Hello and welcome to Hankgames without Hank. My name is John Green, and please join us on our trip to Europe! The Wimbly Womblys, in Holland! Away at FC Twente. This is so exciting. Who could've imagined? A community-owned club... Just enjoying Europe. Just, this is great. Thank you for all- I know all of you are enjoying our European adventures as much as I am.

Today I'm going to talk about all the weird foods I've eaten. That was a suggestion from somebody. (laughs) I thought it was pretty hilarious.

Um, but I wanna give you a rundown on the team. We've got John Green and John Green up front. You know, initially we weren't going to try to win. Obviously, this is a long shot. We weren't even gonna make the vaguest attempt to get out of the group here in- in the Europa League, but then there was a red card in the Puerto game. We ended up winning that in the 90th minute, and I thought to myself "Well, maybe it's possible, so let's at least put out our best team today. See how we do." Obviously, we are not favorites here, unless there's another red card.

But, um, y'know , life is long. You don't get an opportunity to play in Europe that often. So let's enjoy this, and try- you know, and try to give the supporters of our club the best possible product on the field. So that's what we're doing, but as you can see we're a little bit outclassed.

Oh, that's a great ball! To C Arthur. And then C Arthur's gonna go to Callum Kennedy! Oh, he's got ugly hair, but he knows how to make those long runs up the sideline! Nice ball in! (shouts) Oh, Bald John Green! It's a dream start! It's a dream start! Ohhh! Oh! (sings) Bald John Green, John Green, he gives it all for the team! Upon his moustache, we're keen. Bald John Green, John Green!

(talks) Look at him, look at Bald John Green. He's energized! He's energized by that really wonderful goal! I mean that guy, he can just stay on the ball forever, it seems like, sometimes. Ya Bamba briefly dispossessed, but wins it back. Mm, that was gonna be offside anyway. Nice- nice attempt at a through-ball, but... I mean, what I love about Ya Bamba is he's everywhere on the pitch at the same time. It's really, really encouraging to see.

C'mon, back it up. Yes! Oh, Kennedy! Kennedy! What are you up to?! Kennedy, it's (shouts) two-nil! It's two-nil! Oh, and he does the- oh, he's doing the moustache! Meredith, look! He's doing the moustache! (sings) Bald John Green, John Green, he gives it all for the team! Upon his moustache we're keen. Bald John Green, John Green!

(talks) We should have a song for when Kennedy makes a daring run from his left-back position all the way up to the front of the pitch, and, um, crosses the ball into Bald John Green, because that's what's happened now twice in the first 20 minutes! I will add that this is professional skill level against FC Twente. And even though, frankly, we were being played off the pitch initially, um... Uh, the ball being closed off, and everything over and over again... At this point we're looking pretty good. This is exciting!

Um... Right, I was supposed to talk about weird foods I've eaten, not just the game! Um... I've eaten a lot of weird foods. I've had bull testicle! Um- I've had a lot of testicles. Not to brag... Um, oh, Other John Green! He had an idea - he had a dream. It didn't come to pass. Ohhh, that wasn't a great shot there, from Hells Pells. Not your best work, Hells-y Pells-y.

Um... Yeah, I've eaten uh, I've eaten bull testicles, uh, you know - I didn't like 'em. The whole time- I have to say, on some level, whenever I eat testicles, I'm aware- it's hard not to tell myself "these are testicles", you know what I mean? Like, it's hard not to feel a measure of empathy with the creature that these testicles are from, and it's funny because of course, like, that's not that creature's biggest problem. It's also dead. Um... And it died because I, you know, so that I could eat it, which is problematic in and of itself...

Um, but for some reason, like, I- you feel- one feels it in one's own testicles when one is eating bull testicles. Meredith is laughing but I'm- I'm being completely sincere! Um... I know you can't relate. I haven't- and I haven't eaten any- any, you know, cow equivalents. So um... Yeah.

I mean, I've eaten, you know, sometimes- Sarah- Sarah- you know, Sarah really likes to go to like, super-fancy weird restaurants, where there's like molecular gastronomy where they put a- oh, God. This is not good. Um, you get like uh - Glédson, he's looking awesome - um, you know, you get like a piece of uncooked beef and then they put it in a swing and it goes- it swings through liquid nitrogen and that's how it cooks itself or whatever. Um, so I've eaten a lot of that stuff! Um... You know, like a- a deconstructed BLT that has raw pig meat or whatever, but the pig meat isn't raw because it's cooked in its own juices. I don't know!

Um... Sometimes, I have to say - I'm making fun of those restaurants - but sometimes those are also some of the best meals I've ever had. Like, um, yeah like- I've been to- I mean, some of those restaurants are amazing. Grant Achatz's restaurant...

Uhhh... God, what's it called? Meredith - the place that has the set menu. It has like 72 courses. And then they have a different- they have a different theme - Next! - that's what it's called. They have a different theme, and then also the price of the dinner is based on what time you have dinner. Um, so if you have dinner at like a really prime time, like 7 pm say, you have to pay more than if you have dinner at like 9:30.

So like, people can have access to like- I mean, it's still ridiculously expensive but like, you know, you could have access to a nice meal, for like, less than a nice meal usually costs, if you go and eat at 5:30 or whatever. It's kind of a cool idea!

Um... I like- anyway, I like Next. But that said, I almost threw up when I was leaving there because it was just so much food. Probably 45 million calories. I don't wanna exaggerate, but that's my estimate.

Oh, oh! Ohhh. I mean, Bald John Green is doing nothing but scoring with his big beautiful head. I love it! Um, speaking of which, I've also eaten brains. I have eaten some brains here and there. Not a lot! Not human, obvs. Never- you know, that's- that's a bridge too far.

Um... But yeah, the occasional- oh no! It was offside. You were off- you were naughty! Now you're being punished! Look at our little- look at our little group of away supporters! AFC Wimbledon supporters, there in the corner. Thank you for coming to Holland! I hope that you have enjoyed your trip...

Oh, John John's coming on. That always makes me a little nervous. Um... Yeah so... Uh, I have eaten brains. I've eaten- like, you know, occas- I think I've eaten bone marrow once, but I don't like to eat it, because it's uh- bone marrow is associated with Mad Cow Disease - so is brains, which is why I don't- also don't like to eat brains.

And I'm super- those of you who know anything about me know that I'm super hypochondriacal about- particularly about extremely rare illnesses, like Mad Cow Disease. Um, or Ebola! Very worried about Ebola - really don't wanna get Ebola. Just sounds horrible.

Oh, oh, that's a great ball, over the top! Bald! John! Green! With a hat-trick! Are you kidding me?! What are you do- what is that celebration?! Bald John- what a great ball! And then Bald John Green, first time, back of the net! Ohhh, everything is coming up Wimbly and Wombly today, my friends!

We are Wimbling and Wombling our way through Europe. Could this be Wimblier or Womblier? Great pass out of bounds there, Bald John Green. Um, oh but look at that - seventeen goals in all competition. Our European hero - three-nil up against Twente. Um, Twent-eh? Twent-ey? Twent? I don't know. I'm not very good at speaking Dutch, even though I lived in Holland.

Um... Yeah. Um... And then I- you know, I've eaten a lot of like, crazy fruits and vegetables. People- in Australia- big fan of like bread fruit! Uh, which is appropriately named because it truly is the worst parts of bread and the worst parts of fruit. Um... I hope that I didn't offend my Aust-the Australian Wimbly Wombly supporters, but oh, my God!

On the other hand, there's other- there's other Australian and Oceanic fruits that are just amazing. I can't remember the name- what was the name of that one? It was like a- starfishy. Anyway, it's delicious.

I've eaten a lot of uh, I go to a lot of- I eat sushi a lot, which I love to eat. Um, and so I've had a fair amount of um, you know, like sea urchin... Sea anenmenes- amony- monamy! Do do do do! Monomay! Um, I don't know. What do you say? Anemone? Amenome? Sea amen- sea ammonia?! You know, that stuff. I've eaten that.

Um... I just- sometimes I just eat fresh coral off of coral reefs - just snorkel down there and bite it! (laughs) Not really! That would be great though. I would. I would. I would eat some coal reef. Um, if it's rare and endangered, I'll eat it! Ohhhh. (laughs) I'm just kidding- I've never eaten like, tiger or shark or anything like that. Um... Yeah, I don't know.

This- this video is making me seem like a terrible person! A brain-eating ball-eating monster! Um... But I don't know, every time you eat meat, in a way, you're doing that. Um, in a way you're like, you definitely- every time you eat meat participating in this like, insane um, factory-farming.

I mean, with few exceptions, like the way my parents eat meat, which is mostly like, meat that they have raised. That's different, I think. But yeah. I- I am troubled by- I eat a lot- I eat a lot less meat than I used to, but I am still troubled by about 90% of the meat that I eat.

Um- meat that I eat is a funny rhyme! Oh, speaking of funny rhymes, get in there! Get in there! Get in the net! How many times do I have to press the B button to make a dream come true?! Ohhhh, man! How did that ball not go in?! (shouts) Other John Greeeeeeeeeeeeeen! Hugged by his husband, hugged by his husband.

(sings) He's big, he's tough, he has a ginger puff. Other John Green, Other John Green! (talks) What a fantastic goal. That is- I mean, we came to Holland expecting to lose four-nil, and we won four-nil.

I know there are gonna be AFC Wimbledon Wimbly Wombly supporters who say we need to turn the difficulty up, but this is professional difficulty! We're a professional football club. Um... And I don't know what to say! Like, we- maybe we won because we're better. Maybe Twente isn't that good, uh... And maybe, you know, like- I think we out-tacticed them. I think we came into the game with a uh, formation that they obviously weren't ready for, and we... I don't wanna brag, handed them their bull testicles.

Thank you for watching! (laughing) Look at tiny- look at the tiny Gaulden child standing next to Bald John Green! It looks like Bald John Green's son! Thank you for watching this absolute dismantling of a Dutch team in the Eredivisie. They can never successfully touch each other's butts - have you noticed that? They like, get close and then it just never happens. Best wishes!