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In which Hank gets down and does some real portaling (despite the fact that he can still only make blue portals. Also, he says wist watch.
Hello, and welcome to "Hank Green Plays Portal 2" once again. I've made it into Test Chamber #2, and here it is. Wheatley! My buddy! Where are you? There you are. Hi. 

(0:27(Wheatley: There should be a portal device on that podium over there.) It's not there. I can see it's not there. Can't you see it's not there? It's not there. You're trying to make me fall. 'Cause I've done this before. You gonna make me do it? You gonna make me do it? I've done this before, so I know what's going to happen. You are. 

(0:57) You knew that was going to happen, you little jerk of a ball! (Wheatley: Can you see the portal gun?) No. Yes. (Wheatley: I'm going to operate under the assumption that you're still alive...) I am still alive, but I can't talk. I can only jump. Oh, moon cycles. Interesting. 

(1:29(Wheatley: See you in an hour, hopefully. If you're not dead.) I'm not dead, I keep telling you. What, that's very interesting. It's like- so he can keep track of time, almost. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12... so, full and then back around again. (singing) Weird! And then, we have on the walls the story of Portal. The story of Aperture Science. There's GLaDOS, and there's GLaDOS killing all of the scientists, and then over here we have me taking down GLaDOS and GLaDOS offering me some cake. 

(1:56) And then over here we have success! But GLaDOS is unhappy. And then we have, and then we have here, but I can't get to it, we have a giant- okay, spazzing out- a beautiful portrait of me. I think that's who that is, I think that's me. 

(2:14) I think that's me, Chell, not me, Hank, but me, Chell. Not Michelle, (singing) Michelle, ma belle. So now I move on. I did not get to do Test Chamber- where am I, what am I doing? Oh, I'm gonna walk in here. I did not get to do that test chamber, really, because I fell through it, but now I- I don't know where I'm headed, but I'm just gonna do it. 

(3:01) Ah! (Announcer: If you feel that a lethal military android has not respected your rights as entailed in the Laws of Robotics...) Well, I haven't read the Laws of Robotics. (referring to elevator) Suck it up. Okay. I was just letting that guy do his talking, and now I'm moving on. So yeah, I'm pretty sure that I'm going to have some grievances concerning androids. Just pretty sure, just my thoughts. Not positive, but they do seem to have a lot of bullets inside of them.

(3:31) So, if there were fewer bullets, I think I would have fewer grievances. That's one way to decrease android grievances. (Announcer: This next test is very dangerous.) I'll be fine. (referring to smooth jazz) Yeah. Oh yeah. Sing it, baby. Baby doll. The smooth jazz is over. We've got a cube, we've got a hole, we've gotta make that cube go through that hole. We've gotta put that cube on the thing.

(4:05) This next test was not dangerous at all. That was, like, negative danger. Is there a test chamber number on this? It looks like maybe there should be, but it didn't turn on. So I don't know what test chamber this is, but here we go. I'm cool. Let's go. This is four, so now we're in Test Chamber 4. Maybe this is still Test Chamber 4. That would explain why nothing has been dangerous yet. It will be dangerous, maybe. 

(4:33) Hey. Okay. (Announcer: Great work.) Yeah, I know, I'm pretty good at this game. Okay, broken. That's broken too. This wall, I think, should be there. Probably all of this has been cleared out by Rattmann. Yes, see? More evidence of Rattmann. Aperture food, and some gas, gas stuff. Not that there seems to be any need for power in this place. Plenty of electricity. 

(5:18) "Remember your evacuation training." I cannot read all of that stuff, except for "Service announcement." Elevator, de-elevate me. Working on 2-D Glasses a lot. I got a couple pairs of them right in front of me. Thinking about that for a lot of my time, which is too bad, because I really should be thinking more about VidCon, because that is overall a much bigger deal that I care more about. 

(5:57) (Announcer: If the Enrichment Center is currently being bombarded with fireballs, meteorites, or other objects from space, please avoid unsheltered testing areas...Well I think that- that's hilarious- okay, Test Chamber 5- I think that, generally speaking, I'm pretty safe from space debris- well, now I'm looking and I can see the outside up there. Boy, I wish I could portal to that, then I could just be out of here and not have to deal any more. There's just so much to deal with. 

(6:24) Where am I going? Okay, there's the thing here, I should push this. And that's gonna let me... okay. Hello! Hello, Cubert. Good. Couldn't I just have walked up there? Oh well, whatever. I'm sure there's a reason. So what've we got here? 'Kay, and that went straight into the pool. What does this do? Okay. Oh, nope, quick, go back up! Get back up! Yeah! 

(6:57) Blocked you. I don't know- why did I need that cube? I don't think I did. I could have just walked up here, or portaled up here, I mean. Ah, well. (Announcer: ... you are not alone.) I am alone. I am perfectly alone. (Announcer: ... low power environments of as few as 1.1 volts.) 1.1 volts? That is not enough to power anything. That's ridiculous, Aperture Science! That would not be enough to power any kind of artificial intelligence being unless it was a wist-watch. Wist-watch. Wist-watch is wrist. It's not my fault there's a "w" in that word. 

(7:46) (Announcer: If the laws of physics no longer apply in the future, god help you.) Well, I- so far the laws of physics seem unchanged. Test Chamber 6! Okay, here we go. I need to get up there, okay, good. Sorry, got myself turned around there for a second. Boop! Good, easy enough. And then you, my friend. You need to go there. 

(8:09) And then you need to come with me, I think. That's all that needs to happen, right? Okay. Let's go! Together. All right, we flew. Together, you and I. (Announcer: ... welcome.) "Welcome." That guy seems very friendly. Okay. Wee! Okay, got this. I need to get it over there, so that there? Okay. Wee again!

(8:48) Yep, that's where I was going. Good. Wasn't sure, wasn't sure if I was doing the right thing, but it appears that I was. And then, now I have to go there. And then straight down into this hole, and then I should be through this test chamber oh my goodness I am so good at this game. 

(9:05) (Announcer: Good work getting this far, future-starter! That said, if you are simple-minded, old...) "Future-starter"? (laughing) "Simple-minded." Well, I can only jump. I think I'm your man. Or lady. Whatever. I think I'm the one you want. I'm the one that you want. Shoo bop shoo walla walla. Hoo hoo hoo. 

(9:29) That's recording man. They sure were well-prepared for the apocalypse. I feel like I haven't done very much apocalypse preparation work. I've got duct tape right here, that's a good start. That's a good start for apocalypse. (ripping noise) That was me opening my duct tape. So I've got duct tape. It's not very much, I should probably have some more. 

(9:54) Why is it upside-down? (Announcer: The Enrichment Center respects your right to have questions or concerns about this policy.) (laughing) I have the right to be concerned. That's lovely. I love the double talk. Oh, hello? Hello! (Wheatley: Oh brilliant! You did find a portal gun!) I did! 

(10:20(Wheatley: Come on through.) Okay. Hello! (Wheatley: They told me never never ever to disengage myself from my management rail, or I would die.) You should do it. Come here. I'll grab you. I'll hold you. Come down! I'm ready! Sorry about the jerky. Having too much fun. Okay, ready. I'm ready! 

(10:51) (Wheatley: That's high, that's too high.) Well, you were backing up way before you said three. Test Chamber 8. (Wheatley: Let's go on "one" this time.) Okay, one. Yes. I totally got you! (Wheatley: I am not dead!) You're not dead, you're fine! (Wheatley: Plug me into that stick on the wall...) What stick on the wall- that stick on the wall! Okay.

(11:16) (Wheatley: Yeah, I can't do it if you're watching.) Okay, so Wheatley can't do it while I'm watching. So I'm gonna stare at him, and I'm gonna end this episode of "Hank Green Plays Portal 2" right here. So thank you for watching this episode of "Hank Green Plays Portal 2". I hope that you enjoyed it. I enjoyed playing it. You will not see me and I will not see you next time. There's an annotation on the top right-hand side of the video if you wanna watch the next one. Please click on that. Goodbye.

Transcript by Coignmaster