Good morning, Hank. It’s Friday, August 29th, and since I know you don’t like to watch the news, I am now going to tell you everything that I think you need to know about presumptuous Republican Vice Presidential nominee, Sarah Palin.

Palin? I don’t even know how to say her name I’m so surprised.

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Part 1: Sarah Palin is the 44-year-old governor of the great state of Alaska. She’s been the governor of Alaska for just under two years. Before that, she was the head of the city council in Wasilla, Alaska; a town name I might be mispronouncing even though I’ve been there several times.

Number 2: on all of the social issues that are important to the Republican base she is reliably conservative. She’s strongly pro-life, anti-gay marriage, and a life-long member of the National Rifle Association. In fact, she is a moose hunter. (That sounds like a euphemism for something, but it’s not; she actually hunts moose.)

Number 3: in what might be the most politically corrupt state in the U.S., she has a reputation for being strongly anti-corruption. Hank, I briefly lived in Alaska and let me tell you from experience: Alaska has about as many uncorrupt politicians as it has pleasant winter days. So that’s certainly a vote in her favor.

Another vote in her favor would be Thing 4: she’s married to a commercial fisherman. Now, Hank, I wasn’t able to find any pictures of Sarah Palin’s husband on the internet but I’m hoping that he looks like the sailor from The Simpsons.

Thing 5: she has a kid named Track, that’s a political liability, who’s joined the Army and going to Iraq, that’s a political asset. It’s like McCain was saying, “Joe Biden, I’ll see your son who’s going to Iraq and I raise you an Alaskan infantryman named Track.”

Oh, also, I forgot to mention Sarah Palin’s husband is a semiprofessional Snowmobiler. Really, he races snowmobiles.

Thing 6: she has absolutely no foreign policy experience. Now of course, the McCain camp’s going to say that it doesn’t matter that she doesn’t have foreign policy experience because McCain has loads of foreign policy experience, which is fine, just so long as McCain is, you know, alive. Which I thought is kind of why you picked a Vice President, but anyway.

Thing 7: She’s been a very Alaska-centric governor. You know there are some governors like, say, Kathleen Sibelius or Rod Blagojevich, who end up leading on certain national issues? She hasn’t been like that. She’s all Alaska, all the time. I mean, you could argue that her energy policy has been influential outside of Alaska in some ways but I’m not convinced. Although she is very popular in Alaska.

Nerdfighters, particularly Republican nerdfighters, I’m interested to hear what you think about the Palin Pick. Let me know in comments.

Hank, don’t forget to be awesome and, as always, best wishes!