Hello and welcome to Hank Games without Hank. My game is John Green, I'm the manager of the AFC Wimbledon Wimbly Womblys today taking on Leeds United, once the heroes of Europe, one the greatest teams in England, now languishing in the second tier of professional football.

There's two ways of imagining the Championship. One is languishing outside the top flight, etc. Another is an astonishing accomplishment, which is how we as Wimbly Womblys choose to imagine it, because we were just not too long ago uhm... in League Two, and not too long before that, 9 years before that, may I remind you, we had just been formed. There were open tryouts on Wimbledon Common so that we could enter into the seventh tier of English Professional Football. And look at us now, ladies and gentleman, all the way up to the Championship, selling out stadiums. Stadia? Stadiar? Stadie...? Anyway...

As you can see we're in 12th place. It's not great, it's not where we want to be. We don't want to be in 12th. We want to be in first. Today we're starting Röcker, our new central back, as well as Buxton, our new right back, Dicko, and everyone else is the same old people that you know and love. Less Moore, Patron Saint of Lost Crosses K. Sainte-Luce, Francombstein. He's not a monster, he's a doctor who created a monster. And of course in goal Seb Brown, who saved two penalties against Luton Town, and then two penalties against Manchester City to give us the F.A. Cup, oh that feels like a long, long time ago. But, I don't know, maybe great things are gonna happen today. We're gonna try our best. We really need to win this game. 

Today I'm gonna talk about my summer jobs. I've had a lot of summer jobs, I was... you know... I guess, like, I don't know, when I was a kid it was expected that you would work as a teenager. And I liked it. I liked working. I found summer kind of boring, kind of depressing without work, so I felt lucky. I always felt lucky to have work. Uhm, so, I had a lot of summer jobs. I worked at Steak and Shake, during college, the graveyard shift. For those of you who don't know what Steak and Shake is, it's like McDonald's, but with slightly better food and you actually have a waiter. I was your waiter for a summer. I was a bad waiter, but people don't have a lot of expectations between 11 pm and 7 am so I got away with a lot. But yeah, I wasn't a particularly good... THE GAULDEN CHILD! Oh, off Bald John Green's beautiful bald head. Look at this, look at this, look at it hit Bald John Green's, oh oh oh, no no no, it hit them, it hit the other team! It's a corner kick! It's a corner kick. It went of you, Pearce-y. I know you feel regret. Can we please get a corner kick out of this? Yes! Bald John Green, into the box! OOOOHHHH! OH! Saved off the line! That's devastating. Oh man, that's tough. That's tough to take because that was a nice looking corner kick. Oh, I'm off side.

So, I liked working at Steak and Shake. I had really nice coworkers although one of them turned out to kill someone. But he hadn't killed anyone, I don't think, at the time. And I enjoyed the job. People don't tip well late at night and drunk people can be quite mean. Oh no, Seb Brown, Seb Brown! OOOOHHH! OHAHA! I'll tell you this, 4-3-3 does leave us a bit exposed at the back. It's hard to be sad when gingers score but I'm gonna find a way. DANG IT! That was a great, I mean that was a great tackle. Seb went too early in the end I think, I don't know that that was avoidable. But like again, I like the hustle, I like the way we're playing. Maybe we just have the wrong formation.  I mean, also, the other thing is that we're playing a much better level of team. And we are, at least on paper, not that much better. I know that we probably should've gotten better. Dicko is our best player other than the John Greens and maybe I should've gotten equally good defenders. They're expensive and I don't really understand the transfer market. I'm sorry. You know... Oh God. Are you kidding me? Again? Again? Again... Shmerk.. This sucks. Why are we so bad? This is big trouble for the future of the Wimbly Womblys, ladies and gentlemen. Gotta try to figure this out. We gotta try to work our way through this difficult time in our club's history. Uhm, we have the personnel to win. We do. I believe that. Go to K. Sainte-Luce. Yes. Yes Yes. K. Sainte-Luce. We always get stuck in the corner though. I don't know what's happening. K. Sainte-Luce. K. Sainte-Luce! K. Saint-Luce! Oh! OOOOOHHHHHHHH! DICKO!!! DICKO!!! I'm yelling as loud as I can, Dicko! How do you want me to be louder. Congratulations to N. Dicko on his first goal as the member of the AFC Wimbledon Wimbly Womblys! Has the comeback began, ladies and gentlemen?

I also worked at a warehouse, putting crates into trucks, like putting boxes into trucks basically. That was really good work. It was physically challenging because I'm not that strong as you may know, from having injured myself playing FIFA, but it was really fun. And I again worked with really nice people. John Green! No! Get there, get there, get there, get there... Hurry. Okay, yes. Yes. Yes. Fouled in the box! No? Okay. Yeah. Yeah. I like the way you guys are thinking. Ahh... Surely that's a foul. No? Alright. 

Um, yeah. So I worked at a warehouse for a summer. That was just like... it was good. It was physically so demanding, though. Like everyday I was just exhausted, physically exhausted at the end of the day. I found it difficult to do anything else. Um, but the work itself, it was like Tetris, you know. You got to fill up the truck completely, like floor to... How is that not... whatever. You got to fill it up floor to ceiling and it's like a fascinating challenge and opportunity. So I really liked that part of it. The actual business of, the part that wasn't like Tetris, is that I had to carry heavy boxes, which really is not my specialty. Um, but I liked... again I worked with good people there. I find that like 90% of work is who you're working with and whether you get along reasonably well with them. Okay. Go Dicko! Go Dicko! Go Dicko! Oh that's a nice cross! No it's not nice, I take it back. But don't worry, K. Sainte-Luce is on the end of it. K. Sainte-Luce. K. Sainte-Luce. K. Sainte-Luce again headed for the corner. Why is he going to the corner? I don't know if I like that strategy. It's not how we scored our first goal. K. SAINTE-OFF THE POST-LUCE! OHH that was beautiful off the post. What are you thinking? What is that about? How on earth are you gonna score from 50 yards away? K. Sainte-Luce hits the post. Dicko scores. This has been a crazy half of football. We gave up two ridiculous goals, I apologize for both of them.  

Anyway, what other summer jobs did I have? I worked for a Congresswoman, um, Congresswoman Corrine Brown in Florida as kind of an administrative intern type of person. I answered... so in the United States, you can write your Congressperson if you have a problem, you can write your Congressperson and your Congress person may or may not try to help you solve the problem, like if you need a Visa or something. It's a pretty interesting process. So I took calls from people who were upset about this legislation or that legislation. But most of my time was spent processing people's requests like if they needed student... I don't know, information about student loan relief or information about Visas for their family members who didn't live in the US, things like that. And it was pretty interesting. But there was also quite a lot of downtime in that job. I would say it was probably 35% downtime. It's no dig at Congresswoman Corrine Brown herself, although I think she might have later been, I think she left office in something of a haze of disrepute. I'm not positive about that, though, so don't take my word for it. Anyway, it was interesting work. Come on! TO YOUR HUS...!! OOHH! Dicko was almost on the end of that with almost a two goal performance, but ah man. 

Yep, so I had the Congress woman Corrine Brown job. I worked for a summer at a restaurant, a locally owned restaurant in Birmingham, Alabama called Outtakes. Oh, God what a great job that was! Which is also really interesting. They've hit the post now as well, so we're tied on that front. Um, that was an interesting job just because it was it was my first time seeing a small business up close, like seeing the actual way that an actual small business works and how people have to struggle to make it work. And the concern, in this particular business it was interesting because there was a lot of concern about how are we going to keep the doors open but it wasn't primarily about the welfare of the owner or the owner's ability to pay the rent. It was mostly about the employees. The owner of the restaurant felt an intense, intense... Some of those employees had been with him for like 20 years and he felt like they were members of his family, who he had to find ways to take care of. And the restaurant, I think it might still be open, but at the time it was going through sort of a difficult period and it was really interesting to see them, you know, struggle to keep it open, but also very inspiring to me. It taught me a lot about how to, I guess how to treat people. I was very impressed with how he treated people. Bald, Other John Green. OOHH! ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME? WHAT A SAVE! That was devastating. That was devastating to our chances of victory, but also it was a little bit devastating to our morale, you got to say. I mean, I don't know if we need new personnel, I don't know if we need a new... 4-4-2 I guess was treating us a little bit better, but we just had a goal from Dicko on the other hand, so. Never make that pass. Never pass across the box like that. That was an embarrassment to my friends and family. Let's just pass the ball to K. Sainte-Luce and see what he can do. That guy's magic. Well, maybe he'll get dispossessed immediately. Alright, let's make some substitutions. We can still win this game ladies and gentlemen. I don't know why you guys are giving up hope.  

What else did I do for summer jobs? I feel like I had a ton of them. Less Moore is exhausted, of course he is, such a hard worker! I'm gonna bring on the Gaulden Child. I'm gonna bring on Mose Vestergaard. He still hasn't really proven himself to me, but we're gonna bring him on anyway. And then I think we're gonna bring on Ya Bamba. I think we might just bring on Ya Bamba. Replace the entire midfield with heroes, well established Wimbly Wombly heroes and Mose Mose Vestergaard, who may have a good game, who knows. Maybe this is his breakout moment, Meredith. I know you don't believe in Vestergaard, but I do. I haven't given up on him. Three substitutions all at once, just like the pros do! Let's see if we can pull this off, come from behind. We were 2-nil down, if we could just come to 2... I mean 2-2 would be a victory at this point, any kind of... yeah.

I'm trying to think of what other summer jobs I had. I know I had a bunch of them. What did I do? What did I do with my time in high school and college? I never worked at Disneyworld. No, no. Everyone else did. Maybe I said I did once, but if I did I was lying. Hahahahaha. I went to Disneyworld a lot as a kid, as I've talked about before in the past. WHY DO YOU RAISE YOUR HAND IF YOU'RE OFFSIDE, JOHN GREEN? You're better than that. You're smarter than that. Alright. Are they taking off the ginger because that bodes well for us. I hope they did. I hope the ginger's been removed. Okay, we can find a way. It's the 83rd minute. Obviously it's tense, the Gaulden Child struggling with possession. He's a tiny little 8 year old boy, but he can do it. He can do it! Oh look at him, he's so little. He's so little, but he's so fast on the ball. Look at him! NEW LEGS! THE GAULDEN CHILD! THE GAULDEN CHILD! THE GAULDEN CHILD! Dicko's like "Pass the ball to me," and the Gaulden Child's like "NO! I'M DRIBBLING IT OUT OF BOUNDS!" Not my best work. Not my best work. I'm happy to admit when I don't, like I said I don't have it all figured out, including is it okay to dribble out of bounds? No. It isn't. It isn't okay to dribble out of bounds. Okay. Come on! Let's find a way! Nobody dispossesses Bald John Green! That's ridiculous! This game is based on lies! LIES!

Oh no! We're gonna lose 2-1 again! Disaster! This is horrible for the Wimbly Womblys! There's no other word for it. Can we find a way? Can we go all out attacking? Can we find a way? Do we have time for one more attack? John Green coming back for the ball! LONG PASS! GET THERE! No. It's over. Gosh. What are we gonna to do? I don't want to say that I'm hopeless, but I am not brimming with hope. Maybe we just need a season in the Championship to get our sea legs, try not to get relegated. We're gonna figure this out together, my friends. Your input is welcome in the comments. Thank you for supporting your beloved AFC Wimbledon Wimbly Womblys. We love you. We hate to show you these kinds of performances. Best wishes.