Hello and welcome to Hankgames without Hank. My name is John Green. I'm the manager of the AFC Wimbledon Wimbly Womblys and look where history has taken us. It's to Rome, ladies and gentlemen, where we play in a modern day Colosseum called the Stadia Olimpico, or something.

(0:15) Today, we are taking on mighty Roma in the Euro League. We advanced out of the group stages but in second place, so we've gotta take on Roma. It's a little scary. I mean, obviously they're a lot better than we are. A lot of them appear to have stubble, some kind of beards. That's intimidating. They're very masculine looking. Don't worry, I think we've got Glédson, or Seb Brown, in goal.

(0:40) Ah, we're starting today- I'm gonna be honest with you, we want to focus on the league. I've said that before and I'm gonna stick with it. Um, our focus is on getting out of league one, getting to the championship. So we're starting, uh, these boots were made for Strutton and um, and green eggs and Foderingham. I'm sorry I just saw they have Gervinho and Michael Bradley on their team and my voice caught a little bit because I feel, I feel afraid. They also have De Rossi! Jeez Louise.

(1:07) Okay, um- but, we have Seb Brown in goal, and he's great. And we've got John Green and John Green on the bench in case something good happens. We really want to minimize, um- this is our away leg, its a home-and-away thing, so if we can just kinda minimize the damage, maybe we can, maybe we can get lucky when we bring 'em to Wimbly Lane. We'll have to see here how we do.

(1:30) Today I am going to take a quiz in which I try to remember the names of as many Swoodilypoopers as possible, um, since we're talking about history today... Uh, as many members of the Swindon Town Swoodilypoopers as I can, in three minutes.

(1:44) Umm, oh that's a nice ball, that's a nice ball! Gah, it's just not quite that fast. Umm, so it's gonna be an interesting thing. I'm gonna have to remember what life was like before I was the manager of the AFC Wimbledon Wimbly Womblys, back when I was the manager- oh! Off the post, are you kidding? Oh and then green eggs and Sheringham inexplicably doesn't get to the ball.

(2:07) Um, I'm gonna have to try to remember while playing FIFA uh with- with my current team, what my old team looked like. This is gonna be a weird challenge. You can also take the quiz, there's a uh-link in the doobly-doo. You're probably better at it than I am. Oh my god, you guys gotta get in the air, show some commitment!

(2:24) Wimbly Womblys though, starting off strong against mighty Rome! Oh, man. I just got absolute schnoggled.

(2:30) Alright, Meredith, are you ready to hit the start? Three, two, o- it's already going? Wait! Reload it! I'm not ready!

(2:37) Oh, oh, oh, oh, ohhhhhh! Ahhhh. Three, two, one, start! Bald John Green. Other John Green. Voluptuous Péricard. I'm gonna start with just goal-scorers. Stone Cold Cteve with a C Austin. Leroy Williamson, who scored occasionally. Um... D. Mother Flipping Fox. Um... Ginger Rampage! Um... Ah, who else- who else used to- who was that other center back?! Who was the guy who scored with Ginger Rampage all the time?! He had a song! Ohhh. Now- now I'm feeling panicked!

(3:20) Uh, S. Holden Goalfield. Um... Uh... Ginger - I'm trying to remember the name of that other ginger who was- who played in the back for us sometimes. Oh, um, One size Fitz Hall, of course! Um... Ahhh. Who was that other? This ginger name is killing me. Um. You know it? Just tell it to me! Andy Rooney! Thank you! God, it was killing me. I just feel so much better.

(3:51) (sings) Andy Rooney, Andy Rooney, Andy Rooney has a soul. (talks) Yeah, he was a laner. He didn't show up on the quiz? Great. I did all that work and he's not even there. Um... Yeah. D. Fox, uh... Who else- who else- who played in midfield? Who, like- oh, what was that guy who always scored from the wings? Ahhh. Ah, this is killing me! Meredith, can you think of any others? (pause) This is really hurting me - my inability to remember these names. All of these- all of these great players who meant so much to me for so long, now lost to history! Ohhh.

(4:30) Oh, oh, oh! Fat Lucas! Erm. L. Campunccino! Um... Um... Who was that other goalkeeper? Oh... L. Campunccino's saves were intense, I remember. But then we replaced him with a better goalkeeper. I almost just scored there, out of nothing. Um... What was his name?! Oh! This is- this is a torture! Once you know- once you say the names, it's just gonna be- it's just gonna be brutal for me.

(4:59) But I- I- listen, I'm married to the Wimbly Womblys now. You know? Like, I- I've focused all of my attention on them. I know their names! 100% of them. Um... Ah, who was our keeper, other than Fat Lucas? Starting with an S?! Seb Brown?! Are you thinking of Seb Brown, who saved two penalties against Luton Town to send us into the Football League?!

(5:21) Um... Oh, Meredith, is our three minutes over? This is torture! We're only half-way there?! This has been going on forever! Why did C. Arthur- just because he's an elderly gentleman? He's Bea Arthur's brother? Um, C. Arthur got a yellow card for being incredibly good-looking and strong and tough, and playing the game with heart and soul.

(5:41) Ohhh, man. Who- I cannot believe that I can't think of any other Swoodilypoopers right now. But I think it's because- I think it's because of the pressure. I mean... There was Fat Lucas in the back. We had so many other defenders who I haven't named. And then I've hardly named anyone from our midfield, except for Leroy Williamson and S. Holden Goalfield. Um... I think I've gotten all the major strikers, with Voluptuous Péricard, John Green, John Green and Stone Cold Cteve with a C Austin. I don't think there was anybody else, really.

(6:13) Um... Who- who played in midfield though? Who was like the- who was the driving midfield force? I don't remember! Do you remember? No one remembers! Ohhh, how the past is lost to us! Oh, how we suffer alone, in a vacuum.

(6:32) I can't believe that I can't remember- who was that guy on the wing who always scored goals? Who was like a winger? And he scored a ton of goals, in like, third and fourth year Swoodilypoopers. Like- ah! He scored so many goals, he had a great song... Ahhh, I don't remember anything! I don't remember anything!

(6:54) This is- how many did I get, like five?! Ten! I don't even- I can't even feel the starting eleven! Bunsen- Ricardo Bunsen Berna! How did I remember Ricardo Bunsen- how did I forget you, Ricardo Bunsen Berna?! It's partly Meredith's fault for thinking it started with an S.

(7:14) Uh, who else? Merrick Maric, silent but deadly! Oh, French- that's who I was thinking of! French the Lalalalalalalana, who, by the way Meredith, is probably going to go to Brazil as a member of the English national team in real life. Like, the real life French the Lalalalalana became an incredibly good player. Um, it's a crazy story. Um, but yeah. French the Lalalalana, of course!

(7:42) Who else? Twice as Weiss! Ahhh! Beef Stock! How did I forget Beef Stock?! Urgh. D. McGoldrilocks. Ohhh, man. How did I forget D. McGoldrilocks?! I mean, really, D. McGoldrilocks... I don't even remember his song, but I know it was hilarious! Um... Wasn't it like, uh... I don't know. I can't remember. It was a great song though.

(8:13) Oh, that's a nice ball! Oh, the boys just can't quite get through there. Uh, a little bit lacking in- in attacking quality, without the John Greens, it's gotta be said. If we can hold on to both John Greens in next year's- in the transfer- in the beginning of next season, which, it's not at all clear to me that we can, but if we can...

(8:31) Um, we're building up quite the war chest. And we're going to spend that war chest on um, on a striker. Because we desperately need one. We just- we need- we need- nothing against Green Eggs and Sheringham and These Boots were made for Strutton, because they've both got Wimbly Wombly hearts, but... We need somebody who can really- who can really score.

(8:50) It's Kaz! It's Kaz! Cut back, Kaz! Into the box, Kazzy! Kazzy, Kazzy! No. No. Hmm. And that's not good.

(8:58) Any others, Meredith, that I forgot? (sighs deeply) D. McGoldrilocks - that's devastating to me. Hakuna Zapata?! Huh? Basanta Claus?! He was a great defender for us, for a few years, Basanta Claus. Um... Really, really a credit- a credit to the Swoodilypooper- to the Swoodilypooper batch.

(9:18) But um, you know what it reminds me of? And nothing against Basanta Claus or any of those guys, but with the exception of Leroy Williamson and a few of the others, I am- I already love the Wimbly Womblys more. Um... There's just something about them. It's because- it's because the club is owned by us, the fan! That's what it is, I think. It's just- you know, it's truly a community club. Um... And that's something very special.

(9:42) We are just absolutely dominating the game, by the way. What are you doing, Seb Brown?! That was- that was a little bit crazy. I mean, I know that we're dominating, but we are playing Roma, so...

(9:53) Um, anyone else, Meredith? Nice ball, nice ball, nice ball, nice ball! Ohhh. Oh, Boots Welinton! There will be Flood! Ahhh! So many names from years past. Wonderful, wonderful memories of there will be Flood and Boots Welinton and... oh, those were the days! Now I'm feeling a little nostalgic. Now it's working on me - something about there will be Flood really- oh my, God. It's just that, I can get it into the box - context is everything - but I can't seem to finish. Context is still everything.

(10:28) Um, devastating. Devastating, Meredith. Absolutely devastating that I can't remember more Swoodilypoopers. It says something about the way time works on you, doesn't it?

(10:37) We're gonna bring in uh, we're gonna make three substitutions here in the last seven minutes, because that's what the pros do. Oh, look at- look how exhausted the Gaulden child is! He can barely go on. Helpfully, I have absolutely no center backs to replace him with, except Less Moore. And then I'm gonna uh, also take out Francombstein. And then I'm gonna take out These Boots were made for Strutton, and I'm gonna bring on... Which John Green is the John Green I wanna bring on? I guess I'll bring on left John Green, since that's the substitution I can make.

(11:11) Okay! Here we go. We're gonna give it seven minutes of a real try to win the game, But frankly, a nil-nil draw away from home- look at all those Wimbly Wombly supporters, by the way! Thank you for coming to Rome! I hope you enjoy your visit! A nil-nil draw, you've gotta say, um, would be a huge victory, because that means we can go home, um... There is the away goals rule, so we couldn't draw with them - we couldn't have like a one-one draw or a two-one draw, but basically we would go home only needing to win.

(11:39) Oh, God! Seb had it. Um, yeah, going home only needing to win would be- that would be amazing. But! What would be even better is if we can go home with an away goal. So I'm gonna try to score here. Oh, he's offside! As he always is.

(11:54) Any others, Meredith, that I- that might be- those are the main ones? Who are some of the obscure ones I forgot? I feel bad! I remember J. Douglas. I do. I remember him now, but I didn't remember him until you mentioned him. Escargot, remember? Yeah, S. Carr, we called him Escargot. That was great. I called him S. Carr for so long before someone pointed out to me that I could call him Escargot, and I was like, "ohhh, that's so obvious!"

(12:19) I feel like guys like Leonardo Moura and Kaz don't have the same level of obviousness with their nicknames. Although Basanta Claus wasn't immediately apparent to me, and that was a great nickname! It was a heroic-

(12:29) oh, oh, oh, oh, oh! Is it gonna be here in the last second?! YES! YES! Yes! Yes! It's less Moore! He scores with his left, he scores with his right! Less Moore makes his brother Some Moore look shite! Less Moore! Less Moore! Less Moore with a beautiful finish! Less Moore in the Euro Leagues. Oh, my God. Less Moore! We are going home with a one-nil lead against A.S. Roma! (sings) Are we Barça, are we Barça, are we Barça in disguise?!

(13:04) (talks) The Wimbly Womblys... The tiny little Wimbly Womblys! Oh. Oh, are we gonna just hold on for the one-nil victory over A.S. Roma, one of the most storied clubs in Europe?! Are we gonna find a way to hold on?!

(13:17) We did it! Oh, my God! Less Moore! Less Moore, with I think his first goal this season! And certainly his most important goal of his career! We are going home to Wibbly Lane with a one-nil lead against A.S. Roma in the Euro League! Best wishes!