It's been almost a year since right here I was humping this chair and teaching you how to masturbate! After that video named masturbation (check it out right here) I decided to make a collection of masturbation tips, fun ways to get it on with yourself the way the doctor would prescribe them.

     "Just be with your genitals. Put your hand on your crotch for 4 minutes without any intentional movement or goals. It's that simple. Be there for yourself."

     I'm reading from this coloring book. I've been putting this silly, fun thing together for months now! One page is suggestions to improve masturbation, and the adjacent page is drawings by yours truly of a monster performing the suggestion.

     I started with this one: filling up a condom with warm water, tying it off, and then slapping it on your body, or laying it there like a flaccid penis!

     Or you could put it in the freezer and make one that's "erect," watch, though, that the cold doesn't negatively impact your pieces and parts. It's a little trickier, but you can put a second condom over this one, then fill this one with warm water so there's a barrier between the freezing phall-o-pop and your wherever-you-put-it.

     This one might not be a friendly toy for anal play because it doesn't have a wide base or cord for easy retrieval. Trust me.

     There's another temperature-play suggestion I had which is equally simple and cheap: tea bags soaked in hot water, then stacked like a cave around the genitals. It's not a repetitious stroke meant to get you off but it is a form of self-stimulation, all that heat drawing blood into the groin.

     Plus, we want to be oxygenated, so breathing is on the tip list. So is tearing off your own clothes, writing erotica about yourself, making a body-sized foreskin to rub up and down your whole self, and touching yourself like you do an iPad.

     The first few pages of this book explain how it came to be, and there are blank pages at the end so that you can create your own monster drawings and suggestions.

     Stay curious.

     Really, curiosity is better than any book! Even ones with this adorable monster humping a feather!

     But if you want it, it's available on Subbable, a cool website that allows us to take your money and directly fund making the channel: as in, you give to us, we appreciate that, we make you these videos, educate your boyfriends, girlfriends, partners, parents, teenagers, your educators, and offer totally ridiculous, filled-with-so-much-love perks like this one.