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In which hank complains about (mostly) M&Ms.
I just went to see Brave... Uhhh, yesterday, and liked it. Umm, wasn't my favorite Pixar movie ever, but I liked it a lot. Uhh, but that's not what I wanted to talk about today.

Today, I want to talk about... M&Ms. Which I love: I'm a huge fan of M&Ms. And I have a thing where if I have a container that contains M&Ms, I will eat all of them. Immediately. So there's a problem there, right? So I have to get small containers of M&Ms, preferably like, uh, the Halloween individual-packaged sized.

And I solve this problem, 1) by, uh, by- by never buying M&Ms, pretty much, um, and 2) my M&Ms are consumed primarily via frozen yogurt shops. So i get a little bit of frozen yogurt and a ton of M&Ms, and that's how I eat M&Ms.

Now the problem here is that when I go- I was.. was going to the movie theater last night and was like "OK well I'm hungry, I haven't eaten and I'm not going to eat for two hours so I should get some M&Ms". And I go to get some M&Ms, and there... it's a huge freakin' box! It's like 800 calories of M&Ms, and if I buy it, I'm going to be sitting in a movie theater for the next two hours, not doing anything with my hands or my mouth,  eating M&Ms.

And this is just a terrible, terrible idea, and I- I will eat every one of them, I know that I will. So I'm not going to buy that. And they're like four dollars and fifteen cents, which is a- a lot of money, for that many M&Ms.

The problem here, is that the movie theater wants a certain amount of mark-up. It wants to- to have something that you will say "well, you know, four dollars and fifteen cents is expensive for a ton of M&Ms... but it is a ton of M&Ms!" And any rational person would say yeah, Hank, you just buy it and eat it later, but that's not gonna happen! I don't know anyone who has that kind of self-control, certainly not me!

So here's the situation. I just want the- like, just- sell small M&Ms for the exact same mark-up, like, if those M&Ms cost you a buck and you're selling them for four dollars and fifteen cents, then get the fifty-cent, small M&M thing and sell it for three dollars and seventy-five cents or whatever. You make a little bit more money... but I'll-

I wouldn't, though, that's the thing. Like you can't make somebody buy- like, have three dollars of mark-up on a small package of M&Ms cause everybody's going to be like- "four bucks for a little pack of M&Ms, that's just never going to happen! that's just not-!"

So they sell you these giant things- same thing with the- with the freakin' drinks at the movie theater. There's like- there's like- the tiny cup.. is eighty dollars, and then the giant one is eighty one! That's how they do it! And I'm- of course, exaggerating, but that's- but like not that much! It's still a -sort of- ridiculous amount of money for sugar and water... and citric acid, usually... some caffeine... it's.. it's ludicrous.

And yeah, OK, sure, "that's how movie theaters pay for themselves, that's- they don't get that much off the" But I mean, there's... there's a difference between like making your business work and just -just exploiting people

And now... because some lunatic- and this is now... totally on a tangent,  because some lunatic was crazy and killed people... because he's a crazy person, now there's a sign on the thing that says "your bags are subject to search". And I want to know if there's some movie theater executive somewhere who saw that and was like "Mmm hmm hmm heh heh heh eeexcellent" And like, super evil, to like take advantage of the situation... and now they're like looking through women's purses to see if they got a can of Sprite! Cause I don't want that much Sprite, people!

That's the thing- it's not just that I don't want to pay five dollars for a gigantic Sprite- I don't want to drink eight hundred calories of Sprite in two hours! Cause that's not healthy- that's how diabetes happens! Fricking movie theaters...

I... I just wanted some M&Ms. And instead I sat there hungry the whole movie, cause I could- cause I just can't do it! And who does- like, I would've felt terrible! And not like emotionally, but physically. It's just ludicrous! That's how I feel.

And yeah, sometimes I go to the.. convenience store beforehand... snag myself a can of Coke.... and some junior mints- the small- the SMALL box of junior mints. Cause I'm not a crazy person! And I eat normal amounts of food! Jesus...