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Last sync:2022-09-26 14:30
In which John's Headless Wonders model some truly amazing t-shirts. Pizzamas is here!

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Good morning, Hank. It's... Monday? Oh god, I feel a change coming on. Oh, yeah. There has been an alteration and not for the better. I thought if I let it grow longer this year it might look better, but no. It... it looks like it does every year.

It's Pizzamas, everybody! The most magical time of the year, where Hank and I make videos every weekday for two weeks like it's 2007 all over again, and sell weird stuff with my mustache on it at for charity.

This box right here contains all the 2022 Pizzamas stuff, I haven't seen any of it. We'll start off with the shirts.

Oh my gosh, it's Pizza John, the baseball jersey. Look at all - look at all those baseball-playin' mustachioed me's! 

So they seem to only have sent me small t-shirts, possibly to force me to buy my own merch at, so I'm going to have my kids model. 

It's hard to pick a favorite one, but I think it might be the one with the bat or the ginger me.

Alright, what do we have next? Oh no. It's Shrekza John. Hard to pronounce, beautiful to wear. I don't know if I even like Shrek, but I love the Internet loving Shrek. 

Also... oh my god! If it rides, I lives, from my low-quality series "Cars Versus". The car even has a mustache. How has all of this magic even happened? By the way, all of this is available only during this year's Pizzamas at

And all the proceeds go to support stronger healthcare systems in Sierra Leone. We could not possibly keep profit from this madness.

This might be one of my favorites ever! It's wondrous! They're all so good. They're not like Pizzamas Good, they're good! Except for the Shrek one. That one's Pizzamas Good. 

Couple more t-shirts this year, beginning with this one, which is me in a pizza box. I just love it. I've always wanted to have a square head. And last, but certainly not least, for the t-shirts, we have... it's a Pizza Rainbow John.

Okay, we've also got lots of other stuff. We've got Pizzamas fridge magnets, Pizzamas stickers featuring all this year's designs, and also Pizzamas car air freshener? which is "New John Smell". Let's take a sniff and see what New John Smell is all about. It's got some clove, some garlic maybe on the end? It smells as much like pizza or me as you would want your car to smell.

We've got a high quality Pizza John water bottle, so you can stay hydrated while remembering the magic of Pizzamas.

Okay, while my faceless wonders continue to model in the background, I gotta look up the other stuff that's not in my box, that I got an email about but I didn't open it because I didn't want to be spoiled. 

Okay, we have two more pieces of apparel that are just phenomenal. Number one: this Pizza John cardigan. Wow. Wow! And number two: a Pizza John soccer jersey. Or football jersey, depending on your worldview. Both Home and Away are available, white and red. They are phenomenal; thank you to our friends at Adidas. And no matter what your last name is, your last name is Pizza. 

Okay, what else? How about a set of Pizza John hand towels? You heard me right. And if that's not enough for you, how about a Pizza John floor rug that is big enough for pfffff.... eight cats?

Unfortunately, almost all of these items are limited edition, so only available while supplies last, including this beautiful screen print of one of my all-time favorite Pizza John designs: La Pizza Mort, signed by both me and the artist. 

Have I saved the best for last? Maybe. We've got a Pizza John neoclassical bust! I don't even know what to say about it except... of course, if it was an actual Greco-Roman bust it would have been painted. You - you can paint yours. It's up to you.

Also we've got a Pizza John pin subscription just like we did last year. So pins come every month for six months, so you can celebrate Pizzamas for half a year! There's also Pizza John washi tape, and other stuff, only available at for the next two weeks. Oh my god, I love Pizzamas every year, but I might love it this year the most! 

Hank, it's time to say my all-time favorite sentence: I will see you tomorrow. 

John: We gotta get out of her light, Henry, and let her shine. Hold on, I gotta get the focus right. 

John: Are you not enjoying this? 

Alice: I am! 

John: This is what being an influencer is all about, Alice.

Alice: Yeah, you think I want to?

John: Do you get the joke?

Alice: Yes! 

Henry: Yes I get the joke, but why? 

Alice: That looks like Spongebob. 

John: It does a little bit.

Alice + Henry: Happy Pizzamas! DFTBA! 

John:, 100% of the profits go to support stronger healthcare systems in Sierra Leone.