That thing was so narrow!
John: And things are gonna slow down for me a little bit, um...
Hank: (Laughing) You can't go?
John: Well, I mean--
Hank: Try resetting, you might be stuck on something.
John: Lets just-- lets just-- lets just enjoy the car for a moment.
Hank: (Laughs)
John: I mean, the ra-- the race is almost over. I'll go ahead and reset, but... I think it's just--
Hank: Ohh, your 10th lap! 10th lap and you died! You can't move.
John: Well, I'm not dead. I'm not dead. I'm not dead.
Hank: Did that car just drive through you?
John: I can go a little bit backwards.
Both: (Laugh)
-- (8:57)
John: Is there any way that this game could end? Like, could the winner finish?
Hank: Uh, I think you-- I think the-- I don't know, I think probably--
John: I finished one lap down once, so I know it's possible. Come on.
Hank: I don't know what-- I don't know what you're planning on having happen. You are moving a very little bit.
John: (Laughing) Yeah, right now my plan is to finish the race.
Hank: Somebody come along and hit your car (?)(~9:21)
John: My plan is for the guy who's in first to finish while my car is still technically moving.
Hank: Instead of driving across the edge.
John: That's perfect, come on, help me! Help me, guys! Come on, Help me, guys! Help me!
Hank: This guy's car's in just as bad as shape as yours.
John: Come on, guys-- yeah! Yeah! Help me finish! Yes! Take me to the end! Push me across the finish line!
Hank: Please, Jeff!
John: Come on! Come on! Yes!
Hank: Why is he doing this?
John: 'Cause he loves me! It's like a great moment in the Olympics, you know? When that guy is injured but his dad comes out and, like, carries him to the finish line. This is gonna happen, Hank!
Hank: I don't think that that's the end.
John: This is gonna happen!
Hank: I think the game has another little bit of ra-- oh, I think he figured out he needs to reverse.
Both: Ahh!
John: Man, why'd you have to do that? Now I gotta try to get back into traffic again! Not giving up. I'm not giving up. It's not the finish line. I'm in 6th!
Hank: I think you're gonna have to come all the way around again.
John: Hank, I am in 6th!
Hank: You are in 6th, which is pretty remarkable.
John: I should be able to win this match!
Hank: I don't really understand how you're in stasis. It might be the dent in the back right.
John: I mean-- (laughing) can I try to reset the car?
Hank: Yeah, you could try that. They're all going so slow now. They're not even (?)(~10:37)
John: I think it's because they're celebrating having won.
Hank: Oh, okay, is that it?
John: I think so. Ahh.
Hank: Are there really only 6 cars not busted, John?
John: Come on.
Hank: I don't know, man. I don't know how you're in 6th right now.
John: First off, if you're under the impression that at some point I'm going to give up, you are incorrect.
-- (10:56)
Hank: And, unfortunately, that is not a finish line.
John: That's fine! That's fine, Hank.
Hank: If only that was a finish line.
John: I mean, I'm in a great position to get hit, though.
Hank: That's the finish line right there. You need to get it-- ahh.
John: 15th! I finished!
Hank: I don't know how you-- I don't know how you've maintained your 6th position, after sitting in the same spot on the track for 20 minutes. Wow. Well, John, that was... weird.

 Outro (11:23)

Hank: Thanks for joining me here on Games with Hank for this episode of, uh, Wreckfest. The game has been Wreckfest, and the Hank has been John, and DFTBA.