Good morning, John.

He sent me out to buy cookies, and as I left I saw him press his ear to the ground so that he could hear me, so that he would know, he would know every step I took. And not just that, but every step everyone on the world was taking.

Last night, I had a dream. Not that dream. The dream was, here's a good idea for a vlogbrothers video. There's a guy who can put his ear to the ground and hear everybody. Including you, on your way to get cookies at the grocery store.

This is my stress-relieving right here. Just making the ticky-tacky stretch.

I've noticed that most people don't call this ticky-tacky. I'm not sure what ticky-tacky is; let me check. 'Sleazy or shoddy material used especially in the construction of look-alike tract homes.' So, wow, that's very specific.

And now I have read the entire Wikipedia page on Blu-Tack. This stuff was created accidentally, like many of science's greatest accomplishments. Completely by accident.

Just like NutraSweet, which is a fantastic scientific accomplishment because it has done so much to decrease America's weight. I mean, look at this graph of the use of NutraSweet and the weight of Ameri- wait. Wha- how did that happen?

I'm fine. I'm fine!

We actually just did a SciShow episode on the increasing weight of Americans, and it turns out that if the entire world were the same size as North Americans, that would be the equivalent of almost a billion new people. Wow.

So what's all this stuff that's going on? I don't want to talk too much about VidCon because the tickets aren't on sale anymore and you're just going to be sad. But that's the biggest MWRAH on my head right now; lots going on there.

There's stuff on my lens.

This shirt was given to me by Ningmaster Tom. 'Up up down down strange charm strange charm top bottom quark.' I like it when you mix video games and some other nerdy thing together. I also have that art history video game nerd shirt.

Eh, you mean this one?

Yeah, I mean that one!

Additionally, additionally, additionally, additionally, additionally, aditi...

I got a new miniature tripod. It's really small. It came for free with my new large tripod, which is from Ravelli. And they didn't pay me to say that! No one ever pays me to say anything, people!

You want to pay me to say something? That would be an interesting business model. You just like, give me five dollars and I'll say anything you want in a Vlogbrothers video.

Fart, fart, fart.

Farewell to the admiralty of Dan.

And if you give me ten, I'll put on my French moustache while I'm saying it.

I like how it's a French moustache, and then underneath that it says 'moustache de français.'

Aah.

Who wants a moustache? That good? I think that's its permanent home. That one's the best. That's awesome.

Lizzie Bennet! It's really interesting to me. It has a very, like, exactly the same number of views every episode, which is really rare for a web series. Every episode, same number, like 70,000 views per episode, which is amazing, but it's like 30,000 views under us being able to pay for the show. I don't know why I get too specific here.

So if 30,000 of you, you know, just 30,000, wanna go and watch all of them, that'd be great!

I'll give you some new business cards for VidCon. Boop! There it is!

I do have one more Vlogbrothers video to do before VidCon, and I'll be in LA and I don't know what I'm going to do.

Cuz this one's crazy, so I can't do crazy twice in a row, can I? It would be double crazy! Crazy times two! I've never done this with my voice before. It's not going well.

Okay, the battery light is blinking, I've already filled up a whole card, this is going to be a pain to edit, I don't really know what happened this video, it's been weird... John, I'll see you on Monday.