Dr. Lindsey Doe: This is my dad, and he recently came to visit me in Montana after a full career as an art and photography teacher at a boarding school. And, uh...let's do this thing!

[Sexplanations intro animation]

Mr. Doe: (laughs) I have no idea what we're doing!

LD: (laughs)

Mr. Doe: I don't know what the questions are.

LD: First thing, this episode is sponsored by AdamAndEve.com, they provide amazing promo codes at the end so that you can get some things for cheaper than they usually are! Plus, free shipping!

Mr. Doe: This is very cool.  I have watched you on film in amazement, not--I have not seen all your videos 'cause they're embarrassing.

LD: Aw.

Mr. Doe: I feel very privileged.  

LD: I feel very privileged that youre here.  You have no idea.  You wanna know what I want to do?  

Mr. Doe: I do.  

LD: I want you to give me the sex talk.

Mr. Doe: Whoa!  I never gave the sex talk.

LD: I know.  

Mr. Doe: I haven't given the sex talk to any of my children.  

LD: But I think that's because you just talked about sex over time.  It was a dialogue.  There was never a time where you ever sat me down and said, okay, here are the things you need to know.

Mr. Doe: Yeah.

LD: That's a compliment.  That's a good thing.

Mr. Doe: I'll tell you two things.  My dad gave me a book.  

LD: Okay.

Mr. Doe: Which--

LD: You gave me a book too.

Mr. Doe: Okay.  Well, you had the internet.  But uh, I, I...I think someone said to me, you don't have to answer all the questions.  They just--they're gonna ask you a question, like where babies come from, and you just have to answer that question and then--and if you do that often enough, all of the details come out.  I think the one sort of moment, if there was a moment, that you and I had, and I don't know how it affected you, but I thought it was important.  I told you that masturbation was okay.  

LD: Yes, that was my moment, too.  When somebody was asking me, "Did you--what--did you have the sex talk?"

I was like, we had lots of conversations, and I remember him telling me that masturbation was natural.  

Mr. Doe:: Well it was--

LD: You remember!

Mr. Doe: Okay, so you have this powerful human drive, need, and you don't really understand it.  Your brain and your hormones are all over the place, and some friends and media are pushing you towards sex or sexual activity.  Masturbation takes and separates the two.  It takes out the chemical hormonal need from the complications of the relationship and certainly pregnancy and STDs.  It serves two purposes.  One is sort of self-protection, but it's also self-discovery.  I personally believe that if you are well-informed in your own body's reactions, you will be a much better partner.  Doggone it, it's okay and don't be embarrassed by it.  I think because we're all embarrassed by it.  I'm still embarrassed by it. 

LD: You did such a good job.  

Mr. Doe: Thank you.  I believe in this, and yes, I still do.  

LD: That's a huge gift to give to a child, to say, explore yourself and don't rely on anyone else for your pleasure.  Here's how you can cope with the changes in your body and your emotions without putting yourself at risk for anything.  That's huge.

Mr. Doe: You know, I don't--I guess I didn't really know how to talk to um, the boys, about what girl parts are all about, partly because I didn't know, and--you think you know, but you don't.  You know, when you're in a relationship, you're not playing scientist and books aren't really good and--

LD: I totally play scientist in my relationships.

Mr. Doe: Well, but you're an expert at this and this is why people rely on your videos and your expertise, because they don't know, and I will tell you and I tell all my adult friends, I say, oh yeah, my daughter, she has this channel called Sexplanations and you should go.  

You'll learn something.  I always learn something when I watch her.  I think the world needs that, right?  We don't know the biology very well and it's certainly not taught well and I was--I was in a boy's school.  We could have talked about anything and there are a lot of men that don't know womens' bodies very well.

LD: So can you give me the sex talk now?  Do you want me to narrow it down?

Mr. Doe: Yeah, ask me a question.

LD: How do I know when I'm ready to have sex?

Mr. Doe: Alright, this is a really good thing.  Do you know about condoms?

LD: I do know about condoms, yeah.

Mr. Doe: Okay, so condoms will help prevent pregnancy.  They're not 100%.  Your grandmother said, "I know three methods of birth control that don't work, but there's no condom for the heart."  So.  Before you are ready for sex, you have to be ready in your heart, and I'm not saying that means you have to love somebody like you're gonna marry them and you want to live with them the rest of your life, but I think there's a kind of real intimacy, genuine intimacy, not just physical touch, I get to touch your boobies intimacy, it's an ability to talk about hard things and solve problems together.  That kind of heart needs to be protected and there is no condom for that heart, so if you're not ready to expose your heart, then you're not ready for sex.  There are lots of other ways to be intimate.  Well, you and I talked about when I thought was appropriate.  My generation was wait til marriage.  I think that's not really appropriate, and certainly by today's standards, it's not appropriate.  I think there's some learning that needs to be done before you make a committed relationship.  I don't particularly like the idea of youngsters flitting about, you know, having oral sex and, I don't know, I guess I have mixed feelings about friends with benefits.

I have mixed feelings about friends with benefits.  That can be pretty (?~6:05) or mutual masturbation.  That can be pretty good and have a certain amount of safety to it and security to it and kindness even.  I don't think I ever said you have to wait for marriage.  

LD: I said I was waiting until marriage.  

Mr. Doe: Okay.

LD: I didn't.  

Mr. Doe: I did, I did.  I had to experiment a little bit afterwards, after Mom and I got divorced, because I think the experimentation is critical to being a better human being, certainly a better sexual human being, but I guess I don't subscribe to that anymore.  That's--the idea of sex with--of waiting for marriage is probably archaic.  Any other questions?  I will answer honestly anything you ask me, so if there's something that you're just, like, curious about but you're embarrassed, it's okay.  I'll give you the best information I know.  It might (?~6:58) because I don't know everything.

LD: To be your adult daughter hearing that, as somebody who wishes that all guardians would say that to their children is so precious and then to also know that you are, you are saying it to my younger self, right, to like, here.  I want to be here for you even if it makes me uncomfortable or even if I don't know the answers.

Mr. Doe: I think I learned a lot from the way you approach relationships and certainly the way you talk with me, moreso adult to adult.  It's just crucial to be honest and open about difficult subjects.  It's not that hard.  Well, it is that hard.  You keep encouraging me forward, but it's the right thing to do, and I am trying to model that more and more because what's wrong with being honest about being human?  Of course, you kind of shock me every once in a while, so I don't--I don't know what to say.  She's the expert, right?  

I don't know what to say (?~8:05) if you ask me--

LD: I'm going to show you some sex toys.  

Mr. Doe: I've never held a sex toy.  

LD: This'll be fun, but I wanna tell you first, you did and are doing a great job.

Mr. Doe: Thank you.

LD: You never shamed me.  You coached me on my relationships in very gentle ways.  You shared your experience.  You never told me what to do.

Mr. Doe: I think those are all important things.  I mean, we do the best we can as parents and sometimes, you make (?~8:37) mistakes and sometimes you get it right.  

LD: You got it right.

Mr. Doe: But--thank you.

LD: From you to me to them.  Mhmm!  

Mr. Doe: You wanna show me some sex toys?

LD: I'm going to show you some sex toys!  Do you know what this is?

Mr. Doe: Um.  Never...

LD: Wanna touch a sex toy?

Mr. Doe: I will.  Never have seen this.  (?~8:53)  So, I'm guessing that this is--this is clitoral and this is anal.  Is--does that feel good?

LD: Mhmm.  Mhmm.  Yes.  

Mr. Doe: Does that feel good to do a--I don't know.  I don't know about anal sex.  I don't want anybody to have anal sex with me.  

LD: You don't want anyone to penetrate your anus?

Mr. Doe: I don't even want my doctor checking my prostate.  We apologize to each other every year.  

LD: I'm so excited.  There's gonna be a sequel to this episode.  

Mr. Doe: I'm--Doc, I'm sorry you have to do that.  He says, yeah, I'm sorry I have to do this, too, and then we do it and he says okay, you're okay for another year.  I did talk to a friend of mine, male friend of mine, who said--who says, no, the anus has a lot of nerve endings and I'm not ruling that out as a--as a possibility.  

LD: Good.

Mr. Doe: That's beautiful.  What a beautiful, I mean, sculpturally.  Sleek and light, except it's kinda like a cactus and that's a little disturbing.  And what'd you--is it a ra--what'd you call it?  Is that--

LD: Happy rabbit.

Mr. Doe: Yeah, 'cause it--(?~9:55)

LD: Yeah.

Mr. Doe: Of course it's a happy rabbit.  Men don't know much about the clitoris.  Let's face it.  

Men need huge education when it comes to the clitoris, not least of which is the size of it, because for--until your video, I'm thinking it's this little cap with a hood, but it's this so big organ.

LD: Ohh, I did teach you something.

Mr. Doe: You teach me--every time I watch one of your videos, you embarass me and I learn something, but you embarass me 'cause you're my daughter and I--and, I love you dearly but I can't like--

LD: Here's one that is made for people with penises.  

Mr. Doe: Little penises or--that's the--oh, 'cause it has a vibrator on it.  

LD: It's called (?~10:38).  The penis goes in there.  

Mr. Doe: But that seems--well, I'm old.  

LD: What do you mean?

Mr. Doe: That would fall off.  Okay, so, so, I'm receiving a certain amount of pleasure fr--okay, so tantric sex?  If you wanted sex to last a long time for men and be more pleasurable for a woman, I think this might work.  Like, this is kind of dulling but it's not hyper sensitive but I imagine at the same time, it's doing really great things for the woman.  You don't know?

LD: I don't think that this is going inside of anyone.  This is not body-friendly.

Mr. Doe:  Is it--is it--

LD: This is just so you can go like this.  

Mr. Doe: Oh, I don't like that.  

LD: Okay.

Mr. Doe: 'Cause I think that--

LD: Me neither.

Mr. Doe: Wait, no.  No.  

LD: That's okay.  

Mr. Doe: That's like--that would be like sitting in a massage chair.  It'd feel great, and I suppose if you're just like, watching TV and you just want your orgasm to last for an hour, like--

LD: Maybe this can help somebody lengthen the duration of their--

Mr. Doe: Yeah.  Yeah, I can see that.

LD: One more.  Satisfier.  

Mr. Doe:  Ooh, that's--that's lovely.

LD: I like giving these to an artist.  

Mr. Doe: And it's like, it's got all kinds of like, ooh.  So, it's feathery but it's not--it's not ticklish like feathery.  Uh, I'm not--does it--

LD: Press and hold.  

Mr. Doe: It's gentle.  It's very gentle.  And it--and--oh.  

LD: You could use that for anal play.

Mr. Doe: Yeah, I'm not so sure about the anal play, so--

LD: I know, we're gonna do a sequel and we'll see--

Mr. Doe: We're kind of stuck on that.  The other thing that's curious to me is, I think there's a level of intensity that a woman has to experience to experience the next level of intensity.  So, you know, this sort of weird holy grail of squirting, which I don't--I don't really understand.

LD: Oh my gosh, I wish we had hours.  

Mr. Doe: Look at what we can do if we learn to teach each other, help each other, especially for the teenagers that I talk to and they just desperately need real information and information delivered in a way that's disarmingly light and fun and honest and yeah.  I'm very proud of what you do.  

LD: Thank you.  

You can get one of these toys if you--you can get all of these toys, what am I saying here.  If you go to adamandeve.com and put in the promo code 'DOE', 'D-O-E', my last name, our last name!

Mr. Doe: My last name too!

LD: You have a promo code at Adam & Eve.  You can get an eligible toy for 50% off plus shipping covered on your whole order to the US and Canada, which is a really big deal.

Mr. Doe: Yeah.

LD: Yeah.  So now look at, you have new sculptures for your house.  

Mr. Doe: I'd go for the rabbit.

LD & Mr. Doe: Stay curious.