Hank: Hello, and thank you for tuning in to this episode of Hank and...what I cannot...Filch is right there, oh my god!

Katherine: Zap him!

H: I don't think that that's how that works. I have this.

K: I don't understand. Why did he not see us?

H: I don't...he's a stupid, stupid head. Ah...no no!

K: I'm just blindly waving my wand around over here. Woohoo! Woo!

H: Um, last time on Hank and Katherine Play LEGO Harry Potter Years 1-4.

K: We were doing some things...

H: We did things. 

K: Oh it got me, got me, got me, got me, got me, got me!

H: What happened then?

K: I don't knoooow! I don't knooow!

H: Is he gonna kill you?

K: Maybe distract him? I don't...I can't do anything. I am pushing buttons furiously.

H: Oh wow. He is impervious to my spell.

K: Pushy button-y noises? Pushy button-y...Damn you Filch!

H: (Sings) I don't know what to do!

K: (Groans)

H: (Singing) I'm confused. So confused. I....oh okay.

K: Haha! And I'm invisible. I'm invisible. Can I get up this thing when I'm invisible?

H: I'm climbing up...up a ladder.

K: I can't see myself when I'm invisible.

H: I know, I...you have to shoot.

K: (Sighs)

H: Okay. What are...?

K: What was the noise? I'm stuck behind a pile of books.

H: There is stuff around. There's this thing. And I don't know what to do with it. Ahhh!

K: (Laughs)

H: There's...there's...this is like, what is this thing? Keyhole?

K: Clearly we need to do more things. Yes. Oh god oh god look out! Oh, run away, oh run away!

H: Oh jeez.

K: Oh boy, he is dumb.

H: Yeah, he is blind.

K: Okay, okay. Yes. Yes. This thing over here. 

H: I maybe did something?

K: This thing...yes. Put it on the blue part.

H: Ohhhhh

K: And then open the gate.

H: Oh that was surprisingly easy.

K: Run in there and get that thing. Yes. Yes.

H: What is it?

K: I don't know what...who cares?

H: It's a green...thing.

K: Why did I go up there?

H: It's a key. It's a key!

K: Oh it's a key. It's a key. Obviously it's a key. Woo boy.

H: Why didn't I use it? Use it Ron...Ronald Weasley!

K: Stand at the thing. Oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god! He got me again! Ughhhh!

H: I don't know what you do.

K: I think you maybe just need to stand there and push the button? I don't know.

H: Oh I'm sorry Mrs. Norris! Even though you're not a nice cat.

K: Shoot the crap out of her! I think maybe that's the way you make Filch go away.

H: Ohhhhhhh. Maybe, yeah. Gotta put...put....why can't I just pick up the key?? Why do I have to levitate it?

K: I don't know. That's weird. Hm.

H: That is...

K: Maybe it's because it goes in this part, here. Where the green part...That part right there?

H: Ohhh, it doesn't go in that thing, it goes in this thing. Oh, man. People who've played this game are gonna think that we're stupid.

K: Well, you know...we are a little bit. But not because we're not intelligent. Only because...

H: (Laughs) We aren't stupid from a lack of intelligence.

K: Only because we're not...I am so slow under this cloak! I can't even crawl up the stairs! Oy oy oy. Useless.

H: Oh yeah, this is great. I love it when the frickin...

K: Why is the floor in the way?? Gaaaaa! Okay let's stay together.

H: Wow. God....gameplay. 

K: Because I'm still in love with you...Oh Scabbers.

H: (Singing) I wanna see you dance again. (Speaking) What are you doin' Scabbies?

K: Push those books off. Push 'em off.

H: I pushed them. Oh my god! What?

K: Wow Harry Potter.

H: They didn't notice that in beta testing?

K: That is hardly...where the hell am I?

H: Woo! True wizard!

K: Okay, I'll stop shooting around, then. God! Balls!

H: Yes God balls is right. Ahh stop! Stooop that!

K: Ahhh! Ahh ahh! Well you do it, and then I follow you, and then you're doing it too!

H: Doing what?

K: Ahhh! We have to stay together.

H: Is that really what...is that the problem?

K: Yes!

H: I don't think it is.

K: Wingardium Leviosa, Hank!

H: Oh, I was on Scabbers.

K: Crappity crackers

H: I was on...(laughs). Right, lets go! This room is annoying. Oh, a mirror. Oh a horsey. Oh! A horsey! 

K: A headless horseman! Horseman. One of three....two of three..what was for...

H: Three of three!!

K: Oh that was not what I expected.

H: Oh Harry. Potter. Harry Potter. Harry Potter.

K: I was going to do that!

H: I beat you to it! What is this thing on the ground here? Is it a spider? Oh it's dead now. Interesting. Oh! Oh, no. You're...you're a nice witch. There's things on the top of this thing!

K: Where? What?

H: I shot it. Looks like a bat?

K: Bats! Bats, yes!

H: Yes!

K: Lift the...

H: Life the...oh cut scene!

K: Show me the mirror of Erised. 

H: I thought it was broken for a second. I am Ro...oh kiss me! Oh who is that? Looked a little like Ginny.

K: Oh, sexy. And now we kiss with tongue!

H: (Laughs) What's wrong with your mom? She's got a big scar on her face.

K: Why did she also look like a Weasley? Weird.

H: Everybody looks like a Weasley. Euhhhhh grumble face. Grumble fumble face!

K: Grumbledy cakes!

H: I'm pooping out a...I have an idea.

K: Grumbledinas. Ohh what was that...that apple! It was...the stone.

H: It wasn't an apple, it was the stone!

K: It looked...it was hard to tell what kind of fruit it was, because...

H: Well how many different kinds of fruit are there?

K: It's LEGO Harry Potter. Fruits are hard to distinguish.

H: There's a...what...the Sorcerer's Stone is a stone, it's not even a fruit!

K: I know.

H: I'm confused.

K: Wellllll...that's true. I don't know.

H: Everybody must get stoned!

K: So we have to keep going?

H: Yes. Well, no. Maybe? I don't know. I feel like it hasn't been ten minutes yet.

K: I feel like it hasn't either. I didn't watch...

H: We're gonna continue the story.

K: Okay.

H: Together. You and me.

K: Here we go. Oh, floating Harry Potter head in the background.

H: Yes, is it creeping you out? What about the gooey gum pot?

K: (Laughs) Oh, gooey gooey gum pot. I don't like that either.

H: (Laughs) No

K: That one looks like a snot pot.

H: Snot. Pot.

K: Snot pot.

H: Hello Nicholas.

K: Hello all of you suits of armor. Have you...have you had enough punishment today?? I bet you haven't.

H: That one is super shiny.

K: I want to go..how do I get rid of those Pixies? That's what I wanna know.

H: I don't know!

K: There must be some kind of special spell for Pixies.

H: Pixie...dust. Today my...

K: Pixie Pixie Pasternomy! Right? Right? 

H: Wow.

K: That's the one.

H: You're amazing.

K: I tied you up. I tied you up again.

H: Um. Ghost bolts!

K: Follow them. Go. Go.

H: (Singing) Follow the, follow the, follow the ghost bolts! The ghost bolts. The ghost...follow the ghost bolts!

K: That was not a good song.

H: (Laughs)

K: Oops! Oops, oops. I went down the wrong hallway.

H: Ohh you're spastic.

K: It's hard to tell who I am I keep changing! Ahhhhh...

H: Yes. Yes, I understand. Hello. Where are we going, sir? Sir? We've already been this way. This is...this is one of the places we've been before. We've been before.

K: You know, honey, you have to go places you've been before. Sometimes.

H: Can I have some of this?

K: You know, we only...

H: Don't mind if I do!

K: Gulp gulp gulp

H: (Makes sound effects for Ron) Doing the push-ups!!

K: I love that he's doing the push-ups! Why are we....ughhh!

H: We could've just

K: Ohhhh nooo!!! I missed one! AHH daunting me a second time!

H: (Laughs)

K: Ughhh (makes fart noise).

H: English Kiniggots!

K: Silly English pig dogs!

H: Can I pick this up now?

K: Ah! Maybe that's all you had to do!

H: Ow! I still can't pick up this broom, man. Wait. I...I have to dig it up!

K: Huh, hmm.

H: I have to dig it...don't...thank you for not doing that. If you had cleaned up this poop I would have been really angry.

K: (Laughs)

H: This is my poop! This is my quest!

K: I wanted to. I really wanted to.

H: (Mumbles) I don't know who got that! Ten percent of the bricks is ours! 

K: It is ours! Hagger!

H: Hagger!

K: Hagger!

H: Haaaaggger!

K: Hagger, let us hop to Hagger!

H: Hop to Hagger! Do the Hagger hop!

K: Let's go in Hagger's house!

H: I want to go in the Hagger house.

K: Get out of the way, fat Hagger.

H: (Laughs)

K: Let me in the Hagger house! Do we get to meet Fang now?

H: Yes!

K: Ah, yes!

H: There he is! And a sick unicorn!

K: Oh with a lollipop!

H: Someone's been sucking my blood! 

K: Inverted lollipop!

H: So that they can later kill Tonks! Oh...ey?

K: Ohhh. Ooooh! Get him, Fang! Get him. Lick him!

H: Oh, I wanna lick your face! Why are you paying attention Malfoy? Oh! No! Why is the unicorn...no don't we have to go get the unicorn!

K: Oh no, I don't want to go in the Forbidden Forest, Hank.

H: Well we don't have to on this episode of Hank and Katherine Play LEGO Harry Potter. We can do it the next one.

K: Let's put it down.

H: (Laughs) Hey! Oh? (Mocking Hagrid's voice) I should not have told you that!

K: (Mocking Hagrid) Should not have said that. (Regular voice) Ha haa I don't know what kind of accent that was but it wasn't Hagrid's accent.

H: Don't eat the...aahhhh it's a scary! 

K: He's got a knife and a fork!

Both Laugh

K: He wasn't just going to have some blood he was...

H: That looks like the..the thing that my phone makes.

K: Droid! Yeah. Okay stop. 

H: Stop. Stop!

K: This is it.

H: Okay we must end this episode of Hank and AHHHHHHHHHH!!!

K: Oh my goodness the Forbidden Forest is dangerous

H: Ahhh! Jeezle croizle! Okay.

K: What is happening on Fang?

H: What, Fang?

K: Whoa! Look out, Fang! Look out! Look out, look out, look out!

H: Maybe we'll take...kill this...kill this thing. Kill it! Kill it! Kill the thing before it makes ahhhhh! Another one!

K: Okay. Woo boy!!

H: Got it, okay. You will not see us, we will not see you but you will hear us next time on Hank and Katherine Play LEGO Harry Potter Years 1-4

Both: (Screaming) Goodbye!