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Last sync:2023-05-12 21:30
In which Hank returns to his home state only to find that he likes it more than he thought he would. But why?


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A Bunny
( - -)
((') (')
Good morning, John. I woke up this morning at nine o'clock. This is me looking at myself in the view screen and thinking, "My hair is a bird. Your argument is invalid." Then I went for a run, and then looked at some fish, and then because it was so fracking hot and humid, I jumped into a pool.

I'm in Florida. It's very hot everywhere the air isn't "conditioned."

(Hank: Blow your frigid air of sweet salvation.)

And because the inside is so preferable to the outside, no one is outside. Everyone's stuck in their four thousand cubic foot SUVs. And that includes me. The people at Enterprise Rent-A-Car excitedly announced that I was getting a "quadruple upgrade" to a "real big truck." It is indeed "real big," though in Montana we don't call something a truck unless you can throw a bull elk in the back of it. I'd call this thing a boat before I called it a truck.

I lived here most of my life, and then having moved away, realized that there were a lot of things wrong with it. Now I'm realizing that I kind of had a rather selective, negative memory about this place. Yes, it is unnecessarily hot. Yes, the sun is ridiculously bright.

(Hank: Can somebody turn this down?)

The cars are big, and you need to have one all the time to get anywhere. All the cups are made of Styrofoam, and the fire ants... Yeah, the fire ants are bad. You should not go poke fire ant mounds because...well...

(Hank: Ow, mother - )

Yeah. Okay, I got stung, but I can't really say I didn't deserve that one. But there are also things I love. Sweet tea, Waffle House, and that giant, insane sun breeds a humongous variety of life that we just can't compare with in Montana. And sure, the humidity will suck away your will to live, but sometimes it's nice to have a reason to jump into a giant pool of water.

But now that the sun is going down, and the temperature is approaching...bearable, at least, I realized that the reason that I feel like I miss Florida now isn't because I miss Florida, it's because I miss the reason that I'm here right now, and I'm here to watch a friend get married. And so, of course all of my old college friends from Florida are also here to watch my friend get married. It's a reunion of sorts. Several people who I haven't seen in almost ten years - which is how long it has been since I graduated from college, which is extraordinarily upsetting.

Most of the best reasons to love a place are people. And when I walked out of the Tallahassee regional airport, and the thick, hot air was blowing through the palm trees, the thing I think about first isn't the traffic or the sprawl - it's actually the reason I had to walk away from the pool, because I didn't want my friends to hear me get all sappy about this stuff - but the reason that I love Florida is because of the people who I loved when I was here. And who of course I will keep on loving forever.

John, I'll see you on Wednesday.

(Katherine: And the fries are tiny too.

Hank: The fries are tiny, they're Steak 'n Shake fries.

Friend 2: The fries have not changed at all.

Hank: *proceeds to shove an entire tiny cheeseburger into his mouth*

Friend 2: Oh, oh, he did it, wow. That was two bites

Hank: *shakes his head*

Friend 2: There was lip compression.

Hank: *laughs*

Katherine: Don't die, honey.

Friend 2: Like a snake swallowing an egg.)