Title: John Green reads from Will Grayson, Will Grayson

"John Green visiting new bookstore"

...very little because I don't like when authors read from their books because I can read too. So, I don't really understand the purpose of an author reading from his book when I can just read it myself. So I'm going to read a little bit, just to the part where he talks Badges's rules. So this is my, this is the new book that is published today and in which I hope that you will enjoy...

When I was little my dad used to tell me, "Will, you can pick your friends and you can pick your nose, but you can't pick your friend's nose". This seemed like a reasonably astute observation to me when I was eight, but it turns out to be incorrect on a few different levels.

To begin with, you cannot possibly pick your friends or else I never would've ended up with Tiny Cooper. Tiny Cooper is not the world's gayest person and he is not the world's largest person, but I believe he may be the world's largest person who is really really gay. And also the world's gayest person who is really really large.

Tiny has been my best friend since fifth grade except for all that semester when he was busy discovering the sheer scope of his own gayness and I was busy having an actual honest-to-god group of friends for the first time in my life, who ended up never talking to me again due to two transgressions. Number one: after some school board member got all upset about gays in the locker room, I defended Tiny Cooper's right to be both gigantic and and therefore the best member of our crappy football team's offensive line, and gay that no matter...

By the way in America as you all know I'm sure, football is a completely different sport than here. And it is a better sport here for sure but that's what we mean when we say football. I could spend this whole time talking about, I'd be very happy if we spent the rest of this time talking about nothing except for Dirk Kuyt and Wesley Sneijder and who should play upfront for Holland. And what's wrong. And how Nigel De Jong should never again play on a national team every time. We could talk about all of that. I'd be very happy to and indeed if that's where the questions go I will be delighted. I will also talk about books but Dutch football is my real passion.

"Will Grayson, Will Grayson is now in the shop!"