Craig: Hey, beard lovers.  Since I got back home, I haven't trimmed the beard, 'cause I'm still basking in the glorious memories of VidCon, the online video conference that happened in LA about a week ago.  You heard about that, right?  You know what VidCon is.  And if you've never heard of it, jeez, oh jeez, this guy, or this girl.  Anyway, whether you've heard of it or not, you're about to see some of it.  You see, I was asked to MC the mainstage of VidCon for one morning.  Introducing performers and whatnot, and within that allotted time span that I was emceeing, I was a performer to be introduced.  After the WheezyWaiter intro in this video, you will see what was supposed to be my performance for the mainstage.  Ughhh, it was a disaster.  I was going through some really emotional stuff at the time, and I apologize.

Anyway, here's how it went down.  Enjoy.

(WheezyWaiter Intro plays)

Tobuscus: Okay, he's ready.

Hank Green: Tobuscus!  

Tobuscus: I sneezed.  I sneezed during that performance and he didn't bless me.  I might have ice cream later and not share it with him.  Oh, who's next, who's next?  Uhh, let me check, let me check, who do we have next?  

Craig: Oh.  WheezyWaiter's next.  

Tobuscus: You.  You're WheezyWaiter.

Craig: I'm not WheezyWaiter.  I'm--no.  I'm Corporate Clone.  I've gotta go get WheezyWaiter.

Tobuscus: Craig!  Craig!

John Green: Hey!   You need to be on stage right now!

Craig: Where's WheezyWaiter?  

John: What the heck, you ARE WheezyWaiter!

Craig: I'm not WheezyWaiter!  I'm Corporate Clone!

John: GAH!  

Craig: Where's WheezyWaiter?  

Person: I don't freaking know.  

Other person: I don't freaking know as well.  

Craig: Where's WheezyWaiter??  Hey.  Ze Frank!  Do you know where WheezyWaiter is?  

Ze: Yes.  

Craig: Oh, good.  

Person: Craig!

Craig: --my back, man, what are you doing?

Person: We're brothers!  We're brothers!

Meghan Tonjes: I hate Craig, I hate Craig, I hate Craig.

Craig: Hey!  Hey, WheezyWaiter!  

No, I'm Safety Clone.  Careful!  

Oh, no, I'm just Kiosk Clone.  So, here you go.  

Felicia Day: This is not me--I'm not--this is not me.

Craig: Oh.  Who are you?

Where's WheezyWaiter?

Tay Zonday: Wait...aren't you WheezyWaiter?

Dan Brown: Don't you watch his videos?  

Tay: That's WheezyWaiter.

Dan: This is obviously a clone.

Tay: No, no, he is WheezyWaiter.

Dan: You call yourself a--

Tay: You lie.  You lie.  I don't 

(Overlapping arguing)

Tay: I'm just sick of you, I'm just sick of you.  

Dan: Tay--

Tay: I'm sick of you, Dan Brown.  I'm quitting the Dan Brown program.

Dan: That hurts.

Craig: Where's WheezyWaiter?

Person: Oh my God, where's WheezyWaiter?

Craig: Hey!  Where's WheezyWaiter?

Person: You're WheezyWaiter.

Craig: I'm not WheezyWaiter!

Person: You're WheezyWaiter.

Craig: I'm not WheezyWaiter--ohhh!

Person: Ohhh, CA-NA-DA.  This is Year 3, my friend.  Our everlasting feud continues.  

Craig: No--but I'm not--

Person: Wait a minute.  This is not the beard I know and hate.  

Craig: I'm not WheezyWaiter, I'm a clone.

Person: Oh.  Sorry!

Chyna: You know, I don't get why Craig was so upset.  Sometime, he can be so whiny.  

Craig: Yeah.  I can be, too.

WheezyWaiter!

No, I'm just Walking in Hallway Clone.  

You're not WheezyWaiter?

But--but--

What are you doing, you're supposed to be on stage!

I can't do it, I'm just Corporate Clone, you're the performer!  
 
I told you to do it!  

What's the matter?

She told me she was marrying a clone.  

Hey, sometimes life gives you lemons.  Take those lemons.  Tunr them into lemon-scented cleaner and wash away the pain.  Don't stop believin'.  We were meant to live for so much more.  Isn't it ironic?  Synergy!  Fiscal responsibility!  Focus groups!  Profit margins!  Love doesn't matter, what matters is how much money it makes you.  Beard up, my friend.  Beard up.  You'll move on, you'll find someone else, love is like a new office chair.  It smells funny and eventually it gets old and you fall off of it, 'cause--'cause it's really wobbly.  

I think you're right.  

Get out there and show them what love really is!  The love of you for yourself!

I'll do it!  I'm gonna do it!  I'm doin' it!  Hands off the pizza.  

Nothing.

I can do this, I can do this.  

Hey, Chyna.  How could you?  

Chyna: How could I what?  What's wrong with you?

Craig: I can't believe you're marrying a clone.

Chyna: I didn't say I was marrying a clone, I said I'm carrying a cone.  

Craig: Wha--you do love me!  

Chyna: Yes!  

Craig: I love you!   Classic case of misunderstanding.  I also love ice cream.  Mm, mmm, good.  Mm-mm.

Person: Dude, can I have some of that?

Craig: Yeah!  

Person: Ohh, no way!  

Craig: There you go.

Person: Love that guy!  I'm lactose intolerant!

Craig: Mm.  Mmm.  

(Crowd cheers)

Craig: Mm.  Yeah.  There's a lot of people here.  

Tobuscus: You've been here, right?

Craig: No, that was Corporate Clone.  So anyway, I wanted to talk to you guys about something.

Tobuscus: I don't think we actually have time anymore, Craig, we got our next amazing violinist, Lindsey Stirling!  

(WheezyWaiter Endscreen plays)

Craig: Huge, huge thank you to ApprenticeEh for helping document the actual events of the real stuff that happened in this video, and another big thanks to the ridiculous amount of YouTube folks that are in this video.  They're all listed in the dooblydoo.  Well, except for maybe the people who I don't know that were walking around in the background.  I didn't get their names.  Now I shall continue basking.  You can click here to watch a making-of behind the scenes random un-used footage sorta thing on WheezyNews, or you can click here to watch a vlog that ApprenticeA made about the shoot.  Mmhmm basking, basking.  Teeheehee, tickles, teeheehee.  I have woman hands?