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In which Hank finally overcomes his technical difficulties and posts the first episode of his Portal 2 Let's Play. This hotel is not what it appears to be...I have been sleeping for nine nine nine nine nine, and Wheatley is kinda adorable.

Hello, and welcome to Hank Green plays Portal 2! I am very excited, I hope that you are weawaw- I hope that you are well. I was trying to say "I hope that you are as well" but I can't speak because I'm too excited about playing Portal! Okay, so this is how it begins, I'm staring into GLaDOS's cold, dead eye and it's loading surprisingly slowly, which is probably because my computer's doing about twenty-five other things right now. 

(0:32) But it's also doing this. I've had some technical difficulties with recording these screen captures, and I'm pretty sure I've got it all worked out, which is exciting! So now you will get to see me doing this and hopefully not complaining too much about the fact that my freaking computer is annoying. 

(0:53) So I have watched the intro sequence about twelve times. So I will not be surprised by anything. Here it is! The intro sequence again.

(Announcer: You have been in suspension for fifty days.) Yes. This is not interesting to me any more. Right, so I have to do this again. (laughing) Oh my god. I know how to use video games. There's the floor, I'm looking down at it. 

(1:29) I've got my bouncy boots on, hence the giant jumps. Framed painting on the wall. I'm going to look at art now. I'm staring at the art. The clock is ticking and I'm staring at the art. 

(Announcer: You should now feel mentally reinvigorated.) I do. How did you know? How did I get here? I haven't really been thinking about that. 

(2:00) But I was dragged away from GLaDOS, and now I'm in this room. I've been here for a long time. Now I can sleep. Sleep button, which I'm sure will come in handy later. Or not. You never know. 

(Announcer: You have been in suspension for... 9-9-9-9...) Yes. So now, I've been in this room for 9-9-999-9-9. The lampshade has disintegrated. That's how long I've been in this room. So that's s not a good sign. 

(2:31) If the lampshade has disintegrated, how am I alive? Look at the print I left- the gross print I left on the memory foam there. (sound of disgust) Okay. I'm gonna open the door to Wheatley. 

(Wheatley: Could be Spanish, could be Spanish. Hola, amigo.) (laughing) Could be Spanish. That's- abre la puerta. That was a horrible Spanish accent.

(2:57) Hello Wheatley.
(Announcer: Please prepare for emergency evacuation.) See, what I would like is emergency evacuation. Get me out of here. Why not? And now my hotel room is about to change it up, and now it is falling over. Hotel room earthquake. Seems like an earthquake, but it's not actually. 

(3:25(Wheatley: Can you hear me? Hello?) Yes, I can hear you. I'm good. What's up? Hey, buddy. These animations are pretty great. 

(Wheatley: ... a very minor case of serious brain damage.) Well, do I also have a minor case of, like, moldy person? 'Cause this is gross. Right. I don't think- I don't feel alarmed. 

(4:03(Wheatley: Okay, what you're doing there is jumping. You just jumped.) (laughing) It's still funny. Yes. 'Cause the game is so clever. Oh my god, it's so gross. I'm moving. The whole thing is moving. I'm gonna go over here and see what happens. I haven't tried to, like, jump out of it yet. 

(4:27) (Wheatley: You still holding on?) Still holding on. (Wheatley: The reserve power ran out, so of course the whole Relaxation Center stops waking up the bloody test subjects.) There's more than me? There's other people? It pushed me away. Okay. 

(4:52) (Wheatley: Oi, it's close. Can you see? Am I gonna make it through? Have I got enough space?) "Oi." Where are we going? This way? No, you're not going to make it through, there's no space! You're gonna run right into that thing! 

(5:05) (Wheatley: I've just gotta concentrate.) Okay, well, concentrate, I'm gonna go high. It's kind of a beautiful game. I mean, it's definitely a beautiful game. Even this wreckage and carnage is beautiful. The graphics are really amazing. Look at that down there. 

(5:32) (Wheatley: ... last time you checked, everyone looked pretty much alive, all right?) (laughing) Okay. I feel alive. I'm moving my head around, it's good. You will notice that it says "Docking station: 500 feet below." 

(Wheatley: I think this is a docking station.) 500 feet below, man. Down there. That is a wall, what you're running in to there. 

(6:00) (Wheatley: I'm gonna attempt a manual override on this wall.) Let's do it. Yes, manually using my hotel room. Override. 

(Wheatley: Remember, you're looking for a gun that makes holes.) Right. I like how he trusts that I have any ability to understand what's going on right now. 

(6:25) Hey buddy, how's it going? (Wheatley) ... at least you're a good jumper.) Yay! I can jump! Okay. Bye-bye, Wheatley. And now look at us. 

(Announcer: Hello, and again, welcome to the Aperture Science Enrichment Center.) "Again, welcome" indeed. Hey, I wanna look at this. I wanna look at it! It's, like, going through the window. 

(7:04) (Announcer: ... so that science can still be done.)  Science. For science. Yes. That was the wrong button. Uh, so, yes. The apocalypse has occurred, I'm still in here, so- a large amount of time has passed, no one will let me know how much time it has been, and now I have to prove to the world that I know how to play Portal, which I do. 

(7:40) I don't think I need all of those subtitles. Just subtitles. I pushed the wrong button. Yeah, subtitles only. Okay. 

(8:00) (Announcer: Please note the incandescent particle field across the exit... will vaporize any unauthorized equipment that passes through it.) Yes. I am authorized. Excellent. I am glad that I am authorized. And now we get to do the elevator. And we elevate downwards. This isn't really "elevation" this is more of "de-elevation". I have- it is a "de-elevator", and I am "de-elevating" into the next test chamber. And hopefully all of my audio and everything is working now, and this is actually working and I won't have to do this again. 

(8:29) Because that would make me even angrier than I am right now. Where is the sun? Is that the sun? There's plants, so there must be some sunlight getting down here. Here comes the sun do-do-do. 

(9:01) Test Chamber 1. Here you are, hello. (singing) I go through here, and I pick up the cube, and I go through here, and I put down the cube over here, and I push this- that's not it, no, I wanna push the button, thank you. Thanks for trying to come along, but I just didn't need you for that. (singing) And I put down the button, and then I push the other button, and I wish I could walk a little faster. 

(9:29) So, yeah. So far, so good, right? Oh geez, oh geez, oh geez, stop. (Announcer: ... please take a moment to write down the results of your test.) So you want me to do science on myself? I don't think that's gonna happen, buddy.

(Announcer: ... when society has been rebuilt.) I think science is over. I think society's over. I think it's all over. I don't think that there's a wonderful world up there for me to become a part of. 

(10:00) So we have gone through the first few test chambers, and this guy's gonna talk a little bit more, and then we're gonna end this episode, because... 
(Announcer: If the Earth is currently ruled by a manner of animal king, sentient cloud, or other...) A sentient cloud. He thinks maybe- they have really prepared for every eventuality with the sentient cloud thing.

(10:25) So you will not see me and I will not see you next time when I take on the next Portal test chamber, which is just through these doors, so thank you for watching. I hope this worked, and sorry that it took me so long to get a Portal 2 episode online. Goodbye. 

Transcript by Coignmaster