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Last sync:2023-01-20 08:15
Portland Show 3/25: Tickets here:
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In which Hank rambles on the floor of a hotel room.

Mike Phirman

Paul and Storm


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A Bunny
( - -)
((') (')
Good morning John; I'm in Seattle and if you don't believe me, there's a Space Needle out the window. Come on camera. Why does it just look white? Why is it, oop, there ya go! There ya go, there's a Space Needle.

Now you have to adjust to me again, but that took no time at all. What? Strange camera, I do not understand you. On my last video there was somebody who was like "Hank you need to set your aperture settings to different ones so that you are less blurry when you move in and away from the camera!" and I said "Oh I shall do that!" and then I did try. I couldn't find the settings.

I am currently on a tiny mini tour of the Pacific Northwest with Paul and Storm (Storm: "I can talk to a camera and drive at the same time, which can be amusing. Paul is not driving, which is amusing as well." Paul: "I am not driving. Do you find me amusing?") and Mike Phirman (Mike: "Excuse me I'm just adjusting my nut-sack. What! Haha it's a pun and a prop!").

During the sound-check for me, which, I know now because I am a muu-musician, professionally, you get up on stage and you play the guitar and you sing a song and I was singing "I'm Gonna Kill You".
"I'm gonna kill you and all your loud ass friends too!" And so they apparently need a lot of sound check, usually its just like duh-duh-duh-duh, sing-sing-sing-sing, and it's over, but they're pretty pro at the place we were at last night. And when I say last night I mean two nights ago if you're watching this on Friday. And Jason Finn, who is the drummer for "The Presidents of the United States of America" which is a band that I totally geeked out about when I was in high school, starts playing the drums to "I'm Gonna Kill You" and I'm like, "Oh god Hank! Don't screw up! Stay at the same tempo, please don't mess up; he's playing along, just play! Just play!" And then Paul of "Paul and Storm" is like "This is pretty easy, it's just the same three chords over and over again" and he starts playin' it on the piano! And I'm like "Okay! Sound-check has turned into dreams coming true! Excellent!"

So now it is Thursday; I'm doing this video today because this Friday is another show day in Portland, Oregon! Are you from Portland, Oregon? Are you not going to be at my show? That is ridiculous! (Paul: "Links are in the Doobly-Doo.")

John, I'll be honest with you for a second, I am ashamed that I make money from advertising because I believe that advertising is a little bit evil. It feels that often, advertising is there to, uh, lie to us and make us do things that we otherwise would not. But it's not to say that I think all advertising is bad; I mean sometimes we should do things that we don't want to do, and sometimes its just about making us spend money on one thing instead of another thing. Yeaghaghagh, I'm sure it's not all evil.

I apologize to the people of Nerdfighteria, but I am not going to turn off advertisements on these videos because otherwise, I could not make these videos. And I believe that the good entertainment of these videos is outweighing whatever damage the advertiser is doing to your brain. And to my brain of course, I also see Geico offering me up to 15% or more off on my car insurance. Up to 15% or more! Up to! 15%! Or more! You could not create a more non-specific statement!

And then there's these new Toyota commercials - I believe that these are very evil - in which this ridiculous looking child is making his dad feel guilty about having an old car. The kid is like "I can't believe I have to be seen in such an ugly thing!" Was that over the top? Was that - I think that was over the top. The moral of the story of course being you, as a father, should be ashamed for being poor and/or being fiscally responsible. Y'know what Toyota? Eat it! And I'm pointing to a corn dog, it's, it's just off frame. Okay I'm feeling a little bit better now,you're seeing advertisements, but I'm making fun of advertisements too, so it's cool!

So I hope that you enjoyed this video of me rambling on the floor of a hotel; I am in fact on the floor. Here I am. I'm on the floor, hello.

People of Portland, I will see you on Friday. John, I will see you on Monday!