Hi, I'm Dr. Lindsey Doe, a clinical sexologist and doctor of human sexuality.  I study sex and I share what I learn here on Sexplanations.  So, when Mark Rober, who you may know from this video, asked me to do an episode about trees, I was like, easy, sex and trees, let's do tree fucking facts.

(Intro)

Sex tree fact #1: One some trees are asexual, meaning they reproduce by budding or fragmentation.  Most have male organs that reproduce sexually with trees that have female organs.  Pollinators like birds and insects, even the wind, helps them get it on.  So allergies in the spring, achoo, probably tree splooge.

Sex tree fact #2: The coconut tree sperm, or endosperm, is its meat and its milk and it's delicious.  

Sex tree fact #3: Some trees have both male and female organs.  In this situation, self-fertilization is possible, right?  So to avoid in-breeding, some trees have their male organs mature at a different time than their female organs.  Protandry is when the male matures first and protogyny is when the female matures first.  Another strategy that pine trees use is to have male organs on the lower branches and female organs up higher, so the male pollen doesn't fall on the female cones.  Down.

Sex tree fact #4: Trees can be trans.  In a study of striped maple trees, branches were cut from all male trees and grown under a myriad of conditions.  Then these branch trees, they all ended up either female or male and female, but no single males.  Here's what I think is incredibly cool.  A tree that's approximately 5,000 years old changed sexes.  For hundreds of years, this (?~1:35) yew in Scotland was on the books as male, male, male, male, and then in 2015, it produced female berries.

Sex tree fact #5: Sexual attraction to trees is called dendrophilia.  Some people put their peckers in holes pecked by peckers.  Others use leaves to fashion (?~1:53) and still more rub themselves on the bark or branches, preferring romance with a forest to human sexual relations.  Sexual empowerment icon, Tori Amos.

Number 6: Nob essence makes sexual sculptures perfect for penetration from sustainably farmed and managed exotic hardwoods.  Hard woods.  They're polished and then sealed in polymer coating so that you don't have to worry about splinters and because wood is a natural insulator, it's a nice temperature for your body.  Be still, my purple heart.  Or don't be still.  Move about.

Fact list intermission.  Guess what I care about more than sex?  The planet.  Thousands of creators across multiple platforms are using their voices and their personal resources to plant 20 million trees.  20 million.  20 million oxygen-giving trees so that we can breathe deeper and come harder and do better for our environment.

Sex tree fact #7: Ancient cultures connected trees to fertility.  So in some cultures, men would go into the forest and ejaculate on the trees to increase their own virility.  In others, women would paint their feet red and kick the trees, hoping that the gesture would increase the tree's fertility.

Number 8: You probably know that leaves from fig trees are often used to communicate modesty.  Genesis 3:7, having eaten from the tree of knowledge, Adam and Eve know that they were naked and they sewed fig leaves together to cover themselves.  Did you know that to make a fig fruit, there's a fatal brother-sister wasp orgy?

Number 9: Calling an erect penis 'wood' dates back to the 1950s when black men used the phrase "give her the wood" to say penetrate sexually.  'Woody' came letter in the 1980s and that is what I call my wooden phallus that I use to show people how to put condoms on.

Number 10: Latex used for condoms, gloves, elaborate suits, and toys comes from rubber trees.  Trees made it possible for this condom to help with family planning and prevent the transmission of infections.  Trees!

Three more.  Sex tree fact #11: Cinnamon, ginkgo, and pistachio trees are thought to increase libido, like aphrodisiacs.  The scent of cinnamon is considered one of the most arousing.  Ginkgo has been used to treat low libido due to antidepressants, and pistachio nuts are correlated with increased blood flow to the genitals.

Number 12: In the 1960s, (?~4:01) trees were planted throughout the US as ornamental landscaping.  Turns out, when they bloom, they smell like human semen.  It's likely this is due to organic compounds derived from ammonia which are in both the trees and semen.

Number 13: "The muses have filled my life with delight and when I die, I shall not be forgotten.  Stand up and look at me face to face, friend to friend, unloose the beauty of your eyes and then the love shook my heart like the wind on the mountain troubling the oak trees."  Poetry like Sappho's is shared on paper, made from trees.  The books I used to research this list?  Paper.  Later today, I will go the bathroom and I will wipe my sex organs clean with toilet paper from trees.  

Do trees matter to me?  Yes!  There's no sponsor for this episode.  I'm not using Patreon funding.  I'm doing this just to ask you to participate in a really big special community project one time, easy, because I love trees.  I love the environment.  In the description, there are all sorts of details, but to summarize, the Arbor Day Foundation has offered to plant trees, $1 per tree.  Do you know how much work it takes to plant a tree?  That's amazing.  When I heard about the 20 million tree project, I was all excited to dig holes and put the tree in.  I imagined all of you doing the same, but funding pros to do this instead ensures that it's being done correctly.  Arbor Day Foundation's motto is "plant the right trees in the right places for the right reasons."  They're going to plant native species where local conditions and forest plans allow, not a bunch of invasive semen trees in your neighborhood or trees with sexually transmitted infections.

Fact #14: This is real.  Trees transmit STIs. 

I'm hoping that you can go to the site made specifically for their efforts called teamtrees.org and add three trees to the effort.  A treesome.  Or one tree or one thousand.  Any amount and zero works, too.  Thank you for watching and sharing my video.  I will plant 1 tree for every ten people who comment and 1 tree for every 10 retweets of this video for the next week.  Stay curious.

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