Good morning, Hank, it's Friday. So today's video was going to be about this Nerdfighter gathering on Sunday at five pm in Chicago before the Beckoning of Lovely thing, more info up there if you're interested (points up). And about how people with social anxiety who choose to spend all of their time in their basement writing stories and talking into a video camera can sometimes be very uncomfortable with (gives a weird look) hugging and ... pictures and stuff.

But then (really high pitched voice that's really, really faster. Faster than Hank.) GUESS WHAT CAME IN THE MAIL GUESS WHAT CAME IN THE MAIL? DID YOU GUESS THAT IT'S THE GIGANTIC DICTIONARY OF THE LAST WORDS OF FAMOUS PEOPLE BECAUSE IF NOT YOU GUESSED WRONG OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GO-O-O-OD! I'm shy in real life, but when I'm in my basement alone with the video camera on I ... sometimes geek out.

That's right, Hank, someone has written a six hundred seventy-one paged book containing more than three thousand people's last words. Hank, as you know, the narrator of Looking for Alaska - my first book - is obsessed with the last words of famous people, an obsession that I share. In fact, I don't wanna brag, but I'm mentioned in this book: "Rabelais's last words took on wider popularity and discussion when they were prominently used in John Green's 2006 Printz Award winning novel, Looking For Alaska."

I mean, Hank, this book contains all the last words I've never known but wanted to know, like the actor Douglas Fairbanks, he was asked how he was feeling, and his last words were: "I've never felt better."

And, Hank, I've always wanted to know William Faulkner's last words, the brilliant Southern novelist who I grew up admiring so much, it turns out his last words aren't famous because they're boring. He said "Yes, Jim, I will," to his brother-in-law in a conversation about getting picked up from the hospital. Right, terrible last words, but Faulkner did write the best resignation letter ever. He resigned from the United States Postal Service in 1924, and I'm swear I'm not making this up, with the following letter:

"As long as I live under the Capitalistic system, I expect to be influenced by the demands of moneyed people, but I will be damned if I propose to be at the beck and call of every itinerant scoundrel who has two cents to invest in a postage stamp. This, sir, is my resignation." Signed William Boss Faulkner.

Ben Franklin's last words: "A dying man can do nothing easy."

The British composer Josh Field, when asked whether he was a Catholic or a Calvinist, said: "I'm a pianist."

The last words of American president Millard Fillmore which I quoted in Looking For Alaska as being "The nourishment is palatable," wherein fact "The nourishment is palpable."

The physicist Richard Feynman: "This dying is boring."

Department store owner Marshall Field II: "What are my chances of recovery, doctor?" I mean, in retrospect... zero.

The poet Robert Frost: "I feel as though I were in my last hours."

And that's just a selection in the F's, Hank. (serious face) There are twenty-five other letters represented in this remarkable collection of the last words of famous people. I'm not going to lie to you, Hank, last night I stayed up 'til three in the morning reading this.

I mean, don't get me wrong, Hank, I enjoyed the Hunger Games trilogy but did it keep me on the edge of my seat like Last Words of Notable People? No way! Sarah kept saying "Turn off the light," and I would be like "Sarah, did you know that the last words of Archimedes were: 'Wait until I've finished my problem.'?"

Okay, Hank, I'm going to go back to reading because I just got to the G's and I can't wait to find out what Goethe's last words were. But Nerdfighters, I have a question for you on the topic of what this video was going to be about: Have you ever met Hank or me in real life? And, if so, please give me an honest appraisal of that experience. Like, were you disappointed that in real life we are so poorly edited, or was our general weirdness kind of off-putting, or did you have fun, and-and would you do it again? Uh, let us know.

Uh, I a-actually skipped ahead and found out the last words of Goethe. He said: "More light!"

Hank, I'll see ya on Monday.