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Last sync:2023-01-08 20:30
part one:

for posterity!
on blogtv, september 26th, 2008
hank has spoonfingers
(spoon noises)

Katherine: (laughter) I like how the floor is squeaking, too.

(more spoon noises)

Katherine: (more laughter) It's really loud and scary.

Katherine: (clapping) Woo! Now do your happy dance. You can't do it.

Hank: Ow! The big pinky one, if I'm not mistaken. (karate noises) That's as good as I can do.

(spoon noises)

Katherine: Squeaky. Squeaky. Squeaky. Squeaky. Squeaky. Squeaky. Squeaky.

Hank: (singing unintelligible) I feel like a Geisha. Like I'm doing a beautiful fan dance.

Katherine: A spoon dance. Doing the spoon dance.

(spoon noises)

Katherine: Spoon fingers on ice.

Hank: Spoon fingers on ice!

Katherine: The cat's running away.

Hank: (singing to the tune of "My Favorite Things") ... favorite spoons. 

Katherine: Ow, that sounded like it hurt.

Hank: It did. I kinda knocked my knee on the ground. (singing to the tune of "My Favorite Things") When the dog bites, when the bee stings, when I'm feeling sad, I just remember my favorite spoons and then I don't feel so bad.
Except for this big one on my pinky. It kinda makes me angry.

Katherine: (laughing) Oh, I win.

Hank: I guess if I was hot I guess I could be like, "Hot!" That's one advantage of having spoon fingers.

(reading comments"

"Take it off." Are you trying to get me to get naked?

"I broke the damn!" That's not how you spell that word unless you are trying to make some kind of reference.

"Frosted beef flakes, they are more than good. They are questionable." What's that from? I like that. Ques-tion-able. It sounds like Strong Bad.

Hank: "Powdered toastman." Ow! What did you just hit me with? I just got whipped in the face by a cat toy. She's gonna get spooned!
Do you guys remember The Tick? The Tick, the cartoon? He would always say, "Spooned." That was his battle cry. "Spoo-oon."

(singing to the tune of "My Favorite Things") Then I don't feel so bad.
What? Did you say you hate vegetarians, or did you say I hate vegetarians? I don't hate vegetarians and you shouldn't. I can't scroll up because I have spoons on my fingers. 

Hank: Vegetarians aren't sad, they're wonderful. Vegetarians are wonderful things, and there should be more of them. I should be one of them, but I'm not. Knowing as much about the environment as I do, being a vegetarian starts to make lots of sense, and you have to have a pretty overwhelming desire for deliciousness to not do it. Deliciousness. We're cutting back. Spoony, spoony, spoon. 

Hank: "I wasn't actually eating meat flakes, or else I'd be more confused." It was Life, if you're actually curious. 

(unintelligible username) "After three months no meat, veggies taste better than anything." Yeah, I'll tell you what makes veggies taste really good is not eating. If you don't like broccoli, try not eating for a couple of days, and then you will freaking love it. That's my personal opinion. 

Hank: It's hot. 

Katherine: It is hot. 

Hank: I heated it up in here. 

Katherine: Heat it up. 

Hank: "Did you ever play Kingdom-" I actually- the first time I read that I though you said "Did you ever play Klingon Hearts?" and I was like "Dork!", but I saw that you said "Kingdom Hearts", which is probably pretty dorky too. 

(unintelligible username) "Hank is high on awesomeness." Kingdom Hearts, whee. 

Katherine: Is it still going? Oh my god, you still have like four minutes left on this recording. You've gotta be interesting. 

Hank: No, I- (laughing)

Katherine: Be more interesting!

Hank: I feel like I have a booger. Is that interesting enough for you? I didn't get anything. Don't put anything bigger than your elbow in your ear. Is this spoon bigger than my elbow? No. 

Katherine: (laughing) You've gotta get the pinky spoon off there. 

Hank: Nope, I didn't get that one either. 

Katherine: That's usually the one. 

Hank: Ow, my eye hurts. I'll give myself a- ooh, that's nice, a cold spoon on the eyeball. 

"Who has sent you their picture?" Great question. I can't check, 'cause I have spoons on my fingers. I can try to use my nose.

Katherine: No, no, what do you think I'm here for? 

Hank: You have to check my email, though. You know the address? The password? 

Katherine: (unintelligible)

Hank: I could, but then everyone would know. And I can't write it 'cause I have spoons on my fingers. I can point to the key on your keyboard. "Yeah, Hank, tell us the password." You know, the crazy thing is, like, I feel like if I told you the password to the "sparks fly up" email address no one would do anything wrong. Like people would go in there, but they wouldn't do anything bad. 

Katherine: Um, yeah.

Hank: But I'm not gonna do it, because there might be a Decepticon lurking somewhere in this chat. You never know. So yes- oh, is Christina here? Or do you just talk to snakes? Hi, Christian, welcome! There are spoons on my fingers. That's what we've been doing. My name is Edwin Spoonfingers. Or possible Edward, we haven't really discussed that.

Ah, how did I do that again? I lost the chat! Thank you, baby. My spoons are stuck together again. It's hard. The life of the spoon-fingered is not what's it's tracked up to be. I keep expecting, like, my old dad to walk into the room with like a pair of real hands for me, but then he has a heart attack before he can attach them to my spoon fingers, and then my spoon fingers slowly slice the reality of my what-could-have-been real hands. Emo!

Hank: You- did you get it?

Katherine: I don't know how to...

Hank: I was telling Katherine the password. I'm gonna go do it more. Sorry, indeed. Very long password. We've got seven spoon fingers pictures? Come on, people! Huh! And so, I mean, if you don't have a friend you can't do more than a- yes, videos are exceptionally- will receive extra credit, but you have to email to "sparksflyup" or I won't know to give you the access to the file. 

(dings from computer)
Hank: Wow! That's some serious spoon finger! She had like a spoon the size of, like, her head! I wish I could show you, but I can't 'cause I didn't get cam twist to work, so I'm totally failing on that front. 

(abrupt ending)
Transcript by Coignmaster