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Duration:03:31
Uploaded:2014-07-02
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In which many goals are scored. I recommend you turn your volume down now...

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...behave well when you - Oh it has to be! And it is! Oh! Green Eggs and Sheringham!

I am strong. You are weak. I shall... Oho! Oh oh! It's a dream beginning! Oh my gosh! Oh!
'He's big, he's tough
He has a brilliant puff,
Other John Green, Other John Green'
What a fantastic cross from Ya Ya Ya Ya Ya Bamba!

...Or I'm, you know, - Ohhhhh! Strutton!

Dohhh! Hells Pells!

...part of that process would be - Oh! Out of nothing! Hells Pells, that guy's on a role. Oh! He did the dead fish, Meredith.

That's what you thought you were going to get in a video about virginity; comparisons to paying your mortgage.

...to the detriment of it as a book. Oh! Out of nothing!

Oh! Oh what a goal! What a fantastic goal!

...of that, so. Get it, get-it-get-it-get-it-get-it oh! What a beautiful goal!

Shoot! Shoot! What part of shoot didn't you understand Goal Porter? What's your name? Goals.

Turn, shoot. Gooooal!
'Bald John Green, John Green,
He gives it all for the team.
Upon his moustache we're keen.
Bald John Green, John Green.'

That's how I hope I would react but you never know till you're in that situation. You know what I do know? Hells Pells is having the game of his life.

So art can create... It has to be. And it is!

He's fast enough! He's big enough! Goal!

That's not my best penalty. But it's good enough!

...that they will be about boys, um, and that - Oh! Frampton Comes Alive!

Oh no. We need, what about our substitutions? That's rude, Newcastle. Typical Newcastle. I don't know anything about this club. They seem nice.

...trusted in the way that my - Get it, getitgetitgetitgetit! Oohhoo!

Sainte-Luce! Goooal!

But apparently he's quite fit in real life. I don't even know what fit means but British people use it a lot.

But there are lots of them. Get it! Off the post and in! And in!
'Ya Ya Ya Ya Ya Bamba,
Ya Ya Ya Ya Ya Bamba just scored a goal,
Just scored a goal, just scored a goal.
Ya Ya Bamba (ts ts ts ts ts)
Ya Ya...'
Oh that was, that was... I missed it completely on that last one.

And we're one - nil up and what's going to happen now?! Two - nil! Two - nil! It's two - nil! Oh, and he clicked his heels! Hell yes he did!

...do that. Um, and I think - Oooh!

...that almost was a goal? It was Ya Bamba. Ya Bamba! Goal! Goal!
'Ya Ya Ya Ya Ya Bamba!'
What?!

...same club that we were in the first two halves. Apparently not! Oh, it's K. Sainte-Luce!

...treating an illness doesn't make you a bad writer. Oh! John Green.

...prison. Get the goal! Oh what a beautiful goal!

They will go to jail for twenty-five years. Did you see what just happened, Meredith? Did you see that? Those two men, um, were standing together and then they humped each other and they both fell down at the same time and now one of them is running backwards into the other one. Do you see that? He just, he just keeps... He just keeps pushing his bottom up against the other man's, um... Do you see what's happening?