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In which John Green answers questions that people ask google about him, in an attempt to make this (and not that other video we won't mention) the top search result related to his name, which is John Green.

John Green is a writer and YouTuber, or possibly a novelist and online video creator. (...he said, only for the purposes of improving the searchability of this video.)
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Good morning, Hank, it's Tuesday.  So it was recently brought to my attention that if you search for my name on Google, the very first video result is a video you made in 2011, Hank, called "John Green is an IDIOT!"  Now, don't get me wrong, it's a great video, it's just not necessarily the first video I want associated with my name, so today, I thought I would try to replace that video by making a video in which I answer questions that people ask Google about me, beginning with "Is John Green dead?"  No.  Well, actually, I guess it depends on when you're watching this, but not currently.  

"Where did John Green live?"  Does, does, where does John Green live?  I am alive.  I live in Indianapolis, where my books The Fault in Our Stars and Turtles All the Way Down are set.  Before that, I lived in Chicago, where part of An Abundance of Katherines is set and before that, I lived in Birmingham, Alabama, where Looking for Alaska is set and before that, I lived in Orlando, Florida, where Paper Towns is set.  I am not given over to acts of geographical imagination.

"What books did John Green wrote?"  I guess we're just living in a world without verb tenses.  I wrote the books listed above as well as half of Will Grayson, Will Grayson and 1/3 of Let it Snow.  

"When did John Green publish his first book?"  2005.  Look at that little child trying to be serious for his author photo.

"Are John and Hank Green related?"  Yes, we are brothers, and no, there are no other siblings.  Well, except for Dave, but we don't talk about Dave.

"Is Hank or John Green older?"  I'm just gonna revel in the fact that that's a question people have asked Google.

"Is John Green a Hufflepuff?"  I am, quite proudly, I might add.  

"What is the meaning of DFTBA?"  It's an initialism for several phrases, including 'Don't Forget to be Awesome' and 'Darling, fetch the battle axe', and also, 'Dave: forgotten through brotherly adventures'.  

"Is John Green married?" I am.  

"Does John Green have a child?"  I actually have two.

"Does John Green have a podcast?"  I also have two of those.

"Is John Green banned from Canada?"  No, but I do have to go through extra screening when entering Canada because I am on a list of potential undesirables due to the fact that I was denied entrance to Canada in 1995 for "insufficient funds".  

"What is John Green's cameo in The Fault in Our Stars movie?"  Right, so my cameo was cut from the movie because I am a terrible actor.  That noted, the scene is available as a DVD extra and also on YouTube.

"Does John Green have a Hollywood star?"  A John Green does, but he is not me.  He was a composer who won five Academy Awards for scoring such movies as An American in Paris and West Side Story, although today he is mostly forgotten, which is a nice reminder that no matter what you do, the tides of time will wash away your sandcastle so there's no sense in reaching for some foolhardy notion of immortality when there is real work to be done with real people right now, but what were we talking about?  Right, no, I don't have a star on the Hollywood walk of fame.

"Which John Green book should I read?"  I mean, I'm a little biased, but I think you should read all of them.

"Is John Green writing a new book?"  Possibly, but it's hard to know for sure.

"Does John Green like soccer?"  Yes, enough to sponsor a third tier English soccer team, which, by the way, over the weekend, might have avoided relegation by coming back from 2-nil down at halftime to win 3-2 on the last kick of the game.  I wept.  I'm not embarrassed to say it.  I cried like a baby.  Henry said, "Why are you crying?  Isn't it happy?"  Yes.  It's happy.

"What kind of music does John Green listen to?"  I listen to the early stuff from The Mountain Goats and also the more recent stuff by The Mountain Goats.

"What is a Nerdfighter John Green?"  So, Hank and I have been making videos here at Vlogbrothers for more than 11 years and the people in the community that's grown up around these videos call themselves Nerdfighters because they fight for intellectual engagement and celebrate unironic enthusiasm.

"Did John Green won any awards?"  My books have won a Printz Award and an Edgar Award, but most prestigiously, an MTV Movie Award.  If I just get four more of these, maybe I'll get one of those Hollywood stars.

"Did John Green started VidCon?"  This can't go on any longer.  I just need to leave some quick feedback for Google.  VERB TENSES.  I technically co-founded VidCon but only because I was on the phone with my brother when he came up with the idea.  Actually, that's true for most of the stuff we've made together, like, when I look at my Wikipedia page, I mostly just think, man, look at all these things Hank did while I was writing books?  

Okay, if you have any other questions, please leave them in comments, I'll answer as many as I can.  Hank, I will see you on Friday.