This episode of Sexplanations is brought to you by Adam & Eve.com, an online superstore for all things pleasure.

[intro]

Ah, summer, the season of long distance relationships. People go home for the school break, leave for seasonal employment, they pack up for a new program, job, or way of life and the relationship is stretched geographically.

First of all, most relationships don't work out. Long distance relationships are likely to end because relationships are likely to end. I'm going to give you some tips to cope with the distance, but I don't want you to be too hard on yourself if it feels difficult or confusing. All right?

Tip number one: list your givens. Remember in geometry these problems called proofs where you have use what you know, like the Pythagorean theorem, to solve what you don't know, like the length of the triangle's sides? My first suggestion is to apply this idea to your relationship. Make a list of what you do know, a list of givens, so that you have some information that gets you ahead in your problem solving. For example, if you know your partner doesn't like talking on the phone, try Skype or Google Chat instead, and if you know your partner's love language is physical touch, arrange for them to have a massage appointment while you're away from one another.

Tip number two: know your love languages. There are online tests you can take to learn how you understand love, be it physical touch, words of affirmation, acts of service, receiving gifts, and/or quality time. Knowing the languages each of you speak makes it easier to express love that the other person will recognize.

Tip number three: decide on code words. You'll need quick ways to say, "This isn't a private conversation," or "I'm not in a place to be sexual with you," or "I love you but I can't talk to you like I thought I would be able to and I need to reschedule even though it's a total bummer." Maybe something like, "Remember what Lindsay said." This way, when something unexpected happens, everyone's on the same page and no one feels misled, embarrassed, or blown off.

Tip number four: know your time zones. If you're in the same time zone or close, easy, but if it's California to Japan, then it's worth taking time to mark which hours you'll both be awake. There are many resources online and on our phones for this. Another tip would be to send your partner a little clock that's set to your time zone. Whatever you choose, have some flexibility and backup plans if the time you're aiming for doesn't work out. 

Which relates to tip number five: schedule visits, business meetings, and dates. Before you move away from each other, decide on when you will see each other next. This is like knowing where the plane is going to land before it takes off: it's smart and comforting. Determine how much time you need off and how much money to save so it goes well, and then follow through. In between visits, make sure you're also scheduling business meetings to talk about the partnership, travel, logistics, etc., and separate designated times for dates, where there's no relationship problem solving going on, just romance and sex.

Tip number six: care packages. Put your partner's address in all of the places: on your phone, on your fridge, then start collecting things that remind you of them to send them one in a while. You could send this heartthrob massager, which is platinum body-safe silicone, has two hours of power when fully charged on a USB port, and is one hundred percent waterproof. Or there's this glow in the dark Clone-a-Willy so that you can clone your boner and send it to your partner.

Tip number seven: get a mentor. One thing I've heard people in successful relationships talk about is having another partnership to look up to or go to for help. Do you know anyone else in long distance relationships? What about people on the internet, or people who aren't long distance now but have been in the past? Ask them if they'd be willing to share their experience with you, call them when you're confused, and be there for them too.

Tip eight: know when to stop or when to keep going. Together or separately, write down the criteria for maintaining the long distance. How will you know when enough is enough? Here are some examples I've phrased as yes or no questions. Are you excited for your next visit? Have you laughed together in the last week? Have you lied to your partner or been lied to? Is the sex still good? Do you want similar things in the future? Do your feel positively talking to each other? Does your gut say it's time to end the relationship?

Tip nine: capture memories. Hire a professional photographer or ask a friend to spend part of your day with you taking pictures of your relationship before you move apart. Have the record of candid moments when you're hugging and playful, piggyback riding and making out. It'll serve as evidence that you can refer to in the coming months that there is chemistry and you do like each other.

Tip number ten: pre-write messages. Maybe you've seen this in a YouTube video. Packages full of open when letters: open when you're lonely, or open when you're mad at me, so there's a way to connect from a distance when you're missing your person. For example, open when you're horny could be an erotic story for the person to masturbate to. Open when you're hungry could be a gift certificate to their favorite takeout. And open when you're having doubts could be a link to this video.

The most important thing you can do is tip eleven: stay curious. Adam & Eve.com has lots of playthings for your long distance relationships, like the Clone-a-Willy, the heart massager, and the Pillow Talk card game that helps people open up about their needs and desires. By using promo code DOE at checkout, you can get 50% off an eligible item, plus free shipping in the US and Canada. Thanks, Adam & Eve.

[outro]