Crowd: Good Morning Hank, it's Monday.

John: I woke up in London at seven.

"Ohhhhh, God."

Brushed my teeth, took a shower and walked down to this famous shopping street on the way to the Tube which had this department store that ordered me to lust for this red purse. It used to be it was enough just to want to have a handbag, but now we're so demented with the mania of owning things that you have to feel sexually attracted to your handbags. Immediately there after I got Starbucks and felt the waves of hypocrisy wash over me.

"I hate myself"

Then I was on an amazingly fast escalator and then an amazingly fast train and there's Alex Day.

Alex: You Alright?

John: And there is Charlieissocoollike who is watching Wheezy Waiter on YouTube when we arrived at their flat.

"Hi, I'm Charlie."

Then Charlie made me some of his famous tea, which tastes like a triple rainbow. And then Alex read a quiz to me from his favorite woman's weekly magazine which is called Pick Me Up, to which he has a two year subscription.

Alex: Number Five is, and this is stupid, have you ever caught Chlamydia?

John: Then we did what YouTube Nerds do when they meet in real life, we watched YouTube.

Got on the train again, and then I went to Piccadilly Circus to meet up with Ningmaster Tom, Lidewij, and Nerdfighter Tobias, to whom my half of Will Grayson, Will Grayson is dedicated. Where'd we go Tom?

Tom: Funland!

John: Funland consisted mostly of committing simulated murder. Tobias played a game, and I am not making this up, called Elevator Action Death Parade. Then we saw Leicester Square and Big Ben and this guy's head and a place where Sir Isaac Newton had lived, and a huge lion that someone had wisely covered in metal to keep him from attacking, and this busted bust of the aforementioned Isaac Newton which reminded me of the last words of an American General:

"How do I look in the face?"

Then I got to hang out with lots of Nerdfighters at a book store. They wanted to say Good Morning.

Crowd: Good Morning Hank! It's Monday!

John: Yes, so one of them had a ukulele version of your guitar, and a lot of them were in the PEN15 Club. Then my secret sister Rosie and I headed to the East End to this basement club called Ice Father Nation, where I was scheduled to read while Eddplant, Tom Milsom, and Alex Day were scheduled to play music.

Ice Father Nation isn't the sort of place that hosts a lot of book signings, and at first I was really nervous that no one was going to show up, but then I went upstairs and the line was like this and I got worried that too many people had shown up, which was in fact the case. So we ended up having to have two separate shows, one in Ice Father Nation;

Crowd: D-F-T-B-A say DFTBA! D-F-T-B-A say DFTBA!

John: And one in the waiting room upstairs. It was a totally magical night, at least for me. At one point the club's owner came up to me and said "This is the most people we've had since Mick Jagger's son played here." Admittedly, I didn't know Mick Jagger had a son, but still. Anyway, everybody wanted to say hello to you of course.

Crowd: Good Morning Hank! It's Monday!

Other Crowd: Good Morning Hank it's Monday!

John: Then I stayed up almost all night and got on a train to Edinburgh. When one is traveling, there's quite a lot of traveling involved.

Cows.

Then I was in Edinburgh with lots of made-of-awesome Nerdfighters at the top of this beautiful hill which I described with my trademark eloquence.

"It's all Scotland-y"

They wanted to say good morning. Hank sometimes I feel like my job is to go around the world and make sure that every single person who wants to say good morning to you has the opportunity to do so.

Crowd: Good Morning Hank, it's Monday!

John: It was just impossibly beautiful up there looking over the city and Songs From Paul was singing song from Paul and everything was so utterly Hogwartsian; oh and there was this thing. In Edinburgh this thing is called "the Folly" because they were trying to build a replica of the Parthenon, but then they ran out of money, so they only got this.

For some reason looking at the Folly made me think about Funland, and that purse and Newton's bust. Hank I know it doesn't feel this way all the time, but we get to choose what we care about and what we spend our resources on. We choose what, or ideally whom, to lust after. We choose what to watch, what to like, what to build, how to spend the breaths that we've been allotted. And the fact that many of our choices are unconscious: get that handbag, get that Starbucks, look at that Snooki, does not in any way make us less responsible for those choices. I'm happiest when I feel like I'm part of a community that helps me choose more intelligently, and with greater empathy. And I for one like the choices we've made this weekend, so thanks to Nerdfighteria and thanks to you Hank, I'll see you on Wednesday.

Alex: Yours forever! Less than three!