YouTube: https://youtube.com/watch?v=HnbYxjgQHjM
Previous: How to Date Long Distance
Next: Do I Have Sex With My Clients?

Categories

Statistics

View count:61,826
Likes:2,614
Dislikes:44
Comments:273
Duration:03:49
Uploaded:2017-07-05
Last sync:2018-11-26 17:30
I can't believe we've done 25 episodes answering audience questions about sexuality!? That's amazing to me! I so grateful for your curiosity and for how much I've gotten to learn alongside you through sexplaining. This episode is no different. I share how to be a helpful healthcare professional, what to do about different sex drives, my opinion on pickup artists, kink negotiation, among many other things.

Please leave your latest sex questions in the comments for me to answer in future episodes and stay curious.

I'd also love it if you'd subscribe to the channel, share our videos with everyone you can, read Hannah's book titled Doing It, buy yourself a Stay Curious shirt at dftba.com, and support ongoing sex education efforts at patreon.com/sexplanations. Stay curious!

LINK TO HANNAH'S CHANNEL: https://www.youtube.com/user/hannahgirasol

 INTRODUCTION


My name is Lindsey Doe. I'm a doctor of human sexuality and clinical sexologist. This is Sexplanations, where sex meets curiosity.

 FIRST QUESTION


Today I'm going to go through some of the questions I've been asked and share my answers with you. Starting with: "I'm a nursing student graduating in December and hoping to work in women's health. I was wondering if you could advise me & my future healthcare team on how we could best serve women and their families from the Sexplanations point of view!"

Ask what pronouns they prefer. Avoid erotocentrism—or thinking that your sexuality should be their sexuality. Refrain from shaming them for things like staying with abusive partners, not using protection, or having sex in general.

Give them lots and lots of options, and listen to what they are saying with their words and their body language. What are they afraid of? What do they need?

Finally, get their consent to touch them—and when touching them explain exactly what you're doing so they're fully aware of what's happening and why.

 SECOND QUESTION


"I'm dating someone with a totally different sex drive than me and all she said was that she wants to wait a long time till we have sex, any tips?"

From the way you've described your situation, saying "and all she said was" it sounds like you've tried to talk to her about it and didn't get the response you were looking for. My suggestion would be to ask yourself what expectations you have.

Do you expect sex now, or eventually? Do you expect an explanation for the long wait? Do you expect her to change so that you can have the sex life you desire and if so, where are you being dishonest, self-seeking, selfish, and/or frightened in these unmet expectations?

Sometimes asking more questions is the answer.

 THIRD QUESTION


"Could you tell me your opinion on pickup artists?"

I once hosted a workshop on flirting and a pickup artist attended. He started talking about his craft and the next thing I knew he was at the front of the room modeling pickup artistry on me and my class became his class. So my opinion is that it works. 

Pickup artists can manipulate others into getting what they want. It's great for building confidence and learning some aspects of social dynamics, but strategies like negging—where you put the prey down so that she tries to seek your approval—are repulsive to me.

 FOURTH QUESTION


"A friend of mine has a partner who's into a kink she doesn't feel safe participating in. How can she best express her feelings to her partner?"

I don't object to you participating, but I don't feel safe with it. Please give me some time to learn more and understand my feelings. I'll check in with you in two weeks.

 FIFTH QUESTION


"Is there a word for someone who just doesn't care about their own gender?"

There's apathogender, or gender apathetic, or gender indifferent, or pomogender—which is short for having a postmodern gender ideology that gender labels aren't necessary or don't fit.

 SIXTH QUESTION


"What are some ways to experiment and figure out my sexuality but stay a virgin?"

You can learn a lot about your orientation, desires, turn-offs, limits etc. by watching porn, fantasizing, sexting with someone you like, reading erotica, masturbating, and one I think people take for granted is talking with your friends about their sex lives.

It's a great way to learn from other people's experiences.

 SEVENTH QUESTION


"Asexuals being sex positive, how?"

All the same ways that the rest of us are sex positive! Valuing consent, supporting comprehensive education, not shaming others, and staying curious—like the person who asked this question.

 EIGHTH QUESTION


"Is it weird that I'm asexual but extremely interested in Sexplanations, sex, and sexology in general?

Just because a person doesn't experience sexual attraction doesn't mean they can't care about or express interest in sex as a subject—the same way you don't have to be a singer to appreciate or teach about music.

 NINTH QUESTION


"Are there any places on the internet where I can talk about sex in a non-erotic way?"

Yeah! My recommendation is Sex Geekdom. They're a worldwide community of people who have geeky conversations about sex, and on their website they stress that it's not a hookup group.

 TENTH QUESTION


"I've just discovered that my campus library has a whole set of shelves about sex & sexology. Do you have any book recommendations?"

I love when libraries have sex sections. As far as book recommendations, Doing It by Hannah Witton. She's another Youtuber who talks about sex and her book reads a lot like her show.

It's super candid, forthcoming, informative, and British. Hannah teaches a lot of what we cover here, but it's fun to read a different approach and learn from her experiences and those of her guest writers.

 CONCLUSIONRead Hannah's book, subscribe to Sexplanations if you haven't already, leave your questions for future episodes in the comments, and stay curious.